Now and Then
by troublefollows1017
Summary: Right now, she can't remember. He can't forget or let go. Then, she fell in love fast and hard. So did he. Can the heart remember what the mind has forgotten? Edward can only hope.
1. Chapter 1

**Now**

The back of my neck is slick with sweat. The heat in this club makes my T-shirt cling to my skin. I finish off my beer, but it does nothing to quench my thirst or help relieve the tension in my shoulders. The music hurts my ears. It's too loud and the bass is turned up too high. I can feel it in my chest and inside my head like it's banging my brain against my skull. I know all about brains and skulls and the two of them colliding.

More than I ever wanted to know.

I see her. It's dark and loud, but I see her. She has always been my light in the dark. She shouldn't be here. The crease between her eyebrows tells me she has a headache. Her "friends" don't seem to notice. _I notice._ I also notice the guy in the black button-down and designer jeans. His sleeves are rolled up so he can show off his forearms and his fancy watch. His hair is too long and his teeth are too white. I can see them fucking glowing from all the way over here.

He and his buddies infiltrated her table in the VIP area. She's tolerating him and his attention, but she's not interested. I can tell by the way she doesn't maintain eye contact and because she has to force herself to smile politely. I know what it looks like when she really smiles. The apples of her cheeks become that much more kissable. She once told me that thinking about me made her smile. That feels like a million years ago and just yesterday. And suddenly, I need another drink.

I push off the wall and order something stronger than beer at the bar. A double. I need something to numb the ache that starts in my chest and radiates out to every other part of my body. My heart's been damaged and continues circulating this burning pain through my veins. You'd think I'd be used to it by now since it's my constant companion, but somehow that shit never gets old. It waxes and wanes but never goes away. And it always hits me hardest when I know she needs me and there's nothing I can do about it.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. It's probably Jasper. It didn't take him long to figure out I wasn't where I said I was going to be. That means he knows I'm here and he'll be coming to get me. White Teeth hands her a drink and she tries to wave it away, but he insists. She shouldn't be drinking, but there's no one here to look out for her. No one but me, and I have to stay put. If I don't, I'll do something stupid like I did in Cincinnati. Jasper will never forgive me if I do a repeat of Cincinnati.

I can look, but I can't touch. I've tried telling myself she's an apparition, a ghost of the girl I love. I couldn't hold on even if I tried. Sometimes that works. Other times, not so much. She's not a ghost. She's alive, living and breathing. Her heart beats, her skin is soft and warm. I didn't have to put her in the cold, hard ground. I should be grateful. The fact that she still exists is a blessing. Alive but not whole. And her missing parts leave me broken as well.

White Teeth leans down and whispers something in her ear. She has no idea what he said. She fakes it and laughs, but I know she didn't hear him. She can barely hear in that ear when she's in a quiet room. This club is so noisy, she can't hear shit. The doctors aren't sure she'll ever get it back. There's a lot they aren't sure she'll get back. Things I wish she'd never lost in the first place.

He stays in her personal space and wraps his hand around hers. He pulls her out of her seat, reminding her to grab her drink. I'm wound so tight I almost hope Jasper gets here before I blow. She smiles and takes a sip of the brightly colored concoction that's most likely too strong and full of his malicious intent. His hands are on her hips as he tries to get her to sway to the music with him. Her "friends" are too busy enjoying the attention of his friends to notice or care that she's uncomfortable. They love what she can do for them. The places she can take them, the people she can attract because of who she is. They're nothing but attention whores who used to make her sick. She used to see them for who they really are. Now, she doesn't see anyone clearly. Especially herself.

My phone goes off again and again. He's pissed. I'm sure Jasper has left me some interesting voicemails and texts. I move so I can see her and the front entrance for when he gets here. Maybe she'll give into the headache and go back to the hotel before he shows up. I can only hope.

Handsy White Teeth gets handsier. He's pulling her close. She laughs to mask the discomfort, shaking her head as he attempts to lead her to the dance floor. She doesn't dance. Not on stage and definitely not at a club. It's a rule. A rule she broke only for me, alone in our room, drunk on too much wine and a love that was too big. Well, too big for me. It still is.

My hands are shaking and won't stop even when I beg them to. Images of broken skulls and blood the color of roses fill my head. I can do so much damage in such a short time. I probably could be in the back of a cab before Jasper gets here. Probably not. He's going to be here any second. My phone hasn't buzzed for a couple minutes and the hotel isn't too far away. He's going to kick my ass or at least try. I make his life harder. That's what he told me a few weeks ago. I laughed in his face because he doesn't know a fucking thing about life being hard. He doesn't know and I hope he never does. Life kicked me in the balls and I'm still on my knees, doubled over, trying to catch my breath. I don't know that I'll ever breathe right again. Not without her.

White Teeth is going to be missing teeth before the night is over. His fucking hands are all over her. He touches her face, her hair. He runs his fingers down her arm, holds her hand. One finger touches her lips. That's the one I'll break first.

I can't take anymore. There's one surefire way to get her to go back to the hotel. I take out my phone and type out my message - _Looks like you need to get rid of a couple headaches._

She pulls her phone out of her front pocket. She reads the text before scanning the room. She won't see me, but she's looking. Panic and worry overtake her beautiful face. She hates me and loves me. She used to love me as much as I love her so I know it's in there. I think she wants me to watch over her. There's part of her that knows what we are. It's buried deep in there somewhere. Someday I'll unearth it. If I'm patient enough, she'll come back to me.

She replies to the text and I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. She whispers something to one of her "friends". They go back and forth until the girls all agree to leave. She's still searching, that pretty little head moving side to side, big brown eyes shift this way and that. Handsy McTeetherson doesn't want her to go. He's tugging on her belt loops. Yeah, I'm definitely breaking that finger first.

She grabs his wrist and asks him to let her go. She's leaving and he can't stop her. She _has _to leave. She doesn't want to relive Cincinnati either. Moving through the crowd with purpose, she makes her way to the exit just as Jasper arrives. Fuck my luck. They exchange some words, she shows him the text. He's definitely going to kick my ass. But I've got other things to worry about right now.

I make my way down to the main floor. Bodies writhe to the music that's pounding in my ears. All these people searching for something - comfort, distraction, attention, sex, love. I found them a year ago in the woman who just left. My blood boils. It rushes, it flows through me with a fury I cannot control. I spend so much time trying to be good. I exert so much energy keeping myself in check. I rarely give into the pain and the rage, but sometimes the rage consumes me.

I am _consumed_.

So, now I am the hunter and he is the prey. And once she leaves, the man with the teeth and the hands wants to leave, too. He thinks he can follow her to the hotel. He thinks he can talk his way into her bed. He thinks he can have a piece of her.

He is _wrong._

I make sure Jasper gets lost in the thick of things before I make my move. He thinks he's going to find me. He'll find me when I'm ready for him to find me. First things first. Shoulders bump. He apologizes; I don't accept. I break his finger. I break his whole damn hand. His pussy friends run away to get help. He finds some pathetic courage to fight underneath those designer clothes and that gelled up hair. His fist hits my jaw, but it takes more than that to bring me down. Only one person brings me to my knees and she weighs 110 pounds soaking wet and wouldn't hurt a fly. I'm quick. The heel of my hand breaks his nose, my knee cracks a rib when he folds. Head butt disorients him further and one more punch and he's spitting those overly white teeth on the floor.

"Keep your fucking hands off my wife," I say as he drops to his knees.

I'm gone before anyone comes to his rescue. I'm outside and the air is cool and it chills my damp skin. I wipe that punk-ass' blood off my knuckles with my shirt. I'm proud of myself for maintaining control until she left. I'll be long gone before the cops get here. This will end better than Cincinnati. I pull out my phone to text Jasper about meeting me back at the hotel. But I have to get past her text first. Her words bring back all the pain the rage allowed me to ignore.

_You are my only headache. Sign the papers and let me go._

As if signing some piece of paper will ever free me from her. I made a vow before God. 'Til death do us part. I didn't forget that part. I can't forget any of it.

Why did she?

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4 for her careful eye as always. She is so wonderful to me.**

**So, um. I guess I had a plot bunny strike. This is thanks to Boo Iwmec who asked me to write something like the movie The Vow...but better. Well, I don't know if this will be better, but this is a take on that movie using our favorite Twilight characters. There will not be a regular posting schedule. I apologize to those loyal readers who have followed me and are used to weekly updates. These will be shorter chapters and could happen whenever I finish them. That could be good or bad. We'll see! Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**THEN**

"I can't believe you got Edward Cullen to open for you." Rosalie looks as excited as she sounds.

I roll my eyes. "I didn't get him to do anything. You know I have no say in who tours with me." I have little say in anything these days. I am Isabella Swan, America's Sweetheart. I sing what the record company and my mother want me to sing and every Top 40 radio station plays it on an endless loop until even I can't stand to listen to it anymore.

"I'm going to make him fall madly in love with me, if that's okay with you," Rose says, pulling out her lipstick and applying a fresh coat.

"Why would it need to be okay with me?"

"Because I'm destined to break his heart into a million pieces and that could make it awkward for you as the tour carries on. If he's in love with me, he might beg you for help to get me back. You'll refuse, of course, because you're loyal to me. But that doesn't mean he won't keep trying. It could get very depressing for him. He'll write songs about me and sing them during his show, hoping I'll change my mind."

Her delusional fantasy has me worried about her mental health. My sister does this all the time. She creates complex and ridiculous stories in her head and then gets disappointed when life doesn't work out that way. Like the one where my record company realizes she's the superstar in the family and they move her from backup singer to pop sensation. Rose has no idea how low we have her mic's volume set. Her ability to carry a tune is not good. Of course, computers do crazy things and she can lip sync with the best of them. So, who knows?

"I think I can handle it. He's all yours for the breaking."

She hugs me. "I knew you'd understand. I'm gonna walk around and see if I can catch him during his sound check. Wanna come?"

Mom's gone, talking to someone about something from our rider not being executed correctly. They probably forgot to pick out the brown M&M's (her thing not mine). I took the heat last month all across the blogosphere when someone leaked the rider we gave MTV for the VMA's. Luckily, everyone loves me and I am easily forgiven. Even when I'm not truly to blame.

I decide it's probably better that Rosalie has a chaperone, so I agree to scope him out with her. I've never met Edward Cullen. I've heard his song on the radio. It's very Jason Mraz meets Mumford and Sons with a side of Van Morrison. I may have looked him up on Google and saw that he plays guitar and has some incredibly sexy tattoos on his arms. He's the epitome of the tortured rock star: soulful eyes, untamed hair, and a sly smile that says he gets laid all damn time. I'm not sure how he fits with my demographic except that I'm sure all the young girls fantasize about him like my sister does apparently.

She's flying through the hallway on her mission of eventual heartbreak when two guys turn the corner. One is most definitely the guy we're looking for, Rose nearly runs over the other guy.

"Whoa, there," he says, steadying her at the shoulders. "Slow down, sweetheart. Where's the damn fire?"

"Isabella Swan," Edward Cullen says my name like it's a prayer. I'm not sure I'm breathing anymore. All I can think is - _he knows who I am_. Of course he knows who I am. I'm so stupid sometimes, but this fame thing never comes easy to me.

"Bella," I whisper correct.

"And Rosalie Swan." My sister steps in front of me. "You look like Edward Cullen, am I right?" Her pointer finger swirls in a circle before it pokes him in the chest.

He smiles, looking somewhat entertained by her. "I am."

"We're headed to sound check. You two want to join us?" the other guy asks, and my sister doesn't hesitate to accept the invitation.

Edward hangs back and walks side by side with me while Rosalie and this guy named Jasper both talk a mile a minute. He's Edward's manager and friend. They've known each other since they were seven, he tells us. Rose announces she's known me since before birth because we're twins, the kind that don't look alike in case they didn't notice. I want to die of embarrassment.

"I should thank you," Edward says. "It means alot to me to be on this tour. The exposure is going to help so much."

I shrug because I had nothing to do with it. Everyone assumes I have more control over my career than I do. "No problem. You have some great tracks on your album. That one about the runaway, that one gets me everytime I listen to it."

"Isabella Swan has listened to my album?"

There's nothing worse than being referred to in the third person. It happens all the time. For some reason being famous means your name becomes your identity or something. "Yes, I listened to your album. I need to know who's playing on my bill, don't I?"

His cheeks turn the sweetest shade of pink and his hands sink into the front pockets of his jeans. "I guess so. Sorry, I swore I was going to play it cool when we met, but I managed to look like an idiot in the first five minutes."

Sweet Jesus, he's adorable. There is absolutely no way I am letting my sister get her hands on this one. "Don't sweat it. You're a boy who sings, and I'm just a girl who sings. No big deal."

His arm brushes mine as he moves closer into my personal space. He's so much taller than me, so he dips his head. "Something tells me you are so much more than just a girl who sings."

I swallow hard and remind myself that not breathing means I'll pass out. Passing out would be bad. I've spent the last two years feeling like all I will ever be is a girl who sings. But when Edward Cullen tells me I must be more, I want to believe him. More than I have ever wanted to believe in anything.

I can feel the heat of my blush spreading across my chest and up my neck. My mother would never have let him touch me. She would have stood in between us the second she saw the way he looked at me. The way he looks at me makes my skin burn. And right then, I decide. Screw Rosalie. I'm going to make Edward Cullen fall madly in love with _me_.

Allstate Arena is a good sized venue. I played here the last time we came to Chicago. The crowd was good. Loud. Everyone I made eye contact with was singing along. I love that. There's nothing more incredible than singing a song with 18,000 people singing it right back to you.

Edward takes the stage and messes with his acoustic guitar. It looks like it was made for him. I love the way the strap wraps around his sturdy frame and he grips the neck gently in his hand. The two of them are so familiar, so comfortable in one another's company. He strums the strings and I close my eyes. If he touched me the way he plays a guitar, I would probably die.

"This mic smells like fish. What the fuck is up with that?" Edward says, looking back at his drummer who's laughing her ass off. Then he looks at me and I can't breathe. His smile is heart-stopping. "Beware of the smelly mic, Bella. Beeeeeware." His silly Vincent Price like voice fills the empty arena.

Some loud feedback comes from his bass player. The sound guys get it worked out and Edward begins to play. Just him. No one else. And he's staring at me while he sings a song I've never heard before but will never forget.

It's about brown eyes and pink lips that make him smile. He sings about butterflies and feeling shy. He sings about a girl who thinks she just sings but she doesn't know that she can change the world. Someone's world. And then he throws in a bunch of la la la's. "When I don't know what else to sing, I just throw in another la, la, la," he sings. He stops strumming his guitar and laughs. It's the best laugh I've ever heard. "I won't ever play that again, I swear. I'm just messing around. I won't write songs about you until the tour is over, I promise."

I realize I'm frozen, staring like an idiot. He thought I didn't like it. He made up a song about me on the spot and thought I didn't like it.

_I loved it. _

"I have blue eyes by the way," Rosalie shouts up at him. For the love of God, I wish my sister could buy a clue. She leans over and lowers her voice. "Seriously. He's cute but not very smart."

"Permission denied," I whisper.

"What?"

"Permission to break his heart is denied. I think you should try for the manager. I bet he knows what color your eyes are."

Rose slumps down in her seat and looks over at Jasper. "He's cute. I don't know. Maybe I need to focus on me right now and not men. When Alec finally gets his head out of his ass and gets me a record deal, I don't need any added drama. Your drama will be enough."

"My drama?"

"You know you'll be lost without me. Don't deny it," she says. I roll my eyes and shake my head. Delusional. That should be her middle name. "I'm bored. I'm going to look for Mom. Hopefully she got them to get a bowl of only pink and red Starbursts." My twin who could not be less like me gets up and leaves for backstage.

The band plays. Edward's voice floats around me, its warmth and depth can be felt on my skin. I can't ignore the way the words leave his mouth with purpose. He sings about what he believes, what he knows. The music doesn't just fill my ears, it enters my chest. It speaks to my soul. It captures my heart. He's still looking at me and I still want to know what it feels like to kiss him. I know I got it bad because I wish I was a fishy-smelling mic right now. His mouth is so close that his lips brush against it, making me squirm in my seat.

I close my eyes again. I keep them closed until they finish. Mom will never let me have him. Well, she won't let him have me is more like it. No one gets a piece of me without Renee Swan's approval. I wish I knew how to go back to the time when she was just my mother and not my manager. I wouldn't have let her have the job if I knew then what I know now. Maybe things would be different. Maybe I'd like her more. I love my mom, but I don't particularly like her. She hasn't been very likeable since we started making this record. This one has to do better than the last one. This one had to sell more in the first week or else. We have to sell out more shows, play more shows, tour longer, harder. It's too much. But I can't say that. There's no one who would listen.

"I put you to sleep? That can't be good." I open my eyes to find Edward standing in front of me. He's so damn tall. His body is lean and long. His tattoos make him look tougher than I think he really is. One arm is sleeved in pretty designs in a myriad of colors. It looks like there's a dragon breathing fire and musical notes. I spy the tail of a tiger that must reside on his bicep. He looks dangerous and pretty - a lethal combination for sure.

I stand up. "You want to get lost?" His eyebrows pinch together in the cutest way. I hold out my hand. "With me. Do you want to get lost with me?"

"With you?"

"It's probably more fun that way."

"I think I'd do anything you wanted me to do," he says with a smile that makes really getting lost together my truest desire.

I take him under the stage. Show him my secret passageways, the trapdoor I disappear down after the first half of the set. He tells me about how he used to play in church basements and in clubs the size of his current dressing room. How someone stole his gear in a 7-Eleven parking lot when they stopped for coffee once. I have no funny stories to tell. I don't think he'd find the time the hotel didn't have my mother's room ready a very entertaining tale.

I show him where they raise me up elevator-style at the beginning of the show. I let him peek into my quick wardrobe change spot. It's nothing but a little curtained off space where Rachel hands me the next dress to throw on in between songs. He pushes the curtain aside and pulls me in with him. I'm surprised we both fit inside. I always feel so cramped in here when I'm changing. We have to stand close. So close, but I don't mind. He doesn't seem to mind either. His arms snake around me.

"So, let's be clear. You get naked in here multiple times a night?" he asks with that devilish smirk. I want to be naked right now.

"Eight costume changes per show. So, yes. I am usually half naked in here eight times a night."

"That makes this my favorite place in the whole world."

The temperature goes up a thousand degrees and I've lost my mind. I've known this man less than an hour and I'm ready to do whatever it takes to know him the rest of my life.

"Have you ever met someone and just...connected? Right away? Instantly?" I ask. My body is pressed up against his. I slide a leg in between his. His heart is beating as fast as mine. I can feel it beating fast and furious. His body is warm and I want to crawl inside. There's something about him that makes me feel like he'd protect me, hide me, shelter me. Maybe I'm crazy.

"Never. Until today," he whispers. His hands slip under my shirt and softly touch the skin just above my jeans. His fingertips are rough, calloused from playing guitar, and I want to feel them touch me everywhere.

"Me either," I admit. "I swear I don't bring all my opening acts in here."

He laughs and I can feel his breath on my neck as he bends his head lower. "Good to know."

I let my hands move up his chest, around his neck. I breathe him in. Mom will never let this go any further if she finds out. I'm going to have to make sure she_ never_ finds out. Because I want this. I want him. For once, I want something that's just mine.

He could be mine.

"I'm gonna try to not overthink this, whatever this is," he says as his hands travel lower over my ass, pulling me closer.

"What do you think this is?" I practically pant.

I can feel him hard and eager against my hip. "The start of something beautiful."

His mouth covers mine and our tongues play along. He tastes as good as he smells and almost as good as he feels. He probably doesn't believe me, but I have never done anything like this in my entire life. I don't play outside the fence or color outside the lines. I do what I'm told and I follow the rules. Rules that suffocate and hold me back. Rules that were made to control and confine. But Edward Cullen sets me free. I want to be free. I need to be free.

I will be free.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight**

**Thanks to momof4. She rocks. I change stuff after she looks so any mistakes are mine.**

**You guys rock. Your support and love mean so much. So I write on...**


	3. Chapter 3

**NOW**

The couch in this dressing room has to be the single most uncomfortable piece of furniture I have ever sat on in my entire life. I roll to my side and set my guitar on the floor beside me. All I want is a twenty minute nap, but there is no way in hell I am going to be able to sleep on this fucking thing.

"Knock, knock." The door opens and in walks Leah. Jasper probably sent her in first to make sure I wasn't in the mood to kill people today. I am. But I won't.

"I thought I had time before sound check," I say, covering my face with my arm.

"Ah, your time is up, my friend. They want you to get your check in before _she_ arrives."

She. Bella. My wife. My heart. My soul. My pain. My everything.

"Wouldn't want to accidentally run into her in the hallway. That's how all of Renee Swan's problems began, right?"

Leah picks up my guitar, pushes my feet to the floor, and takes a seat next to me on this hard as fuck couch. I drop my arm and glare at my drummer as she chastises me. "You shouldn't have followed her to that club last night. You know that, right?"

"Who says I followed her?" I sit up and scratch at my hair. "Maybe we both happened to be in the same place at the same time. You know, coincidentally."

Leah laughs and punches me in the shoulder. "Yeah and maybe I can shoot bullets out of my tits."

"You have tits?" I tease and pull down the front of her tank top, earning me a nice smack to the back of the head. She's right. Jasper's right. I'm an idiot, but I can't help it. "Someone has to look out for her. She's been getting these headaches. I'm sure she's not telling Renee. I just can't -"

"Edward." The way she says my name makes me feel five years old. She's half sorry for me, half pissed. "If you want to be in her life, you have to stop freaking her the fuck out. And in case you didn't get the memo, your stalker ass is freaking her out."

I sigh and tug at my hair. Everyone thinks I need to back off. Everyone thinks I need to sign the papers and give her some space. I disagree. I think I need to be in her face so she can remember.

_God, if she would just remember._

"She fell in love with you once. She could do it again if you would ease up a bit. Let her discover the guy who swept her off her feet instead of shoving him down her throat. That's all I'm saying."

I'm surprised Leah isn't telling me to let her go. I appreciate that more than I can say. In fact, it causes this lump in my throat that I can't clear no matter how much I try. I pat her knee in thanks and get up to grab a bottle of water. Maybe I have been going at this the wrong way. But who the hell knows what's the right way to handle your wife forgetting who you are? I'm pretty sure there's no fucking how-to book on that.

Bella and I had fallen in love fast and hard. Everything happened too fast, I guess. When the bus got hit, we had only been together for six months, married for one. No one but Jasper and Rosalie even knew we got hitched. The press hadn't figured it out yet and Mommy Dearest was oblivious. If I was a betting man, I would bet Renee will never let Bella play a show in Vegas ever again.

When my wife woke up from her medically induced coma, she had lost a year. A whole year of her life vanished from her memory. Every moment with me... _gone_. It was as if I had never existed.

All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms, but I was, hell I _am,_ a stranger. No different than the orderly who came in to clean her hospital room each night. I made the mistake of letting Renee in. As Bella's husband, I had all the rights. The doctors only talked to me until I let Renee be a part of the team. I knew Bella needed familiar faces. I just didn't think her mother could be such a bitch. I should have believed everything Bella told me. She is as bad as Bella said she was.

"How'd you get her to like you the first time?" Leah asks and the memories flood my head so much so that I wish I could dump some of them out and put them in Bella's.

"I didn't do anything special. She listened to my sound check and then made out with me under the stage until her people came looking for her."

"Hussy."

"Hey, that's my wife you're talking about," I warn.

"I was talking about you, jackass."

I throw a water bottle at her head that she catches easily. The woman has better reflexes than world-class athletes.

"I don't know what she saw in me. I wish she'd see it again."

"We'll figure it out. She'll figure it out. You just need to take a little step back. No one wants a repeat of Cincinnati."

_Fucking Cincinnati. _ "I got it. Don't almost kill people in front of Bella and don't get arrested almost killing people in front of Bella. It'll be my new life mission."

Leah cracks a smile. She stands up. "Ok, you can come in now! He's all good!" she shouts at the door. Jasper opens it up and pokes his head in.

"Subtle, Lee."

"When has she ever been subtle?" I ask him because really, if he was hoping for subtle he should have sent in anyone but her.

Jasper approaches with caution. "You ready for sound check?"

"Ready as I'm ever going to be."

This venue is bigger than the last one. It's going to be so loud in here in a few hours. I hate this. I hate that we're here. I hate that no one thinks about what the noise does to Bella except for me. It's not just the noise. The travel, the stress, the physical exhaustion. They gave her six months. Six fucking months to recover from a traumatic brain injury. From a broken leg, three broken ribs. And that was just the physical stuff. No one but me seems to worry about the mental and emotional crap she's had to deal with.

Then there's the mental and emotional shit I've had to deal with. My life changed in an instant. One moment in time altered my entire world. Things were not ideal, but they were a million times better than they are now. At least I had Bella. Having Bella made all the secrets and lies worth it. Now I have the truth and no Bella. She doesn't even believe the truth.

"Ed! Say something in the mic so we can hear it." I'm prompted by Mike the sound guy.

"There once was a frog that lived in a log. He had a barrel of beer that he bought off a deer. He could have shared with the whole forest but that little fucker was a selfish prick."

Brady looks at me like _what the fuck? _I shrug. I'm in a mood. Everyone can fuck off. I strum my guitar and play a familiar tune. It's the song we wrote together. The song no one will ever hear. She worked so damn hard on it, learned new chords. Now I'm not sure she can even play. Getting her hands to do two different things at the same time is difficult. I see how frustrated she gets when her body and her mind don't work the way they're supposed to.

"I like that. What's that called?" Leah pokes me with a drumstick.

"I'm not telling."

She makes a face. "You need to work on the title," she says, getting behind the drumset.

"That's not the title, dumbass. I meant I'm not telling you what the name of it is."

She laughs at herself. "Oh! Fine. Don't tell me, jackass."

"I'd rather be a jackass than a dumbass."

"Too bad you're a jackass _and_ a dumbass. And your hair makes you look like a serial killer, by the way."

I hate her and love her. She annoys me and distracts me at the same time. Sometimes I need that more than she knows.

I turn around and flick her off. That's when I see Bella offstage, half hidden by one of the speakers. She freezes for a split second when our eyes connect before taking off. And I know I shouldn't, but I take off after her.

"Bella!" I shout, once I'm offstage. "Wait!"

And for the first time in six months, she stops running. She doesn't turn around but she lets me catch up. I don't touch. Touching makes her uncomfortable and it rips what's left of my heart out.

"Did you need me or did you just come to listen?" I don't really care why she was there. It only matters that she was.

I see her hands clench into fists before she turns around. It fucking hurts to look at her. To be this close. To want this much. I'm waiting for this need to kill me someday. We had to be careful about public displays before. I'm used to keeping my distance. My self-control was rewarded behind closed doors. Between hotel sheets or in the back of tour buses. With kisses and promises it wouldn't always be this way. Someday we would love out loud. Someday everyone would know I was covered in her fingerprints and she in mine.

"I was going to talk to you about last night," she says, her cheeks red with anger instead of love. "I wanted to make sure you got my text."

"I'm not signing the papers, Bella. You would kick my fucking ass if I signed those papers and gave up."

"I _want _you to sign the papers."

"My Bella wants me to hold on with both fucking hands, so that's what I'm doing."

She closes her eyes and rubs her forehead with the heel of her hand.

"One to ten?" I ask. Her eyes open and her hand falls to her side. "One to ten, Bella. How bad is your pain?" The headaches have been more frequent. I know they have. I have my spies.

"I'm fine," she argues.

"One to ten?"

"Seven."

"A seven?" I want to punch something.

She shakes her head. "I mean a five. I'm at a five and I'm fine."

"A seven is not fine. A seven means you should take something." I hate this. I hate that she denies herself the relief.

"I had an interview this afternoon," she snaps, her temper so short. A lovely side effect I could do without. "I can't be drowsy for that or the show tonight. You know what they'll print about me if I'm incoherent or can't keep my eyes open!"

"Fuck the press! Fuck the show tonight! I know we have the next two days off, but we don't have to make up every goddamn show we had to cancel. We _don't._"

She laughs but not because she thinks I'm funny. "Yeah, you tell my mom that."

"Don't tempt me." I clench my jaw. I'd love to have it out with Renee. It would be cathartic, I'm sure.

Bella's eyes go a little bit wide with fear. "Please don't," she whispers. I hate that I scare her. Or maybe it's me she fears for. Renee wants me gone so badly. She wants me off this tour and if they weren't contractually bound, I'd be gone. "She knows what's best for me. She's known me a lot longer than you have. You don't really know me at all."

"I know you better than anyone," I growl, taking a step toward her. She doesn't move, but her breathing quickens, her body trembles. "Your favorite teacher was Miss Wasser in third grade because she was British and you thought she sounded like Mary Poppins. When you were twelve, you wrote a letter to the president of Sony Records and told him you were going to be the next big thing and you were giving him the opportunity to sign you first. Six years later, you signed with RCA because you were still pissed no one ever responded to that letter. It still kind of bugs you to this day."

She blinks and shakes her head. "I never told anyone that. Not even Rose."

That's right. She only told me. I keep going. "You never eat cereal with milk. You wait a full two minutes before getting in the shower because you want the water to be super hot. You breathe through your mouth when you sleep and it makes your morning breath pretty horrific. You take what the critics say to heart. You read it because you feel like it helps you appreciate the kindness your fans show you. "

Her eyes well up with tears. I don't want to make her cry. I just want her to see. I want her to know I see. _ I see her. _ I see her better than anyone. Clearer, because she let me.

I take another step, but her hand goes up, asking me to stop, begging me not to touch. I want to touch her so badly it hurts.

"Well...I don't know you." Her voice shakes and a tear slips down her cheek. The truth breaks me open. She doesn't know me. She doesn't miss me because she doesn't know she should.

"I'm the man who loves you more than anything in this whole fucking world. Ask me anything; I'll tell you anything you want to know. Just stop asking me to walk away from the love of my life. Please, Bella."

She wipes her face and takes an unsteady breath. "Do you know Rose's favorite things, too? Do you know all of her secrets?" There's a venom I'm not expecting in her words. But suddenly, it all makes sense.

"Is that what she told you?"

She takes a step back, but it is what she says next that makes the distance she created feel insurmountable. "I won't be played, Edward Cullen. I have people watching out for me."

She turns and leaves me standing there. It takes me a good five minutes before I can move. Her inability to remember me stills stings. She knows nothing about me other than what she hears from other people and from the press. But I've found my silver lining. I know what I'm up against now. She's been fed a lie. She's been fed _our _lie. That can be fixed. I think. And even better, she didn't ask me to sign the papers when she left. They've been her parting words every time we talk. Until now. And I'm going cling to that motherfucking shred of hope. I will not give up. She doesn't want me to.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**momof4 - thanks lovey**

**I swear I'm not trying to make you all cry. Just _some_ of you *wink* **

**Thank you so much for all your reviews and support. It's overwhelming and unbelievable. **

**xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

**THEN**

"I'm not leaving. You can't make me." Edward leans back against the headboard, his hands behind his head. That smug look on his face makes me want to climb back in with him. The white hotel sheet barely covers his more private parts. One leg sticks out uncovered. The tattoo on his calf is sexy as hell. He's beautiful clothed. He's_ incredibly_ beautiful naked and in my bed. I don't want him to leave, but for this to happen again and again, I need him to.

"You can come shower with me, but then you have to leave. I need my beauty sleep, you know." I stand in the doorway that separates the bedroom from the bathroom, wearing even less than he is. I wonder if I tempt him half as much as he does me.

Maybe I do. He smiles and begins to crawl towards the foot of the bed. "You're already too beautiful. I think I better stay. Imagine what it will do to me if you wake up tomorrow more beautiful than right now. You'll own me, Bella. Completely." He climbs off the bed and walks to me. "Could you live with that? Knowing I was yours and how easily you could break me?"

I try not to stare. It's impossible. Every inch of him is lethal. Sometimes I'm sure I'm going to die from the sight of him. When he touches me, I know it's just a matter of time. "Don't talk like that," I try to scold him. "We shower and then you go back to your room."

I have to turn away. He overwhelms me with how much he makes me feel. If anyone is going to break anyone, it going to be me who ends up shattered.

Edward wraps his arms around my waist from behind. His hands are splayed across my stomach. "I don't see what the big deal is." One hand moves below my belly button. "We are two very consenting adults doing what adults do." His fingers dip between my legs and he kisses my neck. I love when he kisses my neck. His lips make me stop using my head. "We don't need to hide," he says as he buries two fingers inside. My words might tell him no, but my body keeps telling him yes. I'm fighting a losing battle because he knows I want what he wants, even if I won't admit it.

Edward is confidence personified. Fearless and brave. He thinks because I can stand on stage and sing in front of thousands, I possess the same kind of courage. I wish I did. I wish I stood up for myself more. I wish, for once, I would put my needs and wants before everyone else's.

And what I want is to tell the world he's mine. I want to kiss him onstage, in front of every crowd we perform for so all the girls know he's taken. His confidence almost makes me think I could. Maybe I could be me and not care what anyone thinks. Well, not just anyone..._someone_...what someone thinks.

But if I did that, if I let this part of me out in the open, I'd lose it faster than I found it. My mother would throw a fit. Edward is not what she envisions as my perfect mate. He's not clean-cut enough or famous enough yet. And the press? The press would have a field day. We'd be the paparazzi's new target. Every week, secret sources would be revealing our break up, our love child, our fights, our make ups. They'd dig into his past. They'd interview our former boyfriends and girlfriends who would suddenly want us back. And when we stood next to a member of the opposite sex, we'd be labeled cheaters.

I don't want them to have this. This thing that he and I have. We're falling in love and loving every second of it. I don't want them to ruin it. I want it to remain untainted by the world outside until I'm strong enough to face their judgment. He makes me stronger but not strong enough. Not yet.

I lean back into him. "Just...ahhhh...trust me." He reaches up and grabs my breast with his other hand, pinching, kneading.

"I think I'm in love with you Bella Swan, and I don't care who knows it."

I turn my head and he kisses me deeply, ardently. I feel it. What he feels for me is in every touch, every kiss. I turn my head because I can't do anything but give in when he brings me to this wave for a ride. His hands do their magic and I'm flying higher than I've ever flown. My entire body shudders with pleasure that should be bottled and sold for millions of dollars.

"That's it, baby." He kisses my neck. "Fuck, you're so beautiful when you come in my arms, Bella. So beautiful."

I am in love with him. There's no other way to feel. He consumes me. He has found his way under my skin. Like his tattoos, he has permanently marked me.

"You can stay a little bit longer," I say, giving in like he knew I would. He laughs quietly as I spin around in his arms so I can see his face and that disarming smile. I touch his cheek full of day old scruff. "But you have to leave before the sun comes up. Promise me."

He kisses my forehead, the tip of my nose, and finally my lips. "I promise. But I'm not afraid of your mom."

His mention of her makes the warm gooey feeling in my body begin to fade. "I know you aren't. I just want this bliss a little bit longer. She can't take you away, but she can make me suffer for it. Please let me have this tiny piece of secret serenity. Please." I bury my face into his chest, and he holds me so close. In his arms, I am safe. I am heard. I am understood. It's the only place I feel this way.

He plants kiss after kiss on top of my head. "Okay," he whispers.

* * *

He's gone when I wake in the morning. I didn't even hear him go. Once I'm awake, I can't imagine how I slept without him next to me. I certainly can't fall back asleep now that I know he's gone.

I need a plan. There needs to be a reason for Edward to be close at all times. One that won't make my mother too suspicious and allows us as much time together as possible. I need some help and there's only one person I dare trust. And she is not much of a morning person.

"Jesus, Bella. What the fuck time is it?" My sister does not like waking before 8:30. I push open her door and hand her the coffee I bought her from the little cafe in the lobby. I had to sign a napkin for the girl who rang me up but otherwise went unnoticed.

"I'm sleeping with Edward Cullen and I think I'm in love with him." I sit down on her bed, physically exhausted from that simple confession.

Rose's sleepy eyes are round and wide. "Shut the hell up."

I fall back on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. "It's true. It started in Chicago. I made out with him under the stage before the show. Then in Detroit, I was a complete slut in some empty office we found before his set. And now, he sneaks in my room at night and we have the best sex I have ever had in my entire life."

"Shut the hell up." It's all my sister can say.

"But this is more than sex, Rose. I swear, I'm falling in love with this guy."

I cover my face with my hands. I can't look at her. She isn't the judgy type, but for some reason I worry she isn't going to approve, and I need her to be happy for me on this one thing because this thing matters. _Edward_ matters. He matters more than anything else.

I feel her sit down next to me. She tugs at my hands, but I shut my eyes so I still can't see her. "I knew it. I knew he'd try to get to me through you," she says.

Suddenly, my worries are out the door. I bolt upright. "He is not!"

Rosalie starts laughing her ass off, that mischievous look in her eye. She was fucking with me and I could kill her, but I hug her instead.

"Edward Cullen," she muses. "Nice work, B."

"Please don't tell Mom," I beg into her messy bedhead hair.

She pushes me back. "No way! We can_not_ tell Mom. She'll freak. He has tattoos! Lots of them! She'd never let him date you. She'd let him date me but not her precious Isabella."

"That's kind of why I'm here. I have a favor to ask." I spent all morning working this out. It's our best bet. "You need to tell Mom you and Edward are dating."

Rosalie nearly spits up the sip of coffee she was taking. "Bella-"

"Rose, please! It's the only way we can spend time together without her getting suspicious. I promise it won't be forever. Just until I figure out how to make this work. Maybe once she gets to know him, she'll see he's amazing and smart and funny, and it won't matter that he has tattoos."

"He's not that smart."

I laugh through my nose. "Yes, he is. He's very smart."

My protective twin takes a good look at me. She contemplates this crazy plan. "You're sure he's for real. That this isn't like that John Mayer incident," she says, throwing my worst moment in my face.

"Oh my god, this is nothing like John Mayer!" I push her shoulder. "I didn't sleep with John Mayer, thank you very much. I recorded a song and went on two dates."

"And spent five hundred hours on the phone breaking up and making up."

"We were never really together. He had this way of...oh nevermind!" I stand up, exasperated. She will never let me live it down that I fell into the John Mayer trap. "There is no comparing that to what I have, what I _feel_ for Edward. I have never felt this way about a guy. I can't even explain it. He's yummier than a hot fudge sundae. He's like snuggling under the down comforter on my bed at home on a cold winter night. He's safe and warm and makes me want to stay in bed forever."

She laughs. "I bet he does."

I'm not ashamed even if I'm blushing. "Whatever this is, it makes me feel free and he makes me feel..._alive._ Rose, it's better than being on stage."

"Holy shit. You are in love."

I nod. I am.

"Can I call him Cuddlebug?"

I narrow my eyes at her before bursting with laughter. "I say you can call him anything you want. He might object to cutesy nickname, though."

"Well, he's going to have to deal with it because if I'm pretending to have a boyfriend and you get to have all the mind blowing sex, I'm calling him every obnoxious pet name I can think of."

_Whatever it takes._

* * *

"Why is the opening act joining us for lunch?" my mother asks, scrunching her nose as she reads the text from Rosalie. "And why is she referring to him as her 'honeybear'?"

"Rose likes him. He likes her. He's a nice guy. We can all hang out, can't we?" I follow her down the hall to the elevator.

"He has all those icky tattoos." She shivers and shakes her head like tattoos are pus-infected sores or something. "Plus, I heard he was homeless before all this. I don't know what your sister is thinking."

I bite my lip to stop myself from defending Edward and his past to her. She, of all people, shouldn't judge. Dad died when Rosalie and I were five. He left her with nothing but bills and two mouths to feed. We might live like royalty now, but that wasn't always the case. But if I start to talk about what I know, she'll know something's up, so I say nothing.

"I suppose as long as you keep an eye on her, it'll be fine. She never fancies anyone too long. In fact, I can't believe this will last much past lunch."

Mom knows Rosalie so well. But my sister is destined to be better at fake relationships than real ones. She really can't get any worse, that's for sure. "I'll make sure to hang out whenever he's around. Make sure there's no funny business, I promise." _At least not between Rose and Edward._

Mom throws her arm over my shoulder and side hugs me. "Oh, Isabella. That's what I love about you. You're my good one. I can always count on you. You know how much that means to me, don't you?"

_I know_. She has a way of making me feel guilty when she doesn't even know she should.

We're on our way to lunch with Alec Grainger from RCA. He has an idea for my next video. He's got a director all picked out. I'm not sure who he's trying to impress, me or Mom, but lately it feels like me. And it makes my stomach turn. He's a nice guy and he works hard. Mom likes him. The only problem she has is he works for the record company. Should we ever get a better offer from someone else when our contract is up, RCA and everyone affiliated with them will be history. I think she's still trying to decide if a personal connection to the record company would be in our favor or not. I say look what happened to Mariah Carey and Tommy Mottola. I don't want to end up another divorce statistic.

Not that I would ever marry Alec. I'm not even going to date Alec. At some point, I need to put my foot down about something, and who I date and fall in love with will be it. Eventually... I hope.

"So, that's my idea," Alec says, looking to my mom and then to me. "I'll get in contact with Brian and we can get on a soundstage during that break you have between the show in New York and the one in Las Vegas."

"We love Brian," Mom says before sipping from her water glass.

"He's great. I've checked and he's available."

"Perfect."

Edward leans forward, elbows on the table and stares at me. "What do you think, Bella?"

All eyes go from me to him and back to me. I think I hate the thought of yet another video where I lay in flower petals or wear ridiculous outfits that make me look like a teenager. I think it would be nice if we thought outside the box. I think doing something that embraces who I really am would be cool.

"She loves it," Mom answers for me.

"Do you love it, Bella?" Edward raises his eyebrows, waiting for an answer from my lips. The lips he kissed silly all night long. The lips I don't know how to open right now.

"Oh, Sweet Cheeks." Rosalie laughs and pulls him back in his seat. "My sister is a go with the flow kind of person. She_ hates_ to make waves," she explains in an attempt to clue him in. We don't fight with Mom or the record company when they love something.

"Isabella understands how the business works." Alec smiles at Edward as if he's some know-nothing.

"I'm well aware of how the business works." Edward won't be stopped. And his ability to fight for me makes me want to fight for myself. "I also want to hear what Bella thinks. She is allowed to think, isn't she?"

"I'm pretty sure we've covered that she loves it," Mom snaps. She does not like to say things twice. "If she didn't love it, she would have said so." He's not winning her over. In fact, Mom will be pushing Rosalie to dump him as soon as this lunch is over.

"Do you, Bella? Do you love it?" His green eyes pierce my skin, see inside my head. He knows the only thing I love about what's being said here is what's coming out of his mouth. I love that mouth, too.

"It sucks." I can't believe I say it. But I do and I want to smile and throw up. I'm not sure which will happen first.

"Isabella!" My mother is appalled. Rose's mouth falls open in shock before curling into an amused smile.

Alec is completely confused. "What do you mean it sucks?"

"I hate the whole idea. I don't like any of it. And Brian creeps me out. He made some comments to me the last time we worked together that made me really uncomfortable. I'd rather not work with him again."

The smile on Edward's face lets me know he's proud of me. "She doesn't love it, Alec," he says, throwing an arm behind Rosalie.

Mom and Alec are stunned into silence.

"Well, surprise, surprise." Rosalie snuggles up against Edward. "I think you and I are going to be together forever, Mr. Cutie Pants," she says, grinning at me. She approves. He may not have won Mom over, but Rose has given her blessing. Her smile also says she pretty proud of me for standing up for myself. And for the first time in a long time, I'm actually proud of myself.

* * *

The knock on my door that night doesn't come soon enough. He slips in and has me up against the wall immediately. His strong, hard body presses against mine in the most divine way. His lips go to work as I dig my fingers into the hair on the nape of his neck.

"If your sister calls me Snuggle Bunny tomorrow, I'm breaking up with her."

I laugh a little breathless as I wrap my legs around his waist. I feel him there between my legs and I curse myself for answering the door with pants on. I kiss along his jaw. "I think I might start calling you Sweet Cheeks."

His hands hold me up by my sweet cheeks as he carries me to the bed. "Yeah, we're going to fuck that idea right out of that pretty little head of yours."

"Sounds good," I say with a smirk. He takes his time undressing me, but the first round of sex is fast and hard. Edward grips one of my legs and pushes inside me. His moans and pants make me smile. He kisses me everywhere. His mouth knows my body as well as his hands. Skin against skin. I want it like this always. We're both warm and wet. It doesn't take much to work up a sweat. And when every beautiful muscle in his body flexes, I know he's close.

"So good, so good, so, so good," he mumbles. "Damn you feel so good, baby."

He lets go and I commit the look of sheer pleasure on his face to memory. I never want to forget what he looks like when he comes inside me. I want to have this affect on him the rest of our lives.

We hold each other under the covers, his fingertips brush against my sensitive nipples. We lay quietly until he breaks the silence. "It's _your_ career. You should always have an opinion."

"I know."

"I'm glad you told them how you felt."

"Me, too."

I listen to his heart beating in his chest. I wonder how I lived all these years without knowing he existed. I can't imagine not having him in my life anymore. It would kill me. I don't mean to sound crazy. I'm simply in love. We have something that's beyond anything I have ever experienced with another person.

"It's also _your_ life. You have a right to live it the way you want." His hands move up and down my back. He holds me so close. I get what he's saying. I know what he wants. I am strong. I am brave.

"I know."

"I want to date you. Not your sister."

"I know. I just..." I don't know what to say. He's right. Sneaking around implies this is wrong. We are not wrong. But I'm still feeling selfish. "I need a little more time. I promise it won't always be like this."

His hands don't stop caressing my skin. He kisses the top of my head. "I love you and that's not going to change. In private or once the public knows. It doesn't matter."

His words fill my heart. I won't ever let them go. "I love you, too. I'm trying. I really am."

His lips kiss me again and again. "I know," he whispers.

He is strong. He makes me strong. I am getting stronger. I'm just not strong enough. Not yet.

But I will be.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4, who is coming to visit me in less than two months. YAY! **

**Thanks to all of you readers, reviewers, pimpers. All those people talking about this on FB and Twitter. You are awesome and make me so happy. Thank you thank you thank you. **

**Have I thoroughly confused the hell out of you yet? I'm trying...**

**xoxo,**

**TF**


	5. Chapter 5

**NOW**

Watching the way Bella handles herself in public makes me love her more. Fan meet and greets can be a little tedious, but you would never know it by looking at her. She smiles and hugs every fan, treats them like long lost friends. From the little girls who squeal when she walks in the room to the grown men who probably have fantasies about her that would make me break their faces.

I'm not going to break any faces today. Jess got me in the room and I'm not going to ruin it by kicking some over-excited fan's ass. Renee flew to New York this morning to deal with something, leaving Bella in her assistant's care. Too bad for Renee, Jess likes me. Well, she likes Jasper, at least. They set me up as special guest at the meet and greet. I went first and hung around to watch Bella work her magic on these people.

"Oh, don't cry!" Bella throws her arms around a teenaged girl who has dissolved into tears when it's her turn. The girl can barely speak. Her equally emotional friend joins in the hug.

"We just love you so much. We prayed for you every day after the accident. I can't believe we're here!" More tears. More hugging. Bella is as gracious as ever, thanking them for their prayers and thoughts during her recovery.

"I'm as good as new, I promise," Bella says.

_Liar. _I keep my mouth shut and my back against the wall. I'm in charge of manning the candy counter with Jess and Jasper. After the fans meet Bella and get their autograph and picture, they come over here and fill up a bag full of sugar. Something sweet from America's sweetheart. _My_ sweetheart.

There's one more round of hugging and Bella signs their backstage passes. They pose for a picture and she thanks them again for coming to the show and supporting her. This is a day those two girls will never forget as long as they live. Maybe. I've learned there's no guarantee.

Bella makes the moment magical for everyone who's lucky enough to get to meet her. There is just something about her that touches people. People think it's her music, but it's more than the words she sings. It's inside her. It's her spirit.

Her spirit is so strong. I still think it's what kept her alive. Bella is the strongest woman I know. Underneath all that self-doubt is a someone who never gives up, works harder than everyone, and puts it all out there night after night.

Last up is the Make-a-Wish group. Little Liam read me the riot act before Bella came in, informing me that she was supposed to marry him. I apologized but asked him if he really thought I could say no to Isabella Swan when she asked me to marry her. He agreed that there was no way I could have said no.

Liam is a six year old with Stage IV neuroblastoma. The cancer that started in the nerve tissue of his abdomen had spread to his lymph nodes and now his liver. His parents told me Bella's music was the one thing that brought him comfort in the hospital when he went in for treatments or surgeries. He knows every word to every song.

"Well, hello there, Handsome!" Bella bends over and shakes her head at his frail, little hand. She opens her arms for a hug instead. The smile on his face is so big, it's infectious. His bald head is covered by a Boston Red Sox baseball cap and his Make-a-Wish t-shirt is too big for his tiny frame, but he wraps his arms around Bella and hugs her with everything he's got.

I swallow hard, trying not to think about how this kid will never know what it's like to hug a woman for real. To fall in love and get that first kiss. He won't go to prom or get lucky in the backseat of his old man's car. He won't marry his soulmate. Or hold his own child in his arms. Fuck, I wasn't going to think about that. I clear my throat and wipe my eyes discreetly.

"I have a couple questions for you," he says, pulling a piece of paper out of his front pocket.

"Great. I love questions."

I smile. _Liar. _

"First, if you could be any superhero, who would you be?"

_Tough question. _Is there one that can give people their memories back? Because that's who I would be. Bella has to think about it a second. She scrunches up her nose and tilts her head.

"I'm going to go with Wonder Woman because her costume is pretty awesome."

Liam's giggle makes me smile bigger. "You can't pick her because of the costume!"

"I can't? But that's what us girls care about!" she asserts.

"Fine." He looks over his list of questions. "Which would you rather be, a fish or a bird."

_Bird. _Who doesn't want to fly?

"Fish," Bella says. "I hate flying." I should have known that. Flying around Europe was her least favorite part of the tour.

"What cookie is the best: oreos or chocolate chip?"

_Peanut butter. _

"Oh come on, peanut butter is the best! You're not even going to make that a choice?"

Bella has a peanut butter cookie obsession. It's the only thing on her rider that really is for her. We didn't even have a wedding cake. We split a giant peanut butter cookie.

Liam runs through the rest of his questions and announces he has one more tough one.

"Lay it on me," Bella says.

"If you met me before Edward Cullen, would you have married me instead?"

Bella's face flushes pink. She can't help but look over at me. My smile makes her look away. She married me. She did and everybody knows it. Except for her.

"I would have definitely married you instead." She stage whispers, "You're so much cuter." Then she kisses him on the cheek.

Liam looks like he won the lottery. I know that feeling. I used to get those kisses all the time. Bella and Liam's parents chat while Liam hits the candy table to fill up a bag. He rubs it in that Bella said he was cuter. I let it slide. _ This time_, I tell him.

I can tell Liam's parents told Bella the same thing they told me. Liam won't be here the next time we come through town. I can also see that it's hitting Bella hard.

Jasper's tugging on my arm, encouraging me to head out before this thing is over. I'm not going anywhere until I know Bella's okay.

"All right everyone, it's time for Bella to go," Jess says and the crowd groans. "She has to get ready and time is tight. Thank you so much for coming and please enjoy the show!"

Bella waves and smiles that phony smile. She can't speak because she knows what will happen if she opens her mouth. I'm right behind them as they leave. Jess leads her back to her dressing room and everyone is distracted. They're looking at their phones or discussing what comes next. No one is paying attention to the way Bella looks. No one notices she's ready to fall apart. No one but me.

"Dude, don't do anything stupid," Jasper warns. I push past the other Renee-hired lackeys.

"Edward-" Jess says, trying to stop me. I don't want to get her in trouble, but fuck that.

I wrap Bella up in my arms just as she succumbs to the tears. She sobs in my arms and I don't let her go. I kiss the top of her head and try to comfort her. "You made him the happiest kid in the entire world, baby. That was the best moment of his life. You did that for him. Only you."

Bella says nothing. She can't, the emotion is too much. The hurt is too much. Death is a fucking bitch. It takes some people too soon and others not soon enough.

Bella gave death two middle fingers and a big f you. But not everyone is so lucky and she knows this all too well. Her hands fist and her tears wet my black t-shirt. She hurts so much that she doesn't care that she's not supposed to like me or know me or let me hold her. She needs someone to take care of her and that's what I was put on this earth to do.

Having her in my arms is heaven. She smells the same as I remember. Like lilacs and hairspray. The hair extension she has to wear don't feel the same as her real hair, but they smell the same. After the accident Bella was as bald as Liam. They had to shave her head for surgeries that kept her alive. It didn't matter to me because Bella is beautiful hair or no hair, makeup or no makeup. Once her hair grew out enough, Renee had extensions put in so it looked the same as it did before the accident. Renee wishes everything was the same. She wants to pretend that the accident never happened.

But it did.

Bella wasn't who Renee thought she was before the accident anyway. Bella was more. She is more. I just need to figure out how to find her in there, in her damaged brain.

The horrible sobbing turns to simple crying, which turns to quiet hiccuping. Her face is still buried in my shirt. "He's so young. It's not fair," she says through the last of her tears.

"It's not. It's not fair at all."

"He never had a chance." She's working herself up again, so I hold her tighter. I know she's going to be embarrassed when reality sets back in. But this proves what I've known all along. Her body knows me. It molds against mine like a missing puzzle piece. Her heart knows me. It needs me. Together, both of our hearts can heal.

I don't want her to cry, but I don't want to let her go. I rub her back; she's so much smaller than before. Too skinny. So breakable.

"He's made the most of the time he's been given. That's all any of us can do."

We breathe and we settle. Soon, our hearts are beating to the same steady rhythm. I know it won't be long before she pushes me away. I try to brace myself, try to protect my heart from the hit it's going to take. I focus on this small victory. She let me touch her. She let me take care of her.

She pulls back and I see the confusion in her eyes. Her head can't understand what her heart wants. She takes a step back and covers her face in embarrassment. "Oh, God. I'm sorry."

Jess is there, putting an arm around her shoulders, helping her sit on one of the couches in the dressing room. "You should go, Edward." Like I was the reason she was crying or something.

I shake my head. I've come too far to run away like a good little boy. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella. Nothing."

She wipes her face with her hands and looks up at me with those red-rimmed, all-cried-out eyes. Her teeth bite into her bottom lip, but she gives me a little nod.

I crouch down in front of her, putting a hand on her knee. "You've been told things that aren't true. Give me three names; give me the names of three people who work on this tour who you trust and aren't in your mom's back pocket. Who would you trust to tell you the truth?"

"You really need to go. Don't make me ask Stefan and Vlad to remove you." Jess isn't messing around. I can hear the two bodyguards move behind me. I'm about to be picked up and thrown out.

"Three names, Bella. Come on. I know there are people you trust." The guys grab my arms. My attempt to shake them off only makes them grip harder. "Who, Bella? Who?"

"Rachel. I trust Rachel," Bella says as I'm yanked to my feet.

_Perfect choice._ Rachel will do just fine. I don't need them to toss me out the door, but they do anyway. I run down the hall and try to find the massive wardrobe room. Rachel will most likely be sewing something that got ripped or torn. I skid to a stop when I find her.

"I need a favor."

Rachel shakes her head. "I am not mending anymore of your t-shirts, Edward. Don't you know most guys throw them out when they get ripped? Shit, you make enough money to buy a hundred new shirts."

The right side of my mouth quirks up. "It's not my shirt that needs fixing. It's my wife."

She stops what she's doing and looks up at me. "Edward..."

"Please, just hear me out." I fall to my knees in front of her. "She asked for you. She trusts you to tell her the truth. I want you to tell her everything. Everything you know about us."

Rachel starts shaking her head before I even finish my plea. "I don't think I want to get in the middle of this."

"All you have to do is tell her what you know. This isn't about choosing sides. Renee isn't even here."

"What am I supposed to say exactly? I caught you two making out a few times? Bella told me she was in love with you? That I told her sneaking around was going to come back to bite her?"

"Yes, all of that."

Rachel shakes her head again and goes back to work on a dress of Bella's. "Renee will have me fired if she finds out I knew about you two. She's been threatening everyone. It's a good thing it was Rosalie's name on the marriage license as a witness. Anyone else would have been a goner." Her eyes close for a second and then lift to mine, sorry and sad.

I put a hand on her knee like I did with Bella just moments ago. "I know what you meant. Bella will never let Renee fire you for telling her the truth."

Rachel's laugh is hard and humorless. "Her memory of you wasn't the only thing that girl lost in the accident. You know that as well as I do. Her backbone isn't what it used to be."

She's right and I hate it. Bella had come so far, only to lose all the progress she'd made and then some. I was not going to stop until I helped her find that again.

"I promise you. If you tell Bella what you know, she will let me in. If she lets me in, Renee will be a non-issue."

It's a hard sell. Rachel ties off her thread and snips it with some scissors. She's afraid for her job and considering how crazy Renee's been, I don't blame her. She sets the dress aside and scrubs her face with her hands. She sighs. "I'll tell her what I know."

"Make sure you mention the part about her telling you it was her idea to make it look like Rosalie and I were together."

"Oh, you think that part's important, huh?" Her sarcasm makes me smile.

"Thank you." I jump up and kiss her on the cheek. Finally. Finally, I'm going to gain some ground. If she knows this truth, maybe she'll give me a chance to get close. Maybe she'll finally stop asking me to sign the papers for good. I hold out my hand and Rachel takes it so I can pull her to her feet. I practically drag her all the way to Bella's room.

Jasper is waiting for me, looking more than pissed. Vlad and Stefan aren't happy to see me, but they let Rachel pass. After a minute, the rest of the room clears out and I know Bella and Rachel are in there alone. Jess shakes her head at me.

"I hope you know what you're doing."

I am not afraid of Renee Swan. Never have been. "She deserves to know the truth, don't you think? Or do you think it's fair that her mother has filled her head with lies and half-truths?"

"I don't know what the truth is. I wasn't here before. All I know is Renee works day and night, night and day for Bella. I'm not sure what your intentions are, but I know everything she does is for Bella."

I push off the wall that I'm leaning against. This is the bullshit that makes my blood boil. Everyone thinks the woman deserves Mother of the Year. All the while she's slowly draining Bella of every last ounce of strength she has.

"For Bella? Renee doesn't do it for Bella. She does it for herself. Everything Bella does is for Renee. She shouldn't even be on tour right now. She should be recuperating. She should be letting her body recover. She should be allowed to grieve for more than two seconds. We're all here because Renee needs to be on tour. She needs to be working so she doesn't have to face the facts. Everything Renee does benefits no one but Renee."

"It's easy for you to make her the bad guy. I get that. You spend every day focused on what you lost in that accident, but do you ever think about what she lost?" Jess folds her arms across her chest and leans against the opposite wall. Renee hired her when this part of the tour started. She's smart and does her best to look after Bella. She makes sure she gets where she's supposed to be when she's supposed to be there. Her intentions seem good for the most part. But she doesn't know the whole story. She doesn't know what Bella really wants because she doesn't know the real Bella. She knows this Bella. This Bella is so riddled with guilt and confused because of her memory loss that _she_ doesn't even know who she really is.

Maybe I am hung up on my losses. Maybe I want what I want without thinking about anyone else. I know what Renee has lost. I also know what else she stands to lose if Bella ever remembers me. The difference between me and Renee is that I know Bella wanted what I want. I can feel bad for Renee all day, but it doesn't change the fact that she has repeatedly failed at the one job Bella really wants her to have - being her mom.

"What about what Bella lost? Who's worrying about that?" Jasper asks. He looks back and forth between us.

"I am." I know I am. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one.

Jess shrugs. "If you go to war with Renee, that's not going to help Bella. That's all I'm saying."

"I don't want a war. I just want my wife back."

"And what if she's gone?"

I have no answer for that because I can't even begin to accept that. I won't. The door to the dressing room opens, and Rachel comes out. It's obvious she's been crying, but she gives me a small smile as she heads back to where she came from. I can't thank her enough.

Bella sticks her head out and her face is wet with new tears. She ushers her entourage back into the room. My insides twist and my head pounds. I wait for her to say something. Anything that lets me know she gets it now. That she knows I was never playing a game. She has owned me since day one. I am hers and hers alone. There was no one else. There never will be anyone else. She is all I want. All I will ever want.

She stays in the doorway. Her hand rests on the doorknob. She wipes those wet cheeks with the back of her other hand. I want to hold her again. Will I ever hold her again? She stares at me and I can tell that it's with new eyes. Eyes that have had the veil of lies lifted. She might not remember, but her head now trusts her heart a little bit more.

"Can I talk to you after the show?" she asks me.

I'm not sure how I remain standing. "Absolutely."

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4. She's so good to me. Thank you guys for reading. You are too good to me. **

**Couple announcements. I'm donating a Fridays at Noon outtake to a compilation for katalina . fandomcause . info Please check it out and read Katalina's story. Then donate!**

**Secondly, I have entered a real writing contest and need you all to go vote for me once a day starting today until Oct. 11th. I will love you all forever and ever! The winner of the contest gets their book published with Harlequin Romance. I am so excited and would so appreciate your support. Please go to my profile for the link!**

**Lastly, Now and Then is up for fic of the week at The Lemonade Stand. Head over to tehlemonadestand . net**

**xoxo,  
TF**


	6. Chapter 6

THEN

I will probably kill someone before this night is over.

I hate Grammy after-parties. I especially hate the ones at the Playboy mansion. I hate them more tonight because he's here with Rose, which _should_ be keeping the tramps at bay. If my sister was being a better fake girlfriend and not off flirting with every other guy in this place, that is.

I should be focusing on how lucky I was to have him almost beside me when we each won tonight. I was more excited for him than myself. He deserved the New Artist award and we even got to hug in public. He's my sister's boyfriend, it was completely acceptable to congratulate one another.

_I can't wait to fuck a Grammy winner. _ Those were the delicious words he had whispered in my ear before I left to accept my award. It's a wonder I made it through my speech, my face must have been firetruck red. I returned the sentiment when he won. He still looked rockstar cool when he got on stage. Maybe I didn't have the same effect on him that he had on me.

Finishing off the glass of champagne someone recently handed me, I stare hard at the woman talking to Edward. She's flipped her tar-colored hair over her shoulder so many times, I've lost count. She's giggled and laughed at who knows what. She's fingered the charm that dangles from her necklace and is practically buried in her cleavage three times, trying to lure his eyes down there. He's resisted, but I know it must be hard. Edward loves boobs. Well, my boobs at least.

It doesn't help that he looks like sex. It's making me crazy. He's ditched his tie and unbuttoned a few buttons on his shirt. His sleeves are rolled and pushed up, showing off the ink on his forearm. His hair stands up in a million different directions from all his manhandling. There are probably a hundred women at this party who want to writhe underneath him. The one talking to him now thinks she might have a chance.

It also doesn't help that he certainly doesn't appear as miserable as I feel at the moment. His eyes finally fall to the bosom in front of him, and I snap. I trade my empty glass for a full one as I make my way over to him. I've had too many for sure, but I down this one anyway and toss the glass on the lawn.

"Are you guys staying at the Four Seasons?" the wannabe bunny asks, her hand sliding down his chest. "You know there's always room for Grammy winners in the mansion."

_Really? _Murder sounds like an excellent plan. Edward's eyes lift to mine just as I get in striking distance. His eyebrows pinch together and worry lines etch his forehead. He steps between me and my potential victim just in time.

"Isabella!" he says all fake happy to see me and grabs my wrist. "Have you seen Rosalie? I seem to have misplaced her." He turns to the not-dead-yet boob pushing whore. "Excuse me, but I need to find my date. It was nice to meet you, Caroline."

"Carmen," she corrects and I smile as he spins me around and leads me away by the elbow. He's touching me, but it's not enough. I need more. I need him to touch me all over. I need to be covered in him. I grab another drink. Damn, these bunny waitresses are everywhere.

"How many of these have you had?" he asks gruffly, taking the glass from me and setting it on another passing tray. He leads me away from the crowd. His breath is hot on my neck as he leans down and speaks in my ear. "I lost count after Justin Timberlake brought you one. Isn't he engaged? Why was he in your personal space so long?"

"In _my_ personal space? What about Carmen-not-Caroline and her boobs in your personal space? You didn't seem bothered by that," I snap back.

Edward eyes roam side to side, searching for a secluded spot. When he seems satisfied we're hidden from view, he's on me. His tongue invades my mouth, his fingers digging into my sides, pulling my body to his. I wrap my arms around his neck, clinging, holding on, needing him here with me always. Sometimes it feels like too much. Like I can't possibly want him more than I did the day before, but every day this feeling grows bigger. It's filling me to capacity, swelling my heart, my soul until they're ready to burst.

His hands move to my back, my backless dress offering him plenty of skin to touch. They feel cool in comparison to my overheated body. He makes me feverish, my heart beats too fast, my body literally shakes. He's the reason my head is always spinning.

"This dress has been killing me all night. Fuck, Bella. I want you all the time. This can't be normal."

I know exactly how he feels. This love is too big for the both of us and that makes me smile. At least I'm not alone; he burns and aches with me. His hands grip my ass, pulling me closer, helping him press his hardness right where I need him the most.

The sound of voices and laughter force us apart. I push him away, afraid of being seen. We've come too far to get caught now. Another voice calls out and the ones headed our way change direction and walk away. I'm relieved and reach for Edward, but he knocks my hands away. The look on his face rips my heart to pieces.

"This is such bullshit." He turns to leave and I want to follow, but my feet are cemented to the ground. I am weighed down by my guilt and shame. I am weak and he is strong. He puts up with so much. He gives me what I ask for, so I take and take and take. I know it's wrong, but I need it. I need him. I need him to be a secret just a little bit longer.

"Please," I cry out, my voice a strangled version of itself. I've had too much to drink and not enough time alone with him. He calms me. He centers me.

He whirls around, his frustration clear. "Please what, Bella? Do you know how much it kills me to be near you without being able to _be_ with you? How much it stings when you push me away, when you make me hide what I feel?" His hands are in his hair, pulling and twisting. "I feel too much! Do you not understand that? I can't hide this anymore. I feel like anyone who looks at me has to see that you own me. You own me, but you won't claim me. Do you know what that does to me?"

His pain is my pain. I can't even look at him. I hide my face in my hands. "Please, please, please don't leave me. Please," I beg and pray.

"Leave you?" He grabs my wrists and pulls my hands away so I'm forced to see the anguish in his eyes. "God, Bella. I can't leave you. I can't fucking breathe without you."

I fall into his arms, press my face into the crook of his neck, and cry. In his arms I always feel better. I get what I need. He can't leave me. _Thank God._ "You think this will be easier when they all know. You think everything will be better when we tell, but it won't. It'll get harder and messier. People will try to come between us."

"Let them try." He so sure. So unafraid. I need him this way. He can't ever give up on me.

"I don't want them to try. I don't want to fight with you, but I can't fight my mom, the press, all the people who think their opinions and judgement matter. I can't."

"You can. I need you to."

I want to give him what he wants. I want to see that smile on his face, the one that makes me happy just looking at it. But I need more time. "It's only been a few months."

"Almost five, Bella. Five months of living half a life."

I kiss his neck, his jaw, his cheek. I apologize with my lips. I have a plan. I have a plan that will make everything better. "When the tour ends. When we go back to our real lives, we can start together. I promise."

He grabs my face and holds me back. "When the tour ends, we come out of hiding?"

"I swear." Hopefully I'll be brave enough by then. With his help, I might be.

He's quiet, reflective, thinking over my offer. His lips find mine with a renewed vigor. "Where's Rosalie? We need to get the fuck out of here so we can be alone."

Just like that I am forgiven and given a little more time to figure out how to be who he needs me to be. I can't let him down.

Back at the hotel, he loves me with his body, relieving his frustration with each thrust of his hips. He marks me with his teeth as he bites my shoulder, my breast, my hip. His fingers dig into my flesh as he pulls me closer, presses into me. It's never close enough, he wants to get deeper inside. I always need him deeper.

The sheets are kicked off the bed, and my head hits the headboard as he pounds, pounds, pounds. I think he wants to break me. I want to let him. I bend my knees and pull them up to give him more, more, more until he explodes with a scream that could wake the whole hotel. He smothers me, letting his body cover mine completely as he gasps and cusses. I hold him even though I can barely breathe. He rolls off, grabbing my arms and pushing me away.

"Jesus, Bella. I'm smashing you." His hands are in his hair and his breathing is still heavy. He stares up at the ceiling.

"It's fine."

He turns his head, his eyes a fiery green. "Did I hurt you? I lost myself," he says, reaching over and cupping me with a gentle hand between the legs. "I never want to hurt you."

"I'm fine. It hurts good."

He groans and kisses my shoulder. "Don't say that. I was an animal." He kisses my neck and his fingers massage my tender flesh. "I'm sorry."

I lift my hips and push against his hand, needing more friction, wishing he was on top of me again. I will never forget how he feels, he has marked me with more than his teeth. "I'm yours. I'm forever yours. You don't have to apologize."

He pushes inside and his thumb moves in a slow, easy circle until it's me who is screaming and coming apart. He kisses my mouth to quiet me down. I shudder and quake and see stars. This is what makes all the secrets worth it. These moments no one can touch. Moments no one knows about but the two of us.

"Are you worried it won't feel like this when everyone knows?" he asks. I can hear the worry. He knows me, it's almost like he can read my mind.

I rest my head on his chest. My fingers run through the light dusting of hair there. "Sometimes. But then again I never thought it could feel like this in the first place, so I know I shouldn't worry about it."

"What happens behind closed doors will still be ours. And when this tour is over, I plan to keep you behind closed doors for a very long time." He runs his hands up and down my back.

"That should be a song on my new album. Behind Closed Doors."

"I like it. It can be a duet with me." He smiles and I want to crawl on top of him again. "Then I'll have to go on tour with you again so we can perform it together every night."

"Will you teach me to play guitar? I want to play with you." I sit up and scramble out of bed. I need some water and Advil. Between the champagne and the sex, I am destined to be hurting in the morning.

"I'll teach you anything you want to know," he says, sitting up and attempting to remake the bed. "Have you ever played before?"

I shake my head. "Mom said that's Taylor Swift's thing. We didn't want to be a copy, we wanted to be an original."

"Because no one else plays the guitar in all of music? God, your mother is so …"

"So not a factor anymore." It's time to tell him my plan, the way I'm going to make this all work. I feel lightheaded just thinking about it. "I'm going to fire her. After this tour, I don't want her to be my manager. She'll be my mom only. That way the next album, the next tour can be mine. Just mine. No influence from her or the record company. If they don't like it, I'll sign with someone else who will." I swallow down three pills with a bottle of water. My anxiety skyrockets at saying all of that out loud.

"Wow. You're really going to do this? Break free?"

"And tell the world you're mine so nobody thinks they can invite you into the Playboy mansion anymore."

Edward laughs and lays back down on the bed. "You looked lethal. I thought Caroline was done for."

"Carmen," I correct. Maybe he knew. Maybe he didn't, but I love that he acts like she isn't important enough to remember.

"Whatever. I just assumed I was the only one with jealousy issues."

I climb back in bed with him and straddle his hips. "I'm a twin. I've had to share everything, even the womb. It's time I get a little possessive."

His hands settled on my waist, his thumbs rub back and forth. "You're all I see, Bella. No one else exists."

I bend down and kiss his lips. I will never forget the way he makes me feel. It's life-changing.

* * *

The next morning, my mother is basking in my Grammy win as if it was her own. She's smiling and being nice to everyone as I do some press. I'm tired, anxious, and sore as hell. My entire body aches from what Edward did to it last night. I had to change my outfit three times before I found something that covered up the bite mark on my neck. That would have been tough to explain away if my mom had seen it.

"So you finally broke up with the opening act?" my mother says as she looks at her phone. We're all in the back of the limo that's driving us to the airport so we can fly to Vegas for the next show on the tour.

"What?" my sister and I say at the same time.

She turns her phone so we both see the picture of Rosalie and some football player at the Playboy mansion party. My sister is on the guy's lap and her tongue is most likely down his throat. I am going to kill her.

"Emmett McCarty. Mmm." Rose looks dazzled and I'm two seconds away from smacking that look off her face.

"You aren't breaking up with Edward, right Rose?" I ask, banging my leg against hers. She snaps out of her reverie.

"Yeah, I mean, no. I'm totally not breaking up with my vanilla cupcake. Come on! I'd be crazy to give him up."

Mom's not buying it. "Where was he when you were making out with this Emmett person?"

Making out with me most likely.

"Oh my god, Mom. I was not making out with him." _Lie._ "It was for the cameras. Edward was right there. We were all drunk and fooling around. It was the Playboy mansion." Rose rolls her eyes for effect.

"Lovely, Rosalie. I suppose I should be happy you weren't half naked or will that be the picture in the next issue of the magazine?" Mom is unimpressed but seems to be buying the story. "I certainly hope you stayed out of all this nonsense, Isabella."

"I stayed out of trouble. I swear."

"Good. At least one of you has some sense. The last thing this tour needs is a scandal. Please refrain from making the cover of Star Magazine, Rose. You don't need to be the reason your sister gets any bad press."

"No, we wouldn't want that, would we? No scandals or_ secrets_ to be spilled around here," Rosalie says, annoyed and frustrated. Just like Edward, this lie I ask her to tell is beginning to wear on her. I flash her my please shut the hell up eyes and she does. She doesn't like this anymore, but she'll continue to play along as long as I need her to. That's just the kind of sister she is. We may be different in many ways, but we always have each other's back.

Mom is back on her phone, checking her calendar and reading texts. "That reminds me. Alec asked me if he could take you on a little getaway in a couple weeks, Isabella. I told him I thought it was a wonderful idea. It's time we get you out in public with someone respectable. We need something to give the press so they'll finally stop running anything that has to do with you and John Mayer."

"What?" Was this some kind of joke? Alec asked my mother for permission to take me on vacation? I could feel the heat creeping up my neck. "I'm not dating Alec, Mother. If you like him so much why don't you date him?"

She set her phone in her lap. "Don't give me a hard time. This is what your career needs. Trust me."

This was why I was firing her as soon as the tour ends. Her inability to separate my life and my career had gone too far. "Who I date has nothing to do with my career. Who I date is up to me and my heart."

"Really? You think you can just run off and date whoever and it won't impact your record sales? Are you really that naive? Take … the opening act for instance." _No. No, no, no, no. _"If you were the one dating him instead of your sister, do you have any idea how that would look? You'd alienate yourself from a huge demographic. The man has tattoos and probably a piercing in places I don't want to think about."

"He does not," I reply.

"No?" Rosalie looks at me. "Damn."

I give her the shut the hell up face. "Edward is a good person. If you got to know him like Rose and I have you'd see that."

Rosalie laughs. "I don't know if you really want Mom to get to know him like you-" My shut the fuck up face is now in full effect and my sister zips her lips.

Mom is back on her phone and not paying full attention. "All I'm saying is Alec is the best option right now. You will consider it."

"I won't."

She looks up, her eyes narrow. I don't defy her. Ever. "You will."

My heart pounds in my chest. She has always gotten her way simply because I have let her. I am not a child, though. I am no longer her puppet. This is the test Edward needs me to pass. He will not be okay with me going on vacation with Alec. "I won't. I am never, ever dating Alec. I will date who I want. You cannot make those choices for me."

"Really?" She knows I'm right, but that doesn't mean she won't try to make me think different.

"Really," I say surely as the adrenaline flows through my body. My fight or flight instinct has been set on flight for so long, it doesn't know what to think about me standing my ground.

"Fine," she concedes and goes back to her phone. "I'll tell him we have other plans. You need to stay focused on the tour anyway."

Rosalie squeezes my knee and smiles when I look up. I just got my way and it was as easy as demanding it. Edward is going to love this.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight**

**Thanks to momof4 for her look over. Thanks to all of you for your patience. I feel bad not updating once a week. I do promise things should come faster from here on out. Thank you to all of you who voted in the contest I entered. I have made it to the next round and hope to hear soon if I made it in the finals! I will keep you all updated. I appreciate all the support. You guys are the best readers ever. **

**Poor Bella. Just when she starts to break her chains... Five months together means we're close to the accident. I have to look at my outline but I think we're halfway done. This story is short but hopefully worth it! **

**Thanks again for all the support!**

**xoxo, TF**


	7. Chapter 7

NOW

She wants to talk to me. I can't think straight. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get through my entire set, her entire set, her shower ...oh I can't think about her in the shower. I'm never going to make it. I'm pacing the floor in my dressing room, and Jasper watches, shaking his head.

"Just because she wants to talk-"

"Don't," I say, pointing a finger at him in warning. "Don't you dare knock me off my cloud right now."

"Better me than her!" He stands in my way and stops my nervous movement. "I don't want to see you fall apart when it doesn't go the way you want. I can't."

"She listened to Rachel. She knows I was never with Rosalie."

"She's still confused as hell and as soon as Renee swoops back in, you could be back at square one. Just don't get all your hopes up. Please."

I close my eyes and almost pull my hair out of my head. I can't think about Renee right now. I need to focus on making Bella remember. "Let me have this, Jas."

"Edward," he says more like my friend than my manager. "Just don't go in thinking this is it. Don't put that pressure on you. Or her."

I know. I know I can't push her. I won't. I'll be good. I'll let her lead, only going as far as she'll take me.

The show helps. The music relaxes me and frees my mind. None of these songs are about her and it's easy to let it out. Everything I've written since I met her is all about her. My next album should be called Bella because I wrote songs about falling in love with her, about being in love with her, about hiding, about sex and obsession, about accidents and memories lost, and about miracles.

I need a miracle tonight.

I watch her show from the upper balcony, behind all the screaming fans. She fabulous, but I see the signs of her exhaustion. She lets the crowd sing more verses, she moves less, her encore break is longer than usual. Finishing this tour was such a mistake.

Jessica guards her door when I return backstage for my talk. She's probably in the shower, but my impatience is getting the best of me.

"Eager much?" she asks as I make my way down the hall.

"You have no idea."

"Don't make me call in the guard dogs. When she says time's up, time's up. I'm already trying to figure out how to not lose my job over this, don't make it worse, okay?" Jess looks legitimately nervous. I still have no idea why everyone thinks Renee has all the power. Bella is the boss. Of course, she's deferred to her mother too many times and it has confused everyone. To think we were so close to being free of her. Bella had big plans.

"I won't do anything crazy. I promise."

Jess laughs. "Tell that to the pap in Cincinnati."

"Don't start with me," I beg. _ Fucking Cincinnati. _I'll never live it down.

She smiles and shakes her head. "Let me see if she's ready for you." She knocks and opens the door. "Just me," she calls out as she steps through the opening and shuts the door behind her. I'm left with nothing but my nagging anxiety.

I go over the rules I've come up with over the last few hours:

#1 - no touching

#2 - refrain from calling her anything but Bella so I don't freak her out

#3 - no touching

#4 - don't talk about Renee

#5 - listen

#6 - no touching

I think that's everything. The no touching is going to be hard after holding her in my arms a few hours ago. If I close my eyes I can still feel her there, my body wrapped around hers. Nothing compares to that feeling. She's everything when she's in my arms.

_Fuck. _Rule #7 NO TOUCHING

I pace. I crack my knuckles. I tug on my hair. I bite my lip.

The door opens. Jess comes out and my heart is a time bomb ready to explode out of my chest.

"Okay, listen. She's tired and she has a pretty bad headache. Don't push her."

"I won't," I promise. She can't cancel on me. I need her to talk to me. I need to see that she understands.

Jess studies me for a minute and then moves aside so I can go in. I'm in the room with my scarred heart in hand. Bella sits on a soft, comfy couch in pink fleece pants and white t-shirt that's half wet from her damp hair. The urge to touch her is stronger than it's ever been. I want to pick her up and sit her in my lap. I want to kiss her face, her skinny arms, her pink painted toes. She looks tired, the kind that's bone deep. The kind that makes everything ache.

"Hey," I say in a breath. I lick my lips that are suddenly too dry. I don't know if I should sit or stand. How close is too close? Too close tempts me to break rules one, three, six, and seven.

She pulls her legs up and hugs them to her chest like she's protecting herself from me. I hate it. "You can sit if you want," she says and I'm on the far end of the couch before she finishes the offer.

"You look exhausted," I say, but I love you is what I'm thinking.

She presses her forehead to her knees. "I am."

"I'm usually so wired before a show. Afterwards, I just want to crash. It's like experiencing the highest high and the lowest low all in one day, you know?" Somewhere in her brain she already knows this about me. She knows how feisty I get before a gig. How I'd take her wherever I could get her so I could burn off my nervous energy. After the show, I'd sneak in her room and let her do the work until we both fell asleep.

I need to touch her.

"Yeah. I feel tired, but my mind is in overdrive. I won't be able to sleep for hours. Sensory overload or something," she says.

"Probably," I reply. That's exactly what happens to her. I know. I know that and everything else about her. She talks and talks and talks all night long. Her head is full of so many thoughts. I'm glad to hear that hasn't changed.

She bites her lip and stares at her knees. We sit in silence and it kills me. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to get to know her again when I already know her.

"So I'm guessing Rachel explained the whole me and Rosalie thing." It's dangerous territory, but it's the reason I'm here.

Bella nods, her big brown eyes glance my way but don't stay. "She said it was my brilliant plan."

"It was pretty brilliant ... for about a day."

She laughs and I want to touch her. I sit on my hands and remind myself the rules can't be broken.

"I bet Rose loved every second of it," Bella says, looking at me from under those long lashes.

I pretended to think it over for a second, narrowing my eyes and causing the space between my brows to crease. "I'm pretty sure she loved torturing me. Her favorite thing to do was call me names like Babycakes and Snuggle Puppy. It was disturbing … and vomit-inducing."

She laughs again and so do I. I want to fucking touch her. I look over at her and there are tears in her eyes.

_Fuck fuck fuck. _

Fuck the rules. I slide over and put one arm around her. She falls into my side and I wrap her up. I keep talking because I don't know what else to do.

"At our wedding, she told the minister to call me Teddy Eddie Bear. And the fucker actually did, too. He asked you, 'Do you take this man, Teddy Eddie, to be your lawfully wedded husband?'"

"He did not," she says, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand.

"He did! Of course, one look from me and he didn't even think it again. I got her back, though. I shook the bottle of champagne real good before opening it in her direction."

Bella laughs through her tears. I let my lips connect with the top of her head. I can't help it. She wipes her face and sniffs.

"Teddy Eddie," Bella muses. "That sounds like something Rose would come up with."

"I should have known she said something when she walked you down the aisle with a big ass grin on her face, but I was too focused on you to think about it." I swallow hard. She was so beautiful that night. She glowed like an angel sent from heaven. As cheesy as that sounds, it's true. She was otherworldly.

"Are there pictures?" she asks, her voice small but curious.

"A few. Jasper took some." We never got them developed, but I have them on my computer. I've looked at them every day since that day. That was the best day of my life, besides the day I met her that is. "I could show you sometime."

She nods and stays tucked into my side. I'm never going to be able to get off this couch. "I'd like that," she whispers.

I'm in the middle of this magical moment, something I've been praying for since she woke up, and I'm overcome. "I love you so much, baby. I just want to take care of you. I know your mom thinks she's better equipped to help you, but I can do this. I'd never hurt you. Your mom is trying to poison you against me and I just want a chance."

Bella tenses as I break every fucking rule. I can feel her pull away and I want to do that thing Superman does when he flies around the earth and spins it the other way so he can reverse time. I shouldn't have talked about Renee. I pressed my luck and lost.

She slips out of my hold and stands up. Her fingers comb through her wet tresses nervously. She grimaces and I can't tell if it's from the headache or my idiocy. I rise to my feet but keep my distance. All of the no touching rules will now be obeyed. I jam my hands in my front pockets, remorseful and afraid.

"My mom loves me. This has been hard on her. All of this has been very hard on her," Bella defends almost like a robot.

Bashing Renee will get me nowhere. I need to appear like the team player she isn't. "I know she loves you. And I'm sure this is hard. What I meant to say is she doesn't have to be the only one looking out for you. I love you, too. I've been trying to work with her not against. I swear."

"She thinks you're using me. She said you used me and Rose to further your career and the whole wedding was a publicity stunt and an attempt to get my money."

It's difficult not to roll my eyes. "I don't care about your money, Bella. If you want me to sign something that says I give up all rights to it, I will. This has never been about money to me. I lived in my car for a year. I'm very low maintenance."

"And the other stuff?"

"The publicity?" I ask and she nods. "If I was in it for the fame, why keep it a secret? Why pretend to date your sister? As for my career, no offense, but I was doing pretty well on my own. I don't think I need to attach myself to you to get noticed. I won a Grammy for God's sake."

"You did?" She doesn't remember. She probably doesn't even know she won one as well. "That's great."

"It was an amazing night made even better because we got to celebrate together."

She hugs herself and closes her eyes. I see her swallow hard. "Does it always feel like this? When we're in a room together? You're like a giant magnet, pulling me to you. It's like I have no control. Do you feel it, too?"

Yes, yes, yes. God, YES. I step forward, but she retreats. I stop and run a hand down my face. I used to think hiding was hard. It was _nothing_ compared to this.

"It's always been like this," I explain. "Since the moment we met. I'd like to say I romanced you, but our attraction has always had a mind of its own. Your mom has no idea what we had, Bella. We hid it from her. You didn't want her to know. You were afraid she would come between us. Like she is now."

Her teeth dig into her bottom lip and she squeezes herself tighter. "That's what Rachel said."

"Because it's the truth. Renee doesn't know the truth. She knows nothing about us. Please don't believe her theories. They aren't based in reality."

"Tell me something real," she says. She's all innocence and brown eyes that beg for answers to puzzles she can't solve.

"You love me even though I don't own either of your albums," I confess.

She stares without blinking before dissolving into a fit of giggles. She wipes tears from something other than her heartache. "So you aren't a fan?"

I shake my head. "Of your music? Not really. Of you? How could I not be? You're beautiful."

Her cheeks pink up. "Tell me something else."

We sit back down and I tell her everything I can think of. I tell her about myself. Things I'd told her before and things I hadn't. Things that are embarrassing, things that I would only tell my best friend. I tell her about the first guitar my dad bought me. I tell her about my fear of dogs. I tell her about the time Jasper parked the van in a no parking zone and we had to sneak into the impound and steal our gear, carry it across town, and play our gig so we could make enough money to get the van back.

She listens and asks questions. She tells me things I already know about her, but I pretend I'm hearing them for the first time. This Bella is same as the one I fell in love with. She's smart and funny. She's insecure but fearless underneath it all. I want to climb on top of her and make love to her all night long. I want her legs wrapped around my waist and her panting in my ear. I want her bare breast in my hand and her tongue in my mouth.

A knock interrupts us and my dirty mind. "The bus is ready, Bella. We should think about heading out." Jessica is good at her job, she keeps Bella on track, but she is ruining my night.

"Yeah, okay," Bella says. I can see the disappointment on her face. It makes having to say goodnight a bit easier, knowing she doesn't want to. "We'll be out in a couple minutes."

Jess nods and closes the door. I want to barricade us in, keep the rest of the world out forever. This was the night I was waiting for and I don't want it to end.

"Thanks for talking to me tonight. I enjoyed hanging out." I want to punch myself for sounding like a tool. I don't want this conversation to end with me being lame.

Bella smiles. "I had fun talking to you, listening to your stories. Maybe you aren't as scary as I thought you were."

"I don't ever want you to be scared of me."

She nods. There a pause and the silence hurts my ears. Bella stands up and moves in front of me. "I want to try something, but you have to stay still. You can't move."

I look up at her and I'm transported back in time, back when she loved me more than anything. I have to work hard at following my rules. "I won't move," I promise.

I watch her as she contemplates her next move. She glances at the door and then back at me. "Don't touch me, okay?"

My heart feels like it's in cardiac arrest and I'm not even sure what she's going to do yet. "Okay."

She takes a deep breath and straddles my legs, hovering over my lap. My hands instinctively want to go to her hips. My dick stirs in my pants with her this close, with her right … there. She puts her hands on my shoulders and I have to resist lifting my ass off the couch and dry humping her to death.

"Don't move." It's like she knows exactly what my body wants to do to hers. "I just need to try this." Her hands slide to my neck and up until her thumbs are gently sliding along my jaw. She bends her head and I can feel myself move towards her. "Don't," she demands. I stop. She's so close and her eyes are wide open until her lips touch mine. That's when she finally lets them shut and she gets lost in the feeling.

I could die from this feeling. Maybe I'm dead and this is heaven. Her lips part and pucker, part and pucker. They remember. They know me. They know how good we are together. I clench my hands into fists so I don't grab her and keep her here forever. I _want _to keep her here forever.

It's slow and delicious. Beautiful in its unhurried epicness. The only part of me that moves is my lips and she doesn't seem to mind. When it ends, I want to cry. I want to curl in a ball and sob like a baby.

Her eyes flutter open and she must see into my soul. "Was it always like that?"

"Always," I manage to get out in a shaky breath.

"I wish I remembered. I bet it was worth remembering."

_Oh baby, you have no idea. Just wait until I can touch you. _"We'll just have to keep doing it until you do," I say, desperate to love and have love returned.

"Always the romantic," she says with a smile. Just like my Bella. My Bella is in there and she is clawing her way to the surface, dying to come out.

"I'm a slave to these feelings, Bella. What can I say?" I give her my grin. The one that always earned me another kiss.

"Maybe I am, too." She looks at the door one more time like she's sure Jessica is going to come in any second and steal her away. She leans forward to plant one more soft kiss on my lips, reaffirming what I have always known.

I haven't lost her.

Not even close.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4 for her help and suggestions. Thanks to all the readers and reviewers. I appreciate all the support :)**


	8. Chapter 8

THEN

My hands shake and that feeling rolls through my stomach again. I'm not going to throw up. I've done that already. Just like I have every morning for over a week. The black and white marble floor feels so cool on the back of my thighs as I stretch my legs out in front of me. My back is against the door and it won't be long before Edward comes knocking. He knows something's wrong.

I spin the stick around and around, not looking at the little box where it changes color just yet. I'm late. I'm really late. I've been late before. The stress of touring always makes my periods irregular. I could have the flu. I've gotten sick on tour before. It happens.

This tour is different though, and that difference is still lying on my bed on the other side of this door. We've been careful. Most of the time. 99% of the time. It only takes one time.

_God, I'm going to be an afterschool special. _

Rosalie bought the test yesterday after she heard me throw up breakfast for the third day in a row. I didn't want to take it when Mom was around so it's been hiding in my luggage for a couple days. Luckily, Mom left New York for home and we jumped on our own plane to Nevada. Mom hates Vegas. She decided to skip the show and we decided to head there early since we had almost a week break. It meant days alone with Edward without having to look over our shoulders. There was no way I was passing this up.

But I wasn't planning on this. This was _not _part of the plan.

I flip the stick over and stare down at the two lines looking back at me. Rosalie knows me better than I know myself.

_He's going to leave me. _One hand drops to my stomach. To the nonexistent bump that will soon be all too real. _Us. He's going to leave us._

No. He's too good. He'll stand beside me. Probably will ask me to marry him. He'll feel like he has to. He'll be obligated.

I can't even begin to think about what this means. My mother is going to kill me. Or him. My PR people are going to earn their money soon. The record company will want to guarantees that it isn't going to interfere with the tour.

I wipe the tears falling down my face. It. The pregnancy. The baby. _ I'm having a baby. _

I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, resting my forehead on top. I have to tell him. I can't tell him. I will tell him. Just not yet. I know all about secrets. I am so good at keeping secrets. Too good.

I hide the evidence. I put the stick back in the box, I put the box back in the plastic bag and shove the bag back into my one of my bags. I turn on the faucet and wash my hands, splash some water on my face. I have to hide the tears. There can be no tears.

So many lies but one truth. I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have felt this way all along, way before any test tied him to me.

There's something I can't explain that happens to me whenever he's around. The way I feel about him isn't normal. It isn't love. It's bigger. It's more. Maybe he feels it too, but I'll never know if he knows about the baby first.

"What do you want from room service?" he asks from the bed as I make my way back into the bedroom. He's naked and lying on his stomach. The tattoo on his shoulder blade is the only one he has that lacks color. It's a black Chinese symbol for truth. He told me it was the first tattoo he got. He said he was so afraid the guy was going to get it wrong and he would be permanently tattooed with the symbol for chicken or something. He didn't, and I think truth is the perfect symbol for Edward. There is no one more true than him.

I know if I ask him anything, he will give me an honest answer. He lies because I ask him to. It bothers him because it's unnatural for him to not live his truth.

"I'm not hungry. Maybe just some ginger ale." I climb back on the bed and kiss the spot on his back that reminds me he won't be anything but honest.

He rolls over, taking a good look at me. "Are you all right? I'm worried about you." His hand cups my cheek and fingers push hair behind my ear.

"If I asked you to marry me, what would you say?"

Shock registers clearly on his face. "What are you talking about?"

"Just answer the question. What's the first thing that pops in your head when I say marry me?"

Edward doesn't hesitate. He bends down and kisses me good, the kind of good that makes me know I'm not crazy. What we have is a once in a lifetime kind of thing. "When, where, and how in the world did I get so lucky?" He kisses me again and again. His body is warm and he's hard muscle under soft skin.

I forget about everything but him. His hands on my body, his lips on my skin. I have no worries when we're like this even though there's an avalanche of trouble looming over our heads.

"Are you asking me?" He presses smaller, softer kisses under my ear.

"Am I asking you what?"

He laughs through his nose. "Are you asking me to marry you?" He pulls back to look at me. "Because I kind of pictured you on your knees when you ... oh wait, that was a different fantasy."

I push as he laughs harder and refuses to be moved. "You're a bastard."

"I'm a lucky bastard. And I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you. So I'm serious; if you want to get married, Bella, tell me when and where and I'll be there."

My fingers run across his cheekbone and down his jaw. His green eyes shine down on me, letting me bathe in their love and devotion. "We'd have to be crazy. It's too fast, too new between us. Maybe you're just caught up in the thrill of it."

Love turns to disbelief. "Are you kidding me? I've gotten caught up in things before. This ... this is not a passing fancy. Not for me it isn't."

I slide my hand behind his neck and keep him close. I don't want him to move away or off of me. I need him here. "It's not for me either. This is permanent. I can't explain it; I just know it."

I pull his mouth to mine and let myself get lost again. His tongue is warm and wicked. It slides and teases.

"Then let's do it. Marry me," he says sure and strong like everything else about him. "Marry me tonight. Tomorrow. Next Tuesday. I don't care. Just marry me."

"Weird. I kind of pictured you on your knees when you …"

He shuts me up with another kiss. I have to tell him the truth. He has to have a chance to change his mind. Before I can muster up the strength to push him away so I can tell him my news, he rolls off and gets on bended knee.

He tugs me to the edge of the bed and takes my hand. "Isabella Swan, I love you more than my guitar. Hell, I love you more than music, and I fucking love music."

I'm crying and laughing because I know exactly how he feels and he's proposing to me in his birthday suit.

"Marry me. Will you marry me?" he asks with eyes brimming with hope and a grin that always gets him another kiss. Always.

I take his face in my hands and give him that kiss. "I love you," I say, meaning it more than ever, "but I need to tell you something before I answer."

A nervous-for-the-wrong-reason hand runs through his hair. "That doesn't sound good."

I want this to be good. I hate thinking our baby could be anything but good. There's a piece of Edward growing inside me right this second. That can't possibly be bad.

"I'm pregnant."

The room goes uncomfortably silent. It starts to ring in my ears and makes it hard to breathe. Edward's eyes haven't left mine and as much as I want to look away, I can't. He lets go of my hand and stands up. He paces beside the bed, his hands in his hair. This isn't what he was expecting.

_He's going to leave us._

"Did you take a test or are you guessing?" he asks, side-eyeing me as he pulls his jeans on.

"I took a test. Just now. I know this isn't what you-"

"That's why you've been sick," he says more to himself than me. Everything clicks into place.

I nod even though he's not looking at me, he's looking for his shirt. Pulling it over his head, he says, "I can't believe this."

I sit in nothing but a tank top and underwear, my feet hanging off the side of the bed. It's an enormous monstrosity and my feet barely touch the ground. It only serves to make me feel smaller than I already do. He's leaving. I lost him before I got a chance to tell everyone he was mine.

The tears begin to fall and I just want him to leave so I can curl up in a ball and sob myself into next week. I need Rosalie to come here and lie with me until I can at least breathe again.

"Baby, why are you crying?" Edward stands in front of me, but I can't look up. I stare at his bare feet, unable to bear seeing the disappointment in his eyes.

I hold a trembling hand under my nose. I don't want him to see me a snotty mess, but I'm ready to fall apart at the seams. "Just go. I get it. I know this isn't what you wanted."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Edward drops to his knees and forces me to see him. "Bella, we're having a baby." The corners of his mouth tug up and I think I must be hallucinating. "Jesus, stand up here. Up," he says, grabbing my hips and making me stand up on the bed so I tower over his tall, lanky frame.

He lifts my tank top and peppers my stomach with kisses. His hands hold me still and his thumbs gently stroke my stomach. "That's my baby in there." He looks up at me with that smile and nothing but love in his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere except to get a marriage license so I can make an honest woman out of this little one's mama."

I'm a snot-sobbing mess and I don't even care. "You're not mad?"

"Mad? Why in the world would I be mad? I just told you I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you and make ... a hundred babies with you."

I laugh as I cry and shake my head. "I'm not having a hundred babies."

"Fine." His smirk is as deadly as the twinkle in his eyes. "Just enough so we can have our own band. Point is, this might not be when we expected this to happen, but you, me, a family? That's all I want. That's all I'll ever want, Bella."

I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. Our lips find one another and I kiss him until everything inside me finds its peace. "Then my answer is yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

I love that you can practically feel the beat of the city's heart when you walk the streets of Las Vegas. Everything is alive with color and sound all day and all night. I can hide all day in a private suite and slink out at night to the private VIP rooms at any nightclub I choose. I can be as anonymous or as pampered as I choose.

Today, I'm waiting patiently for things to be ready for me, so I can walk down the aisle at the Graceland Wedding Chapel. My future husband loves Elvis, something I just learned today. _My future husband__. _

"Any chance I'll be broken up with Teddy Eddie by the show in Cincinnati?" Rose is on her phone. Probably texting that football player she met at the Playboy Mansion. She tells me everyday it's love. I'd tell her she's crazy if she thinks she can fall in love with someone after knowing them for a few hours and making out with them one time. But I know how very possible it is. I think I fell in love with Edward on Day One.

"I don't know. I need to find the right time to tell Mom. I figure dropping all the bombs at once is the best way to go. She'll be so overwhelmed, she won't know what to be mad about. The secret dating, the baby, the marriage. There's just so much, she'll have to simultaneously react to all of it and maybe it won't be as bad as telling her them one at a time."

"Cincinnati is in like a month. You could be showing by then. You'll need to tell her before you start popping out, Sis." She pretends to circle a gigantic pregnant belly with her arms and puffs out her cheeks.

I smack her arm with the back of my hand. My sister can't wait for me to be fat. She loves the idea. "I don't even know how far along I am. I'm pretty sure I won't be showing in a month."

"Emmett wants to come see me in Cincinnati. Please, Bella. I need to break up with your husband by Cincinnati." She sticks out her pouty bottom lip and tugs on my arm like a troublesome two-year old.

I sigh. _My husband. _ "Fine. I'll tell Mom by Cincinnati. That will be my deadline. I promise."

"Excellent. By this time next year, you'll be helping me plan _my_ wedding," Rose says dreamily.

"I'll be a mother this time next year." I still can't believe this. My life has changed so much in such a short time. I started this tour a completely different person.

"Try to lose the baby weight before my wedding. I can't have my matron of honor looking frumpy in my wedding pictures. I'd have to demote you." She says it so seriously anyone but me would think she was serious.

"I will kill anyone who tries to take that job from me. Even if I have to crush them with my post-pregnancy fat ass. You know this, right?" I grab her arm and hook mine with hers.

Rose smiles. "Oh, all right. Who am I kidding? You're irreplaceable, B. It's always going to be you and me. We came into this world together and we'll probably go out together, too. I love you."

She pulls me in for a hug. I can't believe we're here. "Thank you for not thinking I'm crazy. Thank you for walking me down the aisle. Thank you for being my best friend. I love you, too."

We might be two very different people, but Rose is my other half. She's the rum in my punch. She makes things interesting and lightens me up. Without her, things wouldn't be right. She drives me insane some days. She can be completely narcissistic and vain, but my sister is part of me. A part I can't do without.

There's music and the little lady with gray hair and the thick-rimmed glasses tells us it's time. I press my hands to my cheeks, suddenly feeling my nerves.

"Do I look okay?" We bought a simple 1920's style white silk dress at some boutique at the Bellagio. Rosalie put my hair up and we bought some flowers here at the chapel. It's not how I imagined getting married, but for some reason it feel perfect for me and Edward.

Rose smooths out my right eyebrow with her fingertip and gives me one more lookover. "You look amazing. Teddy Eddie Bear isn't going to know what hit him."

"You better stop calling him that. He hates it."

"I know." She smirks. "Just wait."

She's up to something and I'm sure I don't want to know.

The doors open and all I see is Edward with Jasper at his side. He had to tell someone and Jasper was the only one we could agree on. I think he may have spent the day trying to talk Edward out of this insanity, but my future husband is pretty set on becoming my husband. I don't think anyone could change his mind.

Edward's smile lights up his face as we start our approach. He's dressed to kill in a black suit and white tie, also purchased this morning. His hands are in his pockets so he doesn't mess up his hair. His eyes stay on me the whole way down the aisle like I matter enough that he never wants to lose sight of me. All of my doubts vanish under his gaze. He will love me forever. I know it.

Elvis stands behind the guys, his guitar at the ready. I was not going to be married by Elvis, but he was invited as the Master of Ceremony of sorts. Rosalie passes me off to Edward, who is smiling with watery eyes.

The minister greets us and begins with the vows. "Do you, Isabella Swan, take this man, Teddy Eddie, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Rosalie snickers behind me as Edward shoots the minister a look that could kill. Of course, it's my sister who should fear for her life. Edward won't let this one go.

Our vows are said. Our rings are exchanged. Pronouncements are made. I become Isabella Marie Cullen. And my life takes a turn for the absolute better. When I get to Cincinnati, the world will know it, too.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4 who only got to beta half of this so all mistakes are mine. Thanks to all of you for reading and loving. I am a total fail at review replies but I love every single one. You guys have no idea how much you cheered me up last week when I did not make it into the finals for the Harlequin contest. Your lovely reviews took the sting out. Good news is Harlequin still wants to work with me ... so you never know. Trouble may have her publishing day yet!**

**Going to BD2 tonight with a lovely bunch of Pennyladies. I am absolutely beyond thrilled. I cannot wait. Happy BD2 day! xoxo, TF **


	9. Chapter 9

**NOW**

"Can we please get something other than burgers and fries for dinner tonight?" Leah's sprawled out on one of Jasper's hotel beds next to Brady. We're hanging out in his room until it's time to head over to the venue.

Jasper leans back in the faux leather office chair that he's wheeled out from behind the desk. "We can go wherever you want, Lee. God knows we want to keep you happy."

Leah sits up, ready to fight. "Don't act like you aren't in the mood for something else."

"I eat anything. I am go with the flow. I never complain."

Brady's already laughing. "Jasper _never_ complains," he says, shaking his head.

"Is that sarcasm?" Jasper tosses a hotel pen at Brady's head. "I don't complain." Leah and Brady laugh louder. "Edward, would you please tell them?"

They all look over at me on the other bed. I adjust the pillow behind me and lean back against the headboard. "Jas doesn't complain." Jasper smiles triumphantly until I add, "He bitches like a chick. Get it right, you two."

Brady cackles like a hyena while Jasper and Leah both flick me off. My phone buzzes in my pocket with a text.

**Where are you? Can I see you?**

I'm off the bed and almost out the door when Jasper calls after me. "Where are you going?"

I smile like I did _before_. "Bella." It's all I have to say. I text her back asking when and where. She texted me good night last night after we both settled on our separate busses and my lips still burn from kissing her. I'd do anything to do that again.

**723. Now?** she texts back. I'm up the stairs and knocking on the door before she gets my text saying ok.

"Hi," she says shyly, opening the door wider so I can come inside. Memories flood me with feelings I can barely control. All the times she greeted me and welcomed me inside her room, inside her bed, inside of her. I have to fight to maintain control, to remember my rules. I cannot screw this up.

"Hi."

"I called your room, but you weren't there." She closes her eyes and shakes her head a little like she's chastising herself. "Obviously."

She's adorable, and I want to carry her back to the bedroom and rock her fucking world. "We were all hanging out in Jasper's room, killing time together."

"Oh, I didn't mean to take you from your friends-"

"No! God, no. It's fine. I'm glad you texted me. I would have been really mad if I missed the chance to hang out again."

"Yeah?" Her uncertainty astounds me. Does she really not know I would die for her? That there's no one in the entire world I want to be with other than her?

I break my first rule and brush the back of my fingers against her cheek. "This is where I want to be. The only place I want to be." Her cheeks are red when I pull my hand away.

Her smile makes the butterflies in my stomach go wild. "Come, sit down." The sleeves of her shirt are too long and cover her hands, exposing only the tips of her fingers. She folds her arms in front of her and bites her thumbnail.

She offers me something to drink and flutters around the suite, trying to be a good hostess. "Bella," I say as she flips through the room service menu. "I'm good. You're all I need."

Nervous laughter bubbles out of her and me. We were never this awkward. It's strange to start over in such a different way. She moves in my direction, eyes locked and now serious. I'm frozen in my seat as she straddles me on the couch. "Touch me this time," she says in a breath before kissing me dizzy.

My hands shake from the thrill of being given permission to return home. They start by holding her face so I can deepen the kiss and make her mine once again. The sounds she make tell me I'm doing a good job. Her fingers dig into my hair and I let my hands wander, down her sides, under her shirt, up her back. She feels the same - soft and smooth, warm and delicate. And she's not wearing a bra. I almost can't handle it. Her mouth is already doing a fine job of killing me. She's not as hesitant as she was last night. She's eager and needy, and I'm about to rip her clothes off.

This is familiar. This is how we've always been. Want, want, want. I've never wanted something so much.

My hands glide around her rib cage until they are filled with her breasts. Full and firm, they fit perfectly. She gasps and pulls her mouth from mine when I roll my fingers over her tight, taut nipples. Without thinking, I lift her shirt and suck on one of those sensitive nubs, I run my tongue over it and taste her. God, she tastes so fucking good.

"Stop," she begs, her voice laced with a fear that stops my rapidly beating heart. I let her go and she's almost across the room before I take a breath.

"I'm sorry," I utter in a rush.

She shakes her head and tugs her shirt down, her cheeks flushed from embarrassment mixed with whatever she felt when we were kissing. Hopefully it was the same thing I was feeling. "I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I'm doing." She covers her face with her hands.

"You're confused. I get it. The feelings we have are strong and still confuse me. I can only imagine what it's like for you."

"I signed divorce papers. I've been asking you to sign them for months." She drops her hands. "Now I'm throwing myself at you. It's wrong."

I'm up and moving. There's one thing I am very clear about. "We're never getting divorced, Bella. I won't sign any papers that separate you from me. You might as well shred whatever you've got."

"Did you marry me because of the baby?"

My chest constricts and I stop my advance on her. We haven't spoken about the baby since before the accident. I wanted to tell her about it when she was in the hospital but Renee said no. Too much trauma. Why upset her over something she's not aware ever existed? Had I been more with it back then, I would have told Renee to fuck off. Bella wasn't the only person I lost that day. We deserved to mourn the loss of our child together. I've been denying myself a moment to grieve because I didn't want to do it alone.

"I married you because I love you more than life itself. I married you because you asked me to marry you. Our baby was the icing on the cake."

Her eyebrows pinch together. "You weren't mad when you found out?"

I can't help but laugh. She's still the same. "You thought I was going to be mad. You were afraid to tell me." Suddenly another emotion hits me. One that ends the laughter. "I wasn't planning on a baby. Didn't know I wanted to be a father. But once I found out we were expecting and you became my wife … there wasn't anything else I wanted."

Bella bites the inside of her cheek as her eyes well with tears. I watch her take a couple of deep breaths. "I don't remember being pregnant. But there's a part of me that thinks I wanted that baby, too."

"You did." I can feel myself coming apart at the seams. I hadn't let this hurt in because there was already too much pain to deal with. I needed Bella. I needed to have this moment with her.

She wraps her arms around me, comforting me like I need her to. She lets me cry and helps me say goodbye to our child.

"We would have made a cute baby," she says against my chest.

I sniff and let out a laugh. "Yeah, we would've." _ We will._

"I'm sorry." She holds me tighter. This time it's going to be impossible to let her go. I've been locked out of heaven for too long. I won't be denied anymore.

"It wasn't your fault, baby. You're lucky to be alive. I'm lucky you're alive. I wouldn't have survived if I lost you both."

"I didn't understand why you were so mad in Cincinnati. I thought you were a crazy person."

_Fucking Cincinnati._ "I'm sorry that was the way you had to find out about the baby. I don't know how that pap knew, but for him to throw that in your face. To shout that shit at you ..." The memory of it makes my blood boil. It's a wonder I didn't kill that guy. I came close. If it hadn't been for Jasper, I'd probably be rotting in an Ohio jail right now.

Bella stills in my arms. "I wish my mom had told me. I wasn't ready for that."

I kiss the top of her head. That had to be the worst possible way for her to find out. "I wish your mom would have done a lot of things differently. She's been making some bad decisions."

Bella sighs. "I'm starting to think you're right."

The knock on the door startles us both. We reluctantly let go of one another and wipe our wet faces.

Speak of the devil. Renee stands on the other side of the door when Bella opens it. "That is the last time I am flying American. Every time I fly that damn airline, they screw something up and I'm delayed at least a half hour or more. And remind me to talk to - what is he doing here?" Renee flies past Bella and stands in between us like she can ever keep Bella from me again. "Where the hell is your security?"

"I invited him, Mother." Bella tugs on her arm and pulls her back.

Renee looks at Bella but turns her wrath on me. "This is what happens when I leave for a couple of days to handle other business? You swoop in and try to mess with her head? Get out of here before I have someone throw you out." Her phone is out and she begins to type furiously. "Jessica will be lucky if I let her keep her job."

"Mom, stop. This isn't Jessica's business. I asked Edward to talk. I have a right to talk to anyone I want."

"He's a deviant, Isabella! He manipulated you and your sister before the accident. He had you both believing he was some sort of romantic hero. He's a loser, a user, a cheater. He married you and still ran around with your sister. This is over. This ends now." She holds the phone to her ear. "Where the hell are you? Isabella has been left unguarded and now this miscreant is in her room. I want someone here in thirty seconds or everyone is fired!"

"Mom! No one is getting fired! Stop it, he'll leave, okay? Stop." Bella does what she does best. She tries to keep the peace. She tries to appease Renee so she'll leave everyone alone. We were so close. So close to being rid of her when that fucking bus was hit and Bella forgot what she was fighting for.

"This is what she does, Bella!" I'm beyond pissed. I have allowed Renee to win battle after battle because I didn't want to fight her in front of Bella. But I'm so done. "This is how she controls you. She doesn't listen to you. She doesn't let you make your own decisions. She threatens others to keep you under her thumb. You don't have to do what she says. No one does! All of these people work for _you_. Not her. Hell, _she _works for you!"

"Oh you think you're so smart, don't you? Well, I'm on to you, Mr. Cullen! I know you were poisoning her head! You tried to tear apart our whole family. First by driving a wedge between sisters and now between a mother and daughter. You are sick, and as long as I live and breathe, I will not have you anywhere near Isabella!"

I step toward her and lean my face close to hers. "Try it, you fucking bitch."

Bella gasps and I know I've crossed a line. She's staring at me like she did the night I almost killed that paparazzi who asked her about our baby. She's afraid of me and that's the last thing I want.

Renee plays victim better than anyone. She cowers behind Bella like I've attempted to do her harm. "Do you see, Isabella? He would kill me. He's a monster!"

The bodyguards are at the door with Jessica hot on their heels. There's a flurry of activity that ends with me in an elevator with Bodyguard #2. He pushes me out when we reach my floor. Jasper is already in the hallway waiting and on the phone.

"She texted him, Jess. This wasn't some big mastermind plan. He was chilling with me until Bella contacted him. Maybe you should talk to her because let's be real, Renee is nothing but a bully without a clue."

Even though he's defending me, he gives me a look like I'm in trouble. He nods in the direction of his room where Leah is standing in the open doorway.

"What did you do now, Casanova?"

"I didn't do anything. The monster-in-law showed up and ruined everything once again." I push past her and into the room. Brady eyes me cautiously as I grab a bottle of beer from the minibar. I'm sure it will be the best $15 bottle of Bud Light I have ever tasted.

Jasper follows me in, still on the phone. "Well, I think she better think about what the press is going to do with that. I thought she wanted to keep Bella out of the gossip mags. Doing something like that is only asking for a shitload of trouble."

Renee is ready to toss me from this tour, I'm sure of it. She thinks that's all it'll take to stop me from getting Bella back. But she's wrong. I'm winning.

"This is ridiculous, and you know it. She texted him. She's seeking him out on her own. I know you weren't here before, but I was. Those two weren't messing around. They didn't get married as a joke. Bella was most definitely in love with him. Her head doesn't remember, but there is a part of her that does. That's why she's trying to connect with him. Renee is fighting a losing battle if she thinks she can keep them apart."

I think I want to hug my best friend.

"Well, maybe you should start listening to Bella. Maybe you should remind Bella that everyone should be listening to her. There's managing and there's controlling. Renee has never been good at managing." He looks at me and smiles. "All right, later." Jasper hangs up and rubs his forehead with one hand.

"Thanks," I say, meaning it wholeheartedly. "That's the first time I've heard you really stand up for me."

Jasper looks tired. "I underestimated what you two had because, honestly, I didn't think she loved you as much as you loved her." I never knew he felt that way. Bella's love was never a mystery to me, I assumed everyone else could see how transparent we both were. "If Renee wants to talk about manipulation, let's look back at what went on before the accident."

"She wasn't-"

"No, I know. I know I only saw what we were allowed to see. I know that you wouldn't be so wrapped up in this if she wasn't giving it back. I also see that she doesn't know you, but she wants to." He puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. "So, fuck that witch. We're not going anywhere."

I smirk and give him that hug.

"Should we give you two Sallys a moment?" Leah asks.

"Oh Lee, are you jealous? Do you need a hug?" Jasper asks as we break apart. We both move to surround her.

"Don't touch me," she warns.

"You love us, don't lie." I have the door blocked so she can't get away.

"I'm serious."

"Three," Jasper begins the countdown. "Two …"

"I swear to God I will punch you both in the dick so hard."

"One!"

We both pounce on her and land on the bed. Jasper pins her legs and I hold her arms so he can tickle the shit out of her. She might call us fuckers the whole time, but I know she loves it. She loves us. I love everyone right now.

Except for Renee.

After soundcheck, I wait in my dressing room. Impatient. Anxious. Annoyed. Unsure how to finish this war without making Bella a casualty. My phone beeps.

**Come to my room after midnight. Tell no one.**

I don't know why, but I almost type no. This feels like a giant step backwards. I won't go back to the way it was. I won't be a secret to keep Renee quiet. I stare at the words for longer than I should, afraid to write what I feel without sacrificing all the progress we've made.

**I played this game before and lost. I won't be a secret this time.**

I wait for her reply.

And wait.

And wait.

"Time to play," Leah says, breaking me from the staring contest I'm having with my phone.

I let the music distract me. I watch Bella's show. No one would ever know we were in the middle of this clusterfuck. The crowd has no idea what kind of bullshit goes on behind the scenes. We have another show here tomorrow night, so we head back to the hotel. People want to go out, I choose to stay in. My phone stays silent.

At midnight, I contemplate going to her. She didn't revoke the invitation. _But hiding isn't the answer. _

Maybe she didn't understand what I was saying. _She understood; she's just stubborn. _

Maybe she's still expecting me to show up. _ I need to put my foot down about this or it could all go to hell again_.

She's too fragile to push too hard. _She needs to be pushed. _

Who cares if we have to build our relationship back up in private? _Me. I care. I hate living a lie._

Renee's interference does make everything harder. I completely understand why my Bella was so adamant about protecting what we had. This Bella is probably doing the same thing. I can build her up. I can teach her to be strong again. When she's ready to fight Renee, I'll stand beside her.

It doesn't help that my entire body is humming. She's just a few floors away and it knows it can have her if I just go. I can touch her. I can kiss her and hold her. I can't even believe I even considered denying myself any chance to do that. I throw open the door only to find her on the other side.

"Bella?"

"Were you leaving? I should have told you I was coming." She bites her lip and looks back down the hall towards the elevators like she's ready to bolt. "I should-"

"I was coming to you," I blurt and pull her inside my room, closing the door so she can't run. "I shouldn't be demanding things from you yet. I'm sorry."

"No," she says, shaking her head, "You were right. I was wrong. Sneaking around was obviously a bad idea the first time. No reason to repeat past mistakes. I want to know you and that's what I told my mom."

My knees almost buckle. It's more than I could have asked for. "You told her that?" Bella nods. "That's all I want, too."

"She didn't take it well. I'm kind of on the run. She's going to come looking for me."

Smiles break across both our faces. "You're on the run, huh?"

Her laugh is the sweetest sound in the entire world. "You sure you can handle the new me? All reckless and full of rebellion?"

_Fuck yes. _ "I can handle anyone you want to be."

New rules:

#1 Always be touching

I sweep her up in my arms and kiss her like I used to. She doesn't resist but rather completely submits. This feeling will not be denied. I have to be careful because she is breakable, and I know this all too well. I lie her down gently on the bed and am sure not to put too much of my weight on her. I focus only on the spots I know will make her feel good.

This Bella wants to be free and not just behind closed doors. She's willing to take the risk and learn from mistakes she made in another life. Maybe that's what's causing this feeling inside my chest. This Bella could be exactly what I need.

My senses are assaulted by the new and the old. She smells like soap and her fancy shampoo. It's just like it used to be when we were secrets and lies. It feels so familiar it makes me want to cry. I love her so much it hurts. I kiss her mouth and down her chin. I take in the sweet smell of her neck. I kiss and nip. She used to love that and by the way she squirms under me, I know she still does.

Bella pulls at my shirt until I lift up and let her take it off me. Her hands roam my chest. "So beautiful," she whispers. She still has a thing for the tattoos. Her fingers stop over the newest addition. "Is that?"

I look down at the numbers over my heart. "The date of the accident."

"For the baby?"

"For the baby, for you, for everyone we lost that day."

She lifts up and places a kiss over it. She looks up at me with those eyes I could get lost in every day of forever. "You didn't lose me."

Our mouths connect and my hand wraps around the back of her neck. I can't contain the emotions that threaten to drown me. It's a crazy mixture of the ultimate happiness and a painful sadness. I still have a chance, but we lost so much. We aren't the same people who started on this journey. I may remember everything, but I am not the same man I was.

We remove her clothes and I inspect every inch of her. I kiss her shoulder, down to the spot inside her elbow where the bone jutted out of her flesh. There's still an ugly scar. Bella wears the accident all over her war-torn body. I kiss her now healed ribs and her chest where they placed the paddles to shock her back to life when her heart gave out during surgery. I kiss the scars on her legs and on her stomach. I kiss over the spot that used to be home to our baby.

My throat is too tight to express my love in words. If I could, I would take all the pain she endured. The helplessness I felt that night and all the days after has been unbearable. But I can give pleasure where there was pain. I can make her feel good and forget her worries for a few minutes.

My hand slides up her chest and back down in between her legs. She reflexively moves her hips off the bed. My Bella knows what she wants.

"Please," she pleads as she fists the sheets.

My mouth comes down on her breast. I suck and tickle the pretty pink nipple with my tongue as I sink one finger inside her. She's wet and warm. So tight, just like I remember. My middle finger feels like it's in a vice as I pump it slowly in and out. Bella arches her back, tilting her head back, exposing her neck. I release her nipple and run my tongue up her throat.

"Make love to me," she says, her breaths coming too fast.

"I don't have any protection. I'll take care of you, I promise." I curl the finger inside her so I get that spot, the one that makes her cry out in ecstasy.

"Oh God!" she shouts out. She squeezes her eyes and her legs shut, the latter trapping my hand so I can't move it. "I want you. I want all of you. I'm on birth control. I swear."

I almost laugh. Of course she is. Renee probably had them putting it in intravenously as soon as she heard what we had done.

"I don't want to hurt you and I'm not sure I'll be able to control myself if we go further than this." I'm wary. When I'm wound this tight, I tend to fuck her instead of making love.

"You won't hurt me." Bella holds my face in her hands. "You'd never hurt me. Please, make me remember who I am."

A shiver runs down my spine. She has no fucking idea how badly I want to do just that. I push up to my knees. I'm breathing like I just sprinted a mile and shaking like a leaf. "You have to be on top then."

"No!" She sits up on her elbows. "I need you on top of me. I want to look up at you. I need to see your face. Please. Please, Edward."

Jesus, if she says please one more time, I'm going to lose it. My need for her is overpowering every other rational thought I can muster up. I kiss her and push her back, then sit up and take off my jeans. I can't believe we're really going to do this. It feels like I'm in a dream, the best dream of my entire life. I position myself between her legs.

"You have to tell me if anything hurts so I can stop. I can't bear to hurt you, do you understand?" She can't let me fall over the edge.

Bella looks up at me with complete trust. Something that hasn't been there in her eyes since the accident. "I understand."

I remind myself to be gentle. To take it slow. My body vibrates with desire to have her, to take her. It requires all my self-control not to dive in, to take too much. But Bella isn't helping. Her hands move and pull me closer. Her legs wrap around me and her heels press down into the small of my back. She's so open and I'm afraid. Afraid of messing this up. Afraid of wanting her too much before she's sure about what she's doing. At the same time, I'm afraid if I don't do this, I'll never get the chance again.

"Stop worrying," Bella whispers. "Just try." Her hand wraps around my cock and positions it at the gates of heaven. All I have to do is move and I'll be where I belong. We've only had sex once without a condom. One time and we created a life. I'm not sure I can do this.

I look down at her beautiful face. My Bella is there, somewhere in there. I want her to come all the way out and be the one who makes love to me. I can almost convince myself that she is.

"I love you so much," I confess.

She gives me a small smile but doesn't return the sentiment. I watch as the guilt washes over her. She knows what this means to me. And as much as it pains me to admit, it's just an experiment to her. She has feelings she doesn't understand. She has needs that need to be met. The emotion tied to them are not the same as mine because she doesn't know that's why they exist. She's beginning to understand, but it's like looking through foggy glass.

She loves me, she just doesn't know it.

I push forward, barely letting myself go halfway in. Her body tenses, increasing its grip on me.

"Oh my god!" Bella's eyes are clenched tight. It feels good, too good. Her body writhes under me, not knowing what it's asking for. I'm not sure I can move. She's so warm, and I want more, too. So much more.

"You have to relax so you can take me all in, baby." I kiss her gaping mouth and hold her hips down. I pray she doesn't say please again.

She kisses me back feverishly. Her fingers claw at my neck and back. I push in slow, waiting for her body to adjust to mine.

"So good," she says breathlessly. "More. More, more, more."

I cover her mouth with mine before she can say please. The woman is going to kill me. I pull out a little and push in further. I keep doing that until I'm all the way in. It's been so long since we've been connected like this. Too long. I'll never survive without it again.

Bella's moaning doesn't let up as I find a steady rhythm. I try to control my pace, to keep my thrusts from getting too rough. Bella doesn't care about being gentle with me, though. She scratches my skin and pulls my hair. Her teeth scrape along my skin. She's a caged animal that's been released into the wild - tentative at first until her instincts take over.

"Don't ever, ever stop," she says before her orgasm makes it impossible for her to speak coherently. I watch in wonder. She flushes the most perfect shade of pink, her eyes roll back, and her mouth drops open.

I can't handle it. I pump faster; I stop breathing. The only feeling that registers is the love I have for her. I will love her until the day I die. She'd love me too if she'd only remember.

I let go. I get lost in her. I spill deep inside. My eyes close, but all I see is a bright, white light. She is my heaven. She always will be.

Bella holds my face in her hands, and when I finally open my eyes, she's looking up at me with her own look of wonder. Her eyes dance and her smile almost taunts. I want to know what she's thinking. Her thumb brushes over my lips as a tear slips from the corner of her eye. "That face. I'll never forget that face."

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight**

**This is unbeta'd because it's Thanksgiving and I am not going to force momof4 away from her family but want to get this out at the same time. So all the mistakes are absolutely mine. **

**Thanks to all of you who read this. I love you all. Lots of questions about what happened in the last chapter. Many of you are picking up on what's going on. Some haven't figured it out yet. It's all good. All will be revealed soon enough. **

**Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrated. This is something for all those Black Fridays shoppers to read while they wait in line for their $55 TV. Have fun!**

**xoxo, TF**


	10. Chapter 10

**THEN**

There are days I feel like I'm in slow motion and days I feel like time slips by without notice. I've been a married woman for three weeks, two days, and a handful of hours. It's crazy. I still can't believe we haven't been outed by the media. Lucky us, I guess. Edward has been quiet about coming out since I made the promise to talk to my mom on the way to Ohio.

We have a show in Detroit before we head down to Cincinnati. I have one day and a handful of hours to get my shit together. One day to figure out how to tell my mom that I don't want her to work for me anymore. One day to come up with a good way to tell her I'm in love with Edward and he and Rose really haven't been dating. Oh yeah, and we're married and expecting a baby.

_I'm pregnant._

I don't think that's sunk in yet. Edward, on the other hand, has fully embraced the idea. He kisses my belly goodnight and talks to it like it can hear him. He's pretty much the sweetest man in the entire world. This baby is going to have him wrapped around his or her little finger.

There is only one baby in there. Rosalie scared me into thinking I was having twins. Something about identical twins being a freak of nature but fraternal twins being hereditary. It's the mother's predisposition to release more than one egg or something like that. Why my sister knows this stuff and I don't is a mystery. She was sure I was beginning to show, which had to mean twins.

One trip to a doctor in Las Vegas and one ultrasound later, I was confirmed with child. _Not _children. And I was still a perfectly acceptable 110 pounds. My sister could shove it. There's definitely one tiny, little nugget in there with a fluttery little heartbeat that we could actually see. I cried and blamed it on pregnancy hormones even though it probably wasn't. Being a mom isn't something I thought about until it happened. Now I'm excited. Scared out of my mind but genuinely excited to do this with Edward.

My adorable husband wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl because he's sure it's a girl. But the baby is too small to tell. We have to wait until I'm twenty weeks and I'm currently only eleven. Almost one trimester down. The morning sickness should be gone soon, or so I'm told. Like I said, some things go fast, others so damn slow. I'll be happy when I'm not best friends with my hotel toilet.

"Isabella! We need to go over a few things before we head over to the radio station." My mom has been watching me like a hawk ever since she rejoined the tour. I almost wonder if she can tell something's different.

"One minute!" I call from the bathroom. I kiss the wedding band that hangs from a chain around my neck and slip it inside my shirt. I wear it, just not on my finger. I check my hair and re-apply some lip gloss. I know I look the same, but I will never be the girl I was. I am Bella Cullen mind, body, and soul.

Rosalie is lounging on the couch in the suite while Mom paces around with her phone out. "I think I have good news," Mom says, pushing Rose's feet off the couch so she can sit down. "I think I have RCA convinced to sign Rosalie."

I love my sister. I do. I swear. But she cannot sing like she thinks she can. Something tells me I am tied to this deal somehow.

Rosalie almost tackle-hugs mom off the couch. "Oh my god! Are you serious?"

Mom laughs and suddenly I don't care what I have to do to get Rose this deal. My mom so rarely even smiles anymore, it's nice to hear her laughter. "I'm pretty serious. Of course, your sister is going to have to play nice."

Rosalie leaps off the couch to grab me. "Whatever they want you to do, Little Mama. You are doing." She squeezes my arms almost too tightly. "I have done _everything_ you have asked me to do. You owe me."

"You know I'll do anything for you. Within reason …" I add the last part because she can't forget I'm a pregnant married woman. There are some things I _cannot_ do.

"Well, first you need to agree to sign with them for two more albums and promote them over the next four years," Mom chimes in. "It also wouldn't hurt if you helped butter up Alec a little bit."

I swear I can almost feel the baby inside me protest on behalf of his or her father. Buttering up Alec is definitely on the can_not_ list.

"She'll do it," Rose spins away from me and back to Mom. She hugs her. "Thank you for this. Thank you for believing in me."

"You're drop dead gorgeous, sweetheart. A little auto-tune and you'll be platinum."

_A little? _ That's being awfully generous. "As long as the deal looks good, I don't see why I wouldn't sign," I say, offering to do that much to make my sister's dreams come true.

"I can't believe this," Rose says, glowing. "I need to call E. You guys go to the radio station without me. I'll just hang here." She dashes off to the bedroom to call Emmett. The nickname E helps so neither one of us slip up until everything is out in the open. One day. One day and Mom can be Rosalie's manager instead of mine. This is all working out perfectly.

"You're never going to believe this, baby!" I hear her say as she shuts the door behind her.

"She's so happy," I say, shaking my head.

"You have no idea the amount of work I've had to do to get this deal. You need to come through on your end. I'm serious about you using some female power of persuasion to get Alec on board." Before I can object, she grabs my hands. "What bra are you wearing? Your boobs look huge all of the sudden."

Side effect of being pregnant - giant boobs.

I pull out of her grasp and cover myself with my arms. "They are not huge. Oh my god, Mom," I say in a huff.

"No, it's perfect. Like I said, play nice. Men lose their minds when there are breasts in the general vicinity."

I'm disgusted and so finished with this conversation. "That is so ... no. Let's go to the radio station and get this interview over with."

I head for the door, unwilling to let her examine any more of my physical changes or discuss me using my boobs to convince Alec to let my sister have a record contract. I want to shout that I'm a married woman for God's sake. But I am not ready to have that conversation yet. I need to do it when I have her undivided attention. And when Rose is standing next to me, holding my hand and ready to jump in between us if Mom tries to kill me.

My husband is in the hallway when I open the door.

"Hi." He smiles that smile, and I'm going to kill him for making me want to kiss him when I can't.

"Hi," I say back. He's checking up on me. I didn't give him my itinerary for the day.

"Where's the fire?" He shoves his hands in his pockets and I know he wants to touch me. He wants to put his hand on my stomach and say hello to his baby. He wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him.

"No fire." I make my way towards the elevators and he follows. He would follow me anywhere I want him to. "Interview to get to."

"Ah," he says, his eyebrows rise. He's disappointed. "Interviews. Awesome."

"Yeah, well ... you know how it is. I live the wild and crazy life of a popstar." I wish I could touch his hair or slide my hand into his back pocket, but I slide both of my hands in my own back pockets so I don't get all crazy.

He left my bed this morning while I was still fast asleep. All he left me was a note that said, _How is it that you're an angel when you sleep but a devil between the sheets when you're awake_? _Looking forward to lifetime of waking up with you in my arms. _

I want to be in his arms day _and _night.

"I heard you can get pretty wild and crazy," he teases. His hand comes out of his pocket and I know he wants to cup my cheek, press me up against the wall, and kiss me until we've both had enough. Not that there will ever be enough. He pushes the down button on the wall instead.

"Have you?" I challenge with the quirk of a brow.

He leans close, so close I can smell the soap on his skin. I can practically taste the skin on his neck that I marked last night. "My girl tells me all about you late at night when I'm fucking her real good."

My breathing stutters as my body overheats. He fucks me so good. "Does she? She spills all my secrets?"

"I know all your dirty secrets, Bella." His hand brushes against my stomach and he mouths, "_Mine._"

We are both most definitely his.

The sound of the door to my suite closing pulls my attention away from my husband. Mom comes barrelling down the hall, phone out and talking to someone about something. She glares at Edward. "Hold on, Alec," she says into the phone. "Two seconds ago, Rosalie was talking your ear off the phone and now you're out here talking to Isabella? How is that possible?"

"He just got off the elevator. He's coming up to celebrate her good news." I cover. I lie. I'm getting so good at this. But I only have to do it for one more day.

"Oh." Mom buys it like all the others. "Don't do anything in Isabella's suite. Take it elsewhere please. I don't need there to be rumors that something unsavory was going on in Isabella's room. People could think it's her."

"Mother!" I'm mortified. "You did not just say that."

Edward laughs. "No, ma'am. Nothing unsavory ever goes on in Bella's room. Ever." He's probably thinking about the way he took me from behind last night and made me scream loud enough to wake the neighbors. He so damn good at that.

The elevator arrives and Mom goes back to her conversation with Alec. I give Edward a little wave and he flashes me that smile again. I almost stick my hand out to stop the closing doors because I have never wanted to kiss that mouth so much. One day and a handful of hours, then I can kiss him whenever I want.

Mom ends her call and glares at me.

"What?" I ask, hating the way she inspecting me again.

"I don't like the way he looks at you."

"Who?"

She rolls her eyes and huffs. "Your sister's ridiculous boyfriend." She begins to pick at lint on her pants that isn't there.

"Edward is really a great guy, Mom. If you'd stop being so judgemental about the way he looks and get to know him, you might find him extremely likeable."

"He looks at you the way he should only be looking at your sister. That does not make him very likeable in my book. 'Great guys' don't let their eyes wander to their girlfriend's sister." She doesn't hesitate to add, "And loyal sister's don't get all hung up on how great their sister's boyfriend is either."

The elevator stops at the ground floor and Mom steps out, somehow leaving me feeling guilty about stealing a fake boyfriend my sister has never even been the slightest bit in love with. I have to remind myself he was mine from the beginning. Rosalie is going to have to convince our mother I am not the bad guy. There is no bad guy. Just a girl and a boy who fell in love and didn't want anyone to know. Just a secret wedding that was perfect in its absurdity. Just a couple white lies.

My stomach churns.

And a baby.

My mom is going to completely lose it over the baby.

Alec waits for us in the lobby. He's all smiles and kisses on the cheek like we're suddenly from somewhere in Europe instead of some small town in Washington state. He leads us outside to a waiting SUV with tinted windows. I wave at a couple young girls who recognize me as they're walking in the hotel as we walk out.

Sometimes it takes so little on my part to make a big difference in someone's life. It's still so hard for me to wrap my head around it. I'm just me. A girl like them. My face breaks out right before I get my period. I can gain weight by looking at chocolate. I wish my boobs were bigger (well, not right now but usually) and my nose was a little straighter. My hair never wants to behave when I do it myself. My mom doesn't understand me. And I have the biggest crush on Edward Cullen.

Typical girl through and through.

Mom and Alec talk across me the whole ride to the station. The interview lasts all of ten minutes and I'm back in the SUV a half hour later after giving autographs and taking pictures with everyone that works there.

"I was hoping I could steal Isabella away for lunch," Alec says to my mom as if I'm not sitting right in between them and perfectly capable of accepting or declining a lunch invitation.

"She'd love that," Mom answers, and I wonder for the first time if it's always been this way. Have I really allowed her to make so many decisions that no one believes I have a voice?

"I was going to have lunch with Rosalie."

Mom smiles, but her eyes are tight. "I'm sure your sister can manage without you for one meal. You and Alec go, have some fun."

Apparently this is how I'm supposed to play nice.

"I made us a reservation at this great place on the Riverfront. I promise, you'll love it. Super private and exclusive. We won't be bothered by anyone." He's trying so hard and has no clue I'm taken. _So _taken.

I smile and concede. If I get Rosalie this contract, I can be free from it all. Mom can focus all her time and energy on my twin and I can take charge of my own career and life for once.

* * *

"Let's try something," Edward says later while watching me change for my lunch date with Alec. "Repeat after me …_ nooooooooo_. Come on, you can do it. Say no."

I give him a look to show him I'm not amused. I lift my shirt over my head. I've explained it to him a million times. I don't want to go to lunch. I _have_ to. "It's good for Rose, which will be good for us in the long run."

"Holy shit!" Warm hands slide over my bare shoulders and move to cover my breasts. "I think these things grew since last night. You need to buy something to contain these puppies." He gives them both a good squeeze.

I slap his hands away. "Stop it. My sister is in the other room."

A sly smile plays on his lips. "I can fix that." He kisses me soft but sure, disorienting me just enough. He goes to the door and pops his head out. "Hey, Rosie. Go get changed. I'm taking you out to lunch to celebrate."

"For real or are you trying to get rid of me so you can have sex with my sister?" I hear Rosalie ask.

"Both." That's Edward. Honest to a fault.

"Win, win for the twins. Call me when you've worked up an appetite!"

Edward shuts the bedroom door and frowns when he sees me putting on a new shirt. "I just got rid of your sister. You're supposed to take all the clothes off, not put more on." He comes up behind me and tries to unbutton my pants.

I fight him unsuccessfully. "No, no, no. I am not having sex with you before I leave for lunch with Alec."

"Now she says no," he grumbles even though he gets the zipper down regardless of my protests. "You're going to lunch with me, Rose, and Alec."

I should have anticipated that. "Did you just invite yourself to my private lunch."

Edward begins to push my pants down over my hips. "Where you go, I go. It's a new rule." He bends down to kiss my shoulder, and I sink back into him. I love being in his arms.

"It isn't like I'm going to forget who my heart belongs to." I turn to face him. "Don't you trust me?"

"I love you and I don't want to be a secret anymore." His fingers slide along the chain that holds my ring. He pulls it out from underneath my shirt and pinches the diamond solitaire between his thumb and finger. His wedding ring right where I put it the day we said I do. He refused to take it off. It was where it belonged, he had said. I hate that I hurt him like this, but thankfully it will all be over soon.

I hold his face and look him in the eye. "One day. One more day, baby. This time tomorrow, my mom will know the truth and we can tell everyone. In fact …" I let go of him and shimmy out of my pants because let's face it, we all know how this is really going to end. I crawl over the bed to get to my guitar. It was my first present from Edward. He's been working so hard to teach me how to play. I've gotten pretty good and I love it that we can play together when we're hanging out.

Edward climbs on the bed and waits for me to tell him what I'm thinking.

"We should sing our song in Cincinnati. I want to invite you onstage with me and we'll tell the whole audience that you're madly in love with me."

"I'm madly in love with you?" He lifts his shirt off, and I've forgotten all about the lunch I'm supposed to go to. "What about how you're madly in love with me?"

I am. I am completely and totally and madly in love with him. I didn't know love like this could be for real, but it is. "That too. It'll be the ultimate coming out party with a few thousand of our closest friends."

He perks up at this idea. "You'll announce it to everyone? Tomorrow night?"

"Hell yeah," I say, giving the guitar a strum. "Cincinnati won't know what hit 'em."

Edward grins ear to ear, ridding me of all my earlier guilt. It means everything that I can make him smile. He shakes his head and takes the guitar away from me. Setting it against the wall, he begins unbuckling his belt. "I think I'm going to love it in Cincinnati."

Me too.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4, who is celebrating a birthday tomorrow! Happy birthday, J! I love you more than you know! Thank you for being my pre-reading beta. I appreciate all the time and effort you put into it.**

**Thanks to all the readers and reviewers out there. If I had more hours in a day, I would write you all back and let you know how much I love your reviews. I love the insight and the comments you guys make.**

**Now and Then is up for the best WIP of 2012 over at Rob Attack. If you aren't tired of me asking you to go vote - here's the link. Add the dots and take out the spaces. You know the drill. kwiksurveys DOT com/app/showpoll DOT asp?qid=55916&sid=bw70jnzqfz4cubs55916&new=True**

**Thanks everybody! xoxo, TF**


	11. Chapter 11

**NOW**

If I'm dreaming, I don't want to wake up. If I'm dead, this must be heaven. But if this is real, I am never leaving this bed. And neither is she. I don't dare move. She's curled up against me like a kitten, a tiny ball of beauty that's all snug and warm at my side.

I've missed this. More than I even realized. There are no words to express how much I need her in my life. How badly I want her sleeping beside me every night. She belongs here. I know it. She knows it. Nothing can keep us apart.

The soft rumbling of my phone vibrating on the nightstand catches my attention. It went off like crazy last night but I ignored it, knowing nothing was going to pull me away from Bella. Especially her psychotic mother. I decide I probably should see what adventures await me this morning. Trying not to disturb Bella, I stretch and capture the phone between two fingers.

47 missed calls.

15 new voicemails.

10 unread texts.

Persistent little witch. I tap on the newest text, which happens to be from Jasper not Renee.

_I did my best. You have until 8am before she calls the cops. Hope it was worth what's in store for us now._

It was more than worth it. I lost some major battles along the way, but I won the war. It's over. Bella is mine and that's all that matters.

The other texts are from Renee, each one a more desperate attempt at threatening me than the last.

_Where is my daughter? Return her to her room. Now._

_She is NOT yours. _

_You can't poison her against me, what room are you in? I will ruin you._

_If you do not tell me what room you are in, I will have you arrested for kidnapping! _

_I will destroy you and your career. You have 2 min._

_You are finished. _

_This tour ends here for you. Finished. _

_Believe this - you will never ever see her again _

_I'm calling the police. She needs to take her meds. You have no idea what you are doing._

The last one is the only one to give me pause. I touch Bella's head and smooth her hair back away from her face. She's more than warm. She's on fire. My hand slides down her back. Her whole body is burning up. With my heart pounding in my chest, I shift and try to unfurl her.

Her face is not soft with sleep. Her forehead is scrunched and her eyes shut too tight. Instead of snuggling next to me contently, she's been curled into a ball of stress and pain.

"Bella. Bella, baby, wake up." I shake her gently.

Her hands come up to cradle her head as she pulls her knees to her chest so she's back in the fetal position.

"Bella, we need to get up and get your medicine. Do you know what medicine you need to take?"

She groans, but it quickly turns into a whimper that slices my heart.

"What can I do, baby?" I'm feeling a bit frantic. I hate seeing her in pain. I jump out of bed and slip into my jeans. Renee can try to get me fucking arrested. I'll get the medicine first. "What medicine do you need?"

I pull my shirt over my head when she opens her eyes. They get big as saucers and then dart from my face to around the room to her own nakedness. The pain is replaced by fear as she grabs for the sheets and clutches them tightly to her body. In a panic, she scrambles off the bed, her eyes never leaving my face.

"Bella, it's okay. Everything is okay," I say softly, approaching her cautiously and trying not to frighten her further.

"Don't!" She puts a hand up, sheer terror in her voice and on her face. She stumbles when the sheet doesn't come off the bed with her. She pulls the comforter and covers herself before her head is back in her hands. She's crying and confused, and it's killing me.

"I just want to help you, Bella. I'm going to get you some medicine to help with the pain, okay?"

"My head hurts so bad," she cries. "Can you call my sister? I want my sister, Rosalie Swan. Please call her."

_Oh fucking shit._

"I know who your sister is, Bella. Do you know who I am?" I keep my distance. Her back is against the wall and the hotel comforter is hiding everything but the brown mess of hair she is currently trying to pull out of her head.

"My head hurts! It hurts so bad!" she wails.

My options are limited. I call Jasper because Renee is going to skin me alive. He answers, sounding tired and frustrated.

"_Now _you read your texts. I fought your battle all night. Can I please get one hour of uninterrupted sleep? Please?"

"Something's wrong with Bella." I lower my voice even though I don't think she's paying any attention to me anymore. Her headache is debilitating. "She's got a fever and a bad headache."

"Sounds like she needs some Advil."

I try not to swear at him. "Dude, she doesn't need Advil! She asked me to call her sister."

"Oh shit." Now he's getting it. "You better call Renee."

I don't want to fight with her and that is exactly what will happen if I call. It shouldn't be so hard to get Bella help. But everything is a fight when it comes to Renee. I feel like it's all I've done for six months. "Can you call Jessica?"

"Jessica is just going to call her, so what's the difference?"

He's right, but calling her feels like admitting defeat. Bella asked me to make love to her last night and it was beautiful and perfect. I can't lose. I can't lose when I finally thought all the fighting was over. "I think Bella needs to go to the hospital."

"Then you really need to call Renee."

"Fine, but I'm taking her to a hospital."

"All right. I'm coming to your room for backup."

"Thanks." He has no idea how much I need him to do that. I hang up with him and answer Renee's last text with my room number. She makes it to my door at the same time as Jasper.

"Where is she?" Renee screeches, staring at my messy bed. Her eyes find Bella on the floor before they turn on me full of unnecessary accusations. "What did you do?" She shoves me with both hands and crouches down next to her daughter. "I'm here, Isabella. I'm here."

"Mom," Bella whimpers, leaning into Renee. "My head. It hurts so bad. Why does it hurt so bad?"

Renee snatches up the clothes I picked up and set on the bed. "You were supposed to take your medicine two hours ago. That's why." She scowls at me. "This is why you need to listen to me, Isabella. I am the _only _one looking out for you."

"That's bullshit and you know it," I say, my hands in my pockets so she doesn't see them balled into fists.

"You don't know her or what she needs! Bella, let's get your clothes on so I can get you out of here. Away from him."

"She's burning up, Renee. This isn't her injury. She doesn't always wake up like this, does she?"

She tries to act unaffected, but Renee put the back of her hand against Bella's cheek. The fever isn't normal; I can tell. "She can be ... disoriented in the morning."

"She asked me to call Rose."

Renee's eyes snap to mine. That must also be unusual. "This is your fault." She points an angry finger in my direction then helps Bella get her pants on. "You lure her here, take advantage of her, hold her against her will."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I pull my hands out of my pockets and throw them up. "She came here on her own. Not only that, but she remembered me last night. She remembered something about me from _before_ the accident."

Renee's shoulders drop just a tad. "Liar."

I'd be more smug if Bella wasn't on the floor in fear and pain. "She did. Her memory is coming back."

"Her memory is gone, you ignorant psychopath!" She stands and gets in my face. "It's never coming back! She is done with you."

"She remembered me last night." I jab a finger in my own chest.

"And she asked you call Rose this morning," she replies snidely.

It's a punch in the gut. But I've felt worse. "She's feverish. Jas and I are taking her to the hospital."

"Baby," Renee says to Bella. "Can you walk? Can you get up and walk out with me?"

Bella lies on the floor, her head still in her hands, tears streaking down her face. She doesn't speak but shakes her head no.

"Something worse is going on here. She's hurting too much."

Renee pulls out her phone and dials someone. "I need Felix, someone who can carry Isabella up a couple flights of stairs"

"Renee-" I try to interrupt. It's ridiculous to fight me on this.

"We can't take the elevators," she explains to whoever she's talking to. "Someone might see. She's incapacitated. Bring Felix to 515. _Now._"

"Fuck that." I grab the hotel phone and dial 9-1-1.

"What are you doing?"

"She's sick. Something is wrong. I'm calling for an ambulance. She's my wife and I'll get her what she needs if you won't."

"You aren't taking her anywhere! I am her mother and I will handle this." She literally begins to wrestle me for the phone. Jasper steps in and tries to get her off me.

"Listen, help Bella get dressed," he says, getting in between us. "You aren't going to talk him out of this. Look at her! She needs more than some pain meds."

"You have no idea what you're doing or the trouble you cause," she spits at me. "You never have." She stops fighting me and helps Bella back into her clothes. Jessica and Felix arrive before the ambulance. Jasper and I do what we can to keep anyone but the paramedics from taking Bella out of the room.

* * *

Somehow, my morning of bliss only lasted less than a minute. I'm now pacing around a hospital waiting room in Orlando while Renee sits by my wife's bedside. She told the hospital she had power of attorney and healthcare rights over Bella, not to mention the paperwork to prove it. Because I couldn't provide anything that said different, I was relegated to the waiting room with the rest of Renee's entourage.

Jasper's catching a cat nap in a chair that in no way looks comfortable enough to sleep in. Leah texts me every fifteen minutes for an update of which there is none. I don't know what's wrong with Bella. I don't know what they're doing to make her better. I have no idea how long she needs to be here or if she's going to remember more than she did this morning.

_Please God, let her remember more than this morning._

A nervous looking nurse comes out and heads straight for me. "Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes."

"Your wife is asking for you." The most enormous sense of relief washes over me. Not only is Bella asking for me, but the nurse called her my wife. The short and stocky woman with a kind face looks around like she needs to watch her back and lowers her voice. "She and her mother are arguing about it, but she was very clear about wanting to talk to you. Mrs. Swan is not happy about it. I just wanted you to be prepared. Not that we would allow her to disrupt your visit. I mean, we will call security if we need to."

The right side of my mouth curves upward. Wouldn't it be nice to see Renee carted out instead of me for once? "I totally understand. You guys have to do what you have to do."

She leads me down a hall and around a corner. I can hear Renee before I see her. She's at the nurse's station reading some poor woman the riot act. "This is ridiculous! I want her discharged immediately! You are all incompetent fools!"

She's so enraged and focused on her next kill, she doesn't even notice me slip on by. The nurse motions towards Bella's room and smiles as I mouth,_ "Thank you."_ Someday Renee will learn that treating people nicely has its benefits.

Bella looks a million times better than she did when she got here. Her cheeks are pink and her body looks relaxed. Whatever is being pumped into her intravenously must have done the trick with her headache.

"Hi," I say. She asked for me, so I'm hoping that means she remembers me again.

"Hi." She looks up and smiles. "You're still here."

"Where else would I be?" I ask, taking the seat next to her bed.

"You put up with so much. Too much. I don't think I could ever be as strong as you. Your persistence means a lot."

Her acknowledgment means the world to me. I have put up with a lot, but I'll put up with anything to have her in my life. There will never be too much. My heart belongs to her, I can't change that even if I wanted to. "How you feelin'? You look better."

She lifts her arm with the tube sticking out of it. "This is some good stuff. I feel much better now that my headache is gone."

"I'm glad." I touch her hand and she doesn't pull away. Another good sign.

Bella's fingers smooth out a wrinkle in the white bed sheet covering her. I take note of the things I remember from the last time she was in the hospital. ID band on her wrist, a bandaid on the inside of her elbow where they must have taken some blood, oxygen monitor clamped to the tip of her pointer finger. No ring on her ring finger.

Bella wore her wedding ring where it belongs for 24 hours. The day it was supposed to take permanent residence on her finger, she ended up in a hospital where they wouldn't let her wear it at all, not even around her neck.

"I wanted to apologize for this morning," she says with her eyes cast down. "That was not how I wanted things to go after last night."

Hope swells in my chest once more. "So you remember last night?"

The pink in her cheeks deepen as her eyes lift to mine. "I remember."

I don't mean to smirk, but I do. "That's a relief. Of course, if anything is a little fuzzy, I can refresh your memory later tonight. You know, if that would help."

She laughs lightly. "How helpful of you."

"That's me. Mr. Helpful."

I watch her close her eyes for a beat longer than a blink and swallow hard. "I remember _everything_ about last night."

I half expect the heavens to open and the angels to sing a chorus of Hallelujah. I slide my hand under hers and give it a squeeze. "Last night was just the beginning. Loving you is what I want to do for the rest of my life. You had me worried last night went away like last year."

"Sometimes I wake up a little out of it. I get a little confused about where I am or where we're going."

"Hell, I'm always confused about that," I joke.

She laughs again and I want to climb into that bed with her, hold her tight, never let her go. "But I've never forgotten everything like this morning. They want do a CT scan on my head, see what's going on in there."

"Sounds like a good idea. You were more than a little confused this morning."

Bella nods and I know what she's thinking. I wonder how long it took her to remember the last six months. I worry sometimes that remembering is going to be just as hard on her as her forgetting has been on me.

"I'm scared," she whispers and now I am too.

"Of what?"

"I don't want to forget anymore than I already have. I mean, I think there are things I thought were just my imagination that are really memories. I don't want to lose them again."

I knew it. I knew she was remembering. I want to call in every specialist in this damn hospital and get their opinion. Maybe her brain is trying to figure out how to fix itself. All the roads are under construction and the detours are finally getting her where we want to be.

"What do you remember?"

"Nothing specific. Just you. Sometimes I have these flashes of you smiling or playing guitar or …" Her face is bright red again. "I just see you. I used to think it was me daydreaming about you because you're … I don't know." She shakes her head and covers her face with her hand. "You're ... very good-looking, okay? So I thought about you. About us. But when I saw the way you looked last night, when you … let go, I knew I'd seen you look like that before."

Oh, she has most definitely seen that face before. _Many _times. Many, many, many times. Before we can talk about it, Renee comes busting in.

"We're going. Let's get you dressed." She takes note of my presence. "Oh great! They let him in here. This has to be the worst hospital ever."

"She's not leaving. They want to run some more tests. Do a CT."

"This hospital is not touching her," Renee snarls. She throws Bella's clothes on the bed. "The nurse is coming in to take out the IV. We have a show to do tonight. Mr. Cullen's last one to be exact."

I jump to my feet and place myself between Bella and this woman who calls herself her mother. "She is not performing tonight. Are you insane?"

"Are _you_ insane? We are not cancelling a show twice. Do you know how closely RCA is watching us? Do you have any idea how badly your little 9-1-1 stunt has set us back in getting them to resign her?"

"You have to be kidding me. Who gives a fuck about RCA? This is Bella's life we're talking about!"

"She's fine. Isabella, is your headache gone?"

"My headache's gone, but-"

"See! She's fine." Once again, Renee stops listening as soon as she hears what she wants.

I don't stop though. "But what, Bella? Tell her what you told me."

"I'm afraid something's wrong. Why did I forget everything this morning? What if things start coming and going like that? I'm scared, Mom."

"It's all Edward's fault, baby. He's creating too much stress. Your body and mind can't take all this stress. That's why he has to go. He has to sign the divorce papers and let you heal and move on with your life. I'm making sure that happens."

I laugh because I don't know what else to do. "Are you so afraid of being alone that you're all right with manipulating your daughter? Is that it? You're pathetic, you know that, right?"

"Edward, don't," Bella says quietly from behind me.

Renee shakes her head. "_You're_ pathetic. Hanging on to a girl who doesn't remember you from any other Tom, Dick, or Harry. You're the one with no one. No family. You think my daughter can fill some void in your life. You think by holding on and refusing to sign the papers you're going to win?"

"I have won."

"You lost! You lost a long time ago. You aren't good enough for her just like you weren't good enough for Rosalie. Just go away!"

The nurse is at the door along with some serious looking security guards. "If you continue to yell, we are going to ask you both to leave." She walks over to Bella and checks the IV tube. "Miss Swan, we need you to sign yourself out against medical advice if that's what you want."

I beg, "Don't do it."

"Alec is coming," Renee says, and my blood begins to boil. "He'll be here for the show. They're ready to give you up, Isabella. If RCA walks away, every other record company out there is going to assume you're damaged goods. You have to perform tonight."

"Fuck that. Fuck all of it. You can start your own label. You can live off me for the rest of your life. You don't need to do anything. Don't listen to this insane woman."

Renee loves invading my personal space. She's so close I have to take a step back. "Oh you'd love that, wouldn't you? Make her dependent on you? She takes care of herself! She doesn't need you. She doesn't need anyone. She is Isabella Swan, America's sweetheart."

"Stop it!" Bella shouts from her bed. "Both of you! Stop it! If I do the show tonight, I want to fly back to LA and see Dr. Volturi for the CT scan and a full evaluation."

"Fine," Renee relents.

"Bella-" I try to interrupt, but she's having none of it.

"I'll see a doctor tomorrow. It'll be fine," she says, failing to reassure me. Renee wears a satisfied smirk. Bella gets her attention, though. "And mother, if I do this, he stays on the tour and you will leave me alone about talking to him and seeing him."

The smirk is erased. "Isabella-"

"Take it or leave it. I'm not getting out of this bed or signing anything unless you agree to leave him alone."

"I already have things in motion to replace him in New Orleans."

"I don't care. Stop it. Whatever you've started, stop it." I've never seen Bella this assertive. It's almost enough, except for the fact that she's willing to leave the hospital and go through with her show tonight.

"Don't worry about me," I plead. "Worry about you. Stay in the hospital. Please."

She looks tired and I know she can't take much more of this fight. But I can't watch her push herself to her limits. This terrible sense of dread fills every space in my body. It's the same feeling I ignored so many months ago. If she goes through with this, something bad is going to happen to her. I can't lose her when I'm just beginning to get her back.

The nurse hands Bella something to sign and unhooks her IV. Bella writes her name on the line and gives me a smile, as if that will make this disaster okay. "One day, Edward. I just have to get through one day. It's going to be fine."

I can't breathe because I've heard that before. I know how very not fine things can get in one day.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**It's all coming together. Only a few more chapters left! She's been remembering little bits and pieces. That's better than The Vow, right? Will she remember it all? Do we want her to remember it all? Maybe wait and answer that after the next chapter.**

**Thanks to momof4. Thanks to all you readers, reviewers, tweeters, FB lovies. I appreciate all the support. You are so sweet and that is what all my review replies would say if I ever had time to reply. Thank you so very much for reading.**

**xoxo,**  
**TF**


	12. Chapter 12

**THEN**

Lunch is a disaster. A _complete_ disaster. Edward and Alec despise one another. Rosalie is ready to break up with my husband because he is not helping her in any way, shape, or form. In fact, he is ruining everything. It doesn't help that there is nothing hotter than a jealous Edward. It makes him cocky and sarcastic. He's a total punk, and I am fighting the urge to climb over the table and cover his smart mouth with mine and shove my tongue down his throat so he can't say anything else.

"I need to make a call. I'll be right back," my sister says, giving me that look like I better make Edward behave. As if I have any control over that.

As she sashays away, I turn to Alec. "Wouldn't it be great if next year Rose could open for me? It could be a double Swan bill."

He shakes his head and smiles at me like I'm a naive child. "Isabella, I admire your enthusiasm, but really? Do not let your sister drag you down. Next tour, you should have top notch opening acts, real up and comers, people you can say you helped launch. That's the kind of power you have as an artist."

"Why do I feel like you're somehow slamming me with that comment?" Edward asks. He grabs his drink off the table and drains the last of it while keeping his eyes fixed on Alec.

"You can take it however you want, Cullen. You're a decent musician. Your voice isn't the best. Your first album performed well, but we'll see if you have what it takes to be more than a couple Top 20 singles."

"A couple Top 20 singles?" Edward asks in disbelief. "What about a Grammy? Does that not count for anything?"

Alec leans forward, his elbows on the table. "Let's be real. They gave Milli Vanilli a Grammy for Best New Artist. I wouldn't get too excited."

Edward's eyes go wide and I'm pretty sure he's going to reach across the table and choke Alec with his polka-dotted tie. "Are you serious?"

I glare at Edward, begging him to let it go with my eyes. I know Alec is being an ass, but this is my sister's future we're talking about here. Not to mention a way to step away from my mom with as little trouble as possible. "Alec, all I'm saying is I would appreciate any support you threw Rose's way. RCA could do a lot worse than the two of us."

"RCA has your back, Isabella. We love you. You're our girl until the end of time." He licks his lips. "You've always been the one I wanted to get behind."

His innuendo makes me want to punch him. My husband can take no more. Edward knocks over a glass of wine that spills in Alec's lap.

"Son of a-" Alec jumps up and I know we're done for. "You did that on purpose!"

"She wants your professional support not to suck your dick, you fucker."

Alec is so taken aback, he's speechless.

I stand in between both men and put my hand on Edward's chest. "I think you need to step away."

My husband is livid. "If I wasn't here, he'd already have one hand down your pants. Are you kidding me? I'm not going anywhere!"

Our waiter comes over and attempts to help Alec dry off his soaking wet crotch. "What the hell is your problem, Cullen? Are you mental?" Alec asks once his words return to him.

"Go outside, Edward," I say all flustered and hormonal. "Have a smoke. Do something. You can't stay here."

"Bella …" He puts his hand over mine. His heart is beating so fast and the hurt in his eyes is making me crumble.

"Please, Edward," I say softer. I love him, but I need him to let me handle this. "Go."

"What the hell is going on? Are you two ... you are, aren't you? That's what's going on, isn't it? You two are fucking around. What the hell are you doing, Isabella?"

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. _"Alec, no, I swear-"

"I am so fucking done with this!" Edward shouts, kicking over his chair and sending it flying across the semi-private dining room. "What's it going to be this time, Bella? He's imagining things? I'm just being overprotective because of my feelings for Rose? Which lie is it going to be this time?"

"What is going on?" Rosalie returns from her phone call. I sure hope she and Emmett had a nice talk because our world is currently falling apart.

"Apparently your sister is fucking your boyfriend. I hope he can afford lunch and a couple extra cabs to get you all back to the hotel. Something tells me you won't want to ride together after all is said and done." Alec storms away. I try to follow him to do some damage control, but Edward grabs my arm.

"Don't even think about it."

"He could tell my mom, Edward! Hell, he could leak this to the press right now! What the hell were you thinking?"

He lets me go and I run to the front of the restaurant, catching Alec outside, calling for a ride.

"It's not what you think," I sputter, trying to catch my breath.

"Oh, I think it's exactly what I think," he says surely. "You've really done it this time. The John Mayer thing was nothing compared to this. You sure have a thing for dirtbags."

"Edward is not a dirtbag. This is a lot more complicated than you understand. Edward and I are together, but Edward and Rose are not, _were_ not, have never been. I swear. I plan on talking to my mom tomorrow. I would appreciate it if you'd let me explain things to her myself."

Alec laughs. "Oh, I wish I could be there when Renee loses her shit over this. That's going to be priceless."

"Please, Alec."

His laughter dies as quickly as it began. "I won't say anything to your mother. I don't know what you Swan women are up to. Your mother makes me think you're more than available. You lead me on. Why? To get Rose signed? Dream on, honey. There is no way I will ever let anyone at RCA sign your talentless sister. You hear me? Never."

A car pulls up and Alec gets in without another look in my direction. I stand outside long after he drives away. Everything is ruined. Completely ruined. My sister is never going to forgive me. My mother is going to kill me. And Edward will probably want to divorce me.

It isn't long before Rose and Edward join me outside. "Did you smooth things over? Please tell me you smoothed things over," Rosalie says, looking at me with those big blue, hopeful eyes. She was so happy this morning. Being a pop star is her dream. Dream, fantasy - same thing.

"He probably needs a little more time to cool down."

"What did he say?" she asks me, knowing it's not good.

"It doesn't matter. He's pissed. I'm sure he'll change his mind when he calms down."

"He'll change his mind about what?" I can see the emotion building inside her. It's all about to come to the surface and explode, making me it's first victim.

"Rose, I swear, I will fix this. Alec isn't the only person at RCA who can sign you. I'll talk to-"

"You promised! You promised me you would do this _one_ thing for me! One stupid thing after all the bullshit I have done for you. All the lies and the ridiculous cover ups. I did it all. And all I ask for is this one thing! All you had to do was make Alec happy."

"Your sister isn't prostituting herself for you, Rosalie," Edward tosses in the mix.

Rose turns on him fast and furious. "Fuck you, Edward Cullen! Fuck. You. And you know what? I'm breaking up with you! Did everybody hear that? I am not dating Edward Cullen because he is an asshole!" she screams on the city sidewalk. People going about their business can't help but stop and stare.

"Rose." I try to grab her hand.

"No! No! I am done! Done helping you. Done giving a shit about you and your career and your problems with Mom. You're on your own, sister. Good fucking luck. I hope she crushes you."

She takes off down the street and hails a cab at the corner. Tears fill and spill. "She doesn't have any money to pay for that cab," I manage to choke out.

Edward wraps his arms around me. "She's a big girl, she'll figure it out. Maybe it's time Rosalie learned to do things on her own instead of sharing your life."

I can't hear that right now. My sister is hurting and it's my fault. I've been the user and abuser for the last six months. I've asked her to do things to make my life easier with no regard for how it would impact her life. I am the bad guy in this story. Like it or not, I have managed to hurt everyone I care about.

Rose doesn't answer her phone the rest of the afternoon. I can't even be sure she made it back to the hotel. I keep texting her and asking her to just tell me she's alive, but she is ignoring me. I don't blame her. I should never have let Edward come to lunch. I knew how he felt about Alec.

_Edward. _ I want to be mad at him, but I'm too mad at myself to be mad at anyone else. He's done with hiding. I knew that. My lies and deceit, originally set into motion to protect us, have done nothing but make things worse. When the media gets their hands on all of this, we will suffer worse consequences, I'm sure of it.

There's no time to dwell on the mess I've made of my life. I have to go to the hospital on the way to the venue for The Make a Wish Foundation. This kind of thing breaks my heart everytime. Being pregnant makes it even harder than usual. I can't imagine losing this baby and I haven't even met him or her yet. The girl I'm visiting is fifteen. The pain her parents are going through … I can't begin to fathom.

Tanya Sanders is dying. Cancer has ravaged her body, taken her hair, and stolen her childhood. Yet I am greeted with a smile bright and wide. Her big, hazel eyes shine when I walk in the room. She looks younger than fifteen and, at the same time, like she has lived a thousand lifetimes.

Her hands are shaking when she reaches out for my arm. "You're real," she says like it was possible I wasn't. Her skin is almost translucent and seems paper thin. She's the most fragile looking person I've met since I started doing this kind of thing.

"You have the best smile I have seen in a long time," I tell her, and somehow her smile broadens even more. She adjusts the scarf on her head and we begin to chat like long-lost friends.

We talk about music and how she used to play the flute in the school band. She wants to know what it's like to make music videos and which country in Europe is my favorite. She shows me a picture of her and her best friend, Kate, and has me sign a CD for her. Tanya and Kate have been best friends since they were in diapers. They both used to have the same strawberry blonde hair that fell past their shoulders. Tanya tells me people always said they looked like sisters.

Just the word sisters makes my heart ache. My sister and I don't look alike at all. People never believe we're related and think we're joking when we say we're twins. We're so different, and I like it that way. We balance each other out. She's fearless and I'm reserved. She's crazy and I'm practical. I usually am the one to keep her from jumping in head first, but lately I've been so wrapped up in my own issues, I haven't been her voice of reason. Instead of being honest with her about the potential disaster being a pop star who can't really sing could be, I only thought about how this career choice would benefit me. That's not who I am. That's not how I usually take care of her. She and I need to have a real heart to heart. If she ever talks to me again.

Tanya and I take a ton of pictures and I sign everything this girl puts in front of me. Just as the visit is coming to an end, Tanya asks if we can have some privacy. She rolls her eyes like a normal fifteen year old when her mom gives her a hard time about it. Behind her mom's teasing, I see a woman who can't bear to leave her daughter even for a minute. Minutes are precious at this point. Every single one counts. She gives in, though. The Make-A-Wish people, hospital staff, my entourage, and Tanya's parents leave us alone for a few minutes.

Tanya looks forlorn, and I don't know what to do about it. "Can I ask you kind of a personal question?" she finally asks.

"You can always ask it, but I can't promise I'll answer it," I say with a smile.

"Have you ever been in love? For real? I mean, you sing about love and all these guys who seem so super romantic and perfect, and I guess I want to know if that's real or if it's just a song, you know?"

I can see the longing in her eyes. I can't lie to her. Not to her. "Truth?" I ask, and she nods her head. "Well, the boys in the songs aren't real. Someone writes the songs and I sing them. I can't say I have ever been in the kind of relationship that I sing about."

The disappointment is clear. Tanya's shoulders slump a little.

"But that doesn't mean I've never been in love," I insist. A switch inside of me flips and I need to stop hiding. I need to tell someone the truth. I need to be real. "I'm going to tell you something. This is really big, like only a couple people in the whole world know about it."

Tanya straightens and her smile is back. "I swear, I won't tell anyone. Cross my heart." She makes an X over her chest and the fact that she leaves off the hopes to die part of the saying isn't lost on me. My throat tightens and I have to take a drink from my water bottle before I can continue.

I pull my wedding ring out from under my shirt and hold it up for her to see. Her eyes can't get any wider. "I'm in love with the coolest guy in the whole world."

"Oh my god. Are you engaged? Who is it? Is it that guy from the Hunger Games? I heard you went on a date or he was at the same restaurant as you or something like that. Is it him?"

I laugh because, _good Lord_, the gossip magazines get it wrong so much more than they get it right. "Um, no. It's not the guy from the Hunger Games. And I'm not engaged. I'm _married._"

Tanya stares for a minute. I don't think she even blinks. "No. Way."

"I swear."

"Married? For real married?" Tanya is beside herself with glee.

"For real married. It's almost been a month."

"A month! Who? Who, who, who?"

"Edward Cullen. I'm married to Edward Cullen, and he's better than any guy in any song that's ever been written."

Tanya lies back on her pillow. She covers her face with her hands. "Your sister's boyfriend? How can you be married to your sister's boyfriend?"

Someday my sister and I are going to laugh about this. There are going to be so many people out there who won't believe the truth. They'll think Edward dated both of us or that I stole my sister's boyfriend away. Someday we're going to giggle ourselves silly about it. If she forgives me.

"They were never dating," I explain. "My sister helped me keep things on the downlow. Edward and I have been together since he joined the tour."

She sits back up and her smile is contagious. "Edward Cullen is so hot, like so, so hot."

"I know."

I tell her everything I can about my husband and our story. The rated PG-13 version isn't as titillating as the real thing, but it's still pretty damn good. Tanya soaks it all in. I see her, living vicariously. She will never have what Edward and I have been given. I am so blessed and should be shouting it from the rooftops. Nothing can touch what we have. Not my mom's insanity, not the press, not the paps. I've been afraid of things that simply do not matter.

A knock on the door and a mother who can't stand to spend one more minute away from her child ends our private chat. There are hugs and goodbyes mixed with thank yous. It's me who should be grateful. Tanya makes me realize life is too short.

"Why is your sister not answering my calls?" my mom questions when we're back in the car.

"She's mad at me."

Mom taps out a message on her phone and hits send. "What in the world could she be mad at you about?" She glances over at me.

"Alec wants something from me that I can't give him."

"Isabella," she says with a sigh. "Don't you understand the concept of faking it?"

_Better than she realizes. _"I'm not going to lead him on."

"I didn't expect you to marry the man, just make him think he had a shot! That's all men want - a little ego boost. They like it when they think a beautiful woman is interested. He would have been a good ally to have."

"I'm going to fix it, I promise. But I won't be letting Alec or anyone think they have a shot." I take a deep breath. This is it. I'm going to tell her. I love Edward and there will never be any guy other than him. "Mom -"

Her phone beeps and she turns her attention to it. "What?" she says to the phone not to me. It beeps again and again. She's scrolls through the rapid firing texts. "What?!"

"What's the matter?" I know what's the matter, but I ask anyway. Edward and Rosalie both made very public scenes today. It was only a matter of time before social media was flooded with gossip and half-truths.

"Apparently your sister broke up with her boyfriend today."

"Kind of." I need to say it. Out loud. Edward and I are together. We've always been together.

"Kind of?" She looks up at me, her eyes full of her frustration. "According to people who saw her outside of some downtown restaurant today, she most definitely broke up with him. But maybe you can explain to me why am I seeing pictures of you hugging him after your sister broke up with him?"

Shit, meet Fan.

"I can explain," I begin.

"This is blowing up all over Twitter! Esme is getting calls from every magazine in the world, asking for confirmation of a relationship between you and your sister's ex-boyfriend. This is a complete disaster, Isabella! A complete PR nightmare."

Esme is my publicist. She's fantastic and I feel bad that I am ruining her day. I planned to tell her before Edward and I announce our relationship in Cincinnati, but it seems I'm going to be telling her too little, too late. "It looks bad now, but it's going to be fine once everyone knows the facts."

"The facts?" Mom holds the phone up to her ear. "Unless the facts are there is nothing going on between you and Edward Cullen, this will never be _fine_."

Before I can respond, she's talking to Esme, making a game plan and considering their options. My mom isn't going to listen to a word I say until she gets off the phone, which doesn't happen until we're getting out of the car and being led into the venue by security. My visit with Tanya means no time to waste. I have meet and greet and then it'll be time get in costume.

"Change in plans," Mom says. "We'll head to Cincinnati tonight. You need to get out of Detroit immediately."

"I need to talk to you, as soon as the show's over."

Mom eyes me with suspicion. She's got a good feeling about what I'm going to say, but the reality is, she doesn't know the half of it. "It better be what I want to hear."

It's not. But I'm still going to tell her everything.

I smile through the meet and greet. Rose is still missing. Rachel dresses me and Irina does my make up. Mom has been on her phone the entire time. She's hidden herself away somewhere, talking to Esme and God knows who else. All their planning is pointless when they hear what really is going on.

I catch a flash of messy auburn hair behind me in the makeup mirror. Then all I see are wary green eyes. "How's it going?"

I missed him. How could I miss him when it's only been a few hours? I don't know, but I did. "It's been better."

"Any word from Rose?"

I shake my head, frustrating Irina as she pencils in my eyebrows.

"She'll turn up," he assures me. He places both hands on my shoulders and gives them a little massage. He's sweaty from his set and dressed in black jeans and white t-shirt. He's so incredibly sexy with so little effort. He's going to be the death of me someday.

"I hear we're trending on Twitter," he reports.

"I think we're going to be doing that for a while."

Edward laughs through his nose. "There are worse things."

"Keep reminding me that when the paparazzi attack me as the other woman whenever I step outside."

He squeezes my shoulders and our eyes never leave the other's. "I'll protect you. I promise. No one messes with my girl."

I love him and trust him to keep me safe. No matter what the press says about any of this, the truth is right here. My heart knows he will take care of me. Always.

"Rachel and I have been telling her all along this ruse was going to come back to haunt her, but she doesn't listen to us," Irina says, joining the conversation finally.

"You want to be there when I tell my mother tonight?" I challenge.

Irina pulls out the mascara and shakes her head. "No thank you. I think my bus is much safer."

"See? Everyone thinks it's so simple until you put my mother into the equation. Not even Rose wants to back me up."

"I like your sister, but she needs the same thing your mother does - a push out the door so she can make her own way in life. It's time for the two of them to do something other than live in your bubble. Your bubble is kind of crowded. Some people need to go and I'm not going and neither is someone else we know," Edward says, giving me a wink. Once again, he's right. The baby and Edward are my family now. They need to be my priority. I will do everything I can to help Rosalie find her way, but it is time to draw some lines.

"I wouldn't let you go and I'd kick your ass if you tried," I tease.

"Don't do her lips yet," Edward says just as Irina digs through her stuff for my lipcolor. He pulls me up out of the chair and wraps me in his strong and capable arms. "You're stuck with me for life, remember?"

I tickle his nose with mine. "I remember. I made a vow before God and Elvis."

His hands slide up and down my sides while his smile reminds me of all the good things I have to look forward to. "Yeah you did. Don't forget."

"I won't," I promise.

"Call me after you talk to your mom." He starts to press small kisses down my cheek and along my jaw. "I need to know you're okay."

"Okay." I capture his teasing lips and give his bottom one a gentle tug with my teeth. He makes everything better. Everything will work out in the end. He gives me that confidence.

The show goes off without a hitch. Even without Rosalie, we manage. I text her when we're done that I hope she'll ride to Cincinnati with me if she's still in Detroit. It's starting to bug me that I don't know where she is.

Edward and his band left while I was performing. One long bus ride and we'll be together. _Together_ together. The truth will be out, my mother will no longer be my manager, and my life as Isabella Cullen will begin.

Mom's not happy about Rose's disappearing act either. "She better be dead or on an airplane because if I find out she's been simply ignoring my calls, I'm going to kill her myself."

I swallow down a whole bottle of water and try to get comfortable on the bench seat on the bus. We're still parked outside the venue. I wanted to give Rose a chance to show. Peter will drive this leg even though it's a lot earlier than planned. I figure I can speak freely in front of him since he's seen us sneak Edward on the bus more than a couple times.

"She's probably headed to Cincinnati already. She's meeting someone there."

"She's meeting someone there? Really?" Mom's going to love all these surprises. Maybe giving up some of Rosalie's secrets will make telling mine easier.

"There's a guy. In Cincinnati."

"A guy in Cincinnati. _Perfect._" Mom lets her head fall back and rubs her eyes.

"We haven't been completely honest with you, but I want to be."

"You know, this is what kills me! I work my ass off for you, Isabella! I work and work and work. And what do I get? Daughters who lie to me. Ungrateful little brats. Do you have any idea what I have had to do the last few hours to keep a lid on all this? Do you? You're lucky I'm your mother because I don't think you could pay someone enough to deal with all this BS."

"I don't want you to do all this BS!" I throw my hands up. She acts like I asked her to do any of this. "I don't want you to spend every minute of your day obsessing over my career, Mom! I can't take it anymore. It's ruining our relationship. Sometimes I feel like your job instead of your daughter. I hate that and it needs to change."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means …" I know I have to say it, but the words are stuck. I love my mom. I know she does what she does because she's so afraid that we'll end up like she did, alone and struggling to care for herself and two kids. Dad made the money and Mom stayed home with us. When Dad died, Mom had no idea what to do. She had no marketable skills other than being a stay at home mom. Those weren't in high demand and the job didn't pay. At all.

I think she became angry at Dad for dying. It was the easier of the emotions for her to manage. Her anger pushed her to persevere. It helped her to develop the drive to go out there and make things happen. And what she wanted to happen was for Rose and I to be financially independent. She wanted us to never need a man to take care of us.

The only problem is she micromanages our independence, which kind of defeats the whole purpose. I have to let her go so I can prove to her that she's made me the woman she wanted me to be. I will be able to take care of myself. She has to let me.

"It means you're fired."

There is silence as Mom lets my words sink in. She stares at me for what feels like an eternity. "What?"

"I've decided to hire someone to manage me. In fact, Alice should be meeting us in Cincinnati. Alice Brandon has an excellent reputation and I know she'll be-"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Mom screams. "This is a joke right? Am I on some practical joke show because this has to be a prank."

"Mom-"

Her face is red and I'm afraid she's going to literally explode. "You're firing me? You're firing your mother?"

"I'm firing my manager so I can have my mother back. I don't want you to have two roles in my life. You're not nice. You want to know why Rosalie and I have been lying to you? Because you judge and criticize. You control and manipulate. You never just listen or be supportive. We're twenty-two years old, Mom. We're not little kids who need their mom to tell them what to do every second of every day. I am capable of making my own decisions."

Mom stands up and begins to pace up and down the aisle. "You have got to be kidding me." She laughing but not the kind of laughter that makes me think she finds any of this the least bit funny.

"I love you. I want my mom back. I want to be able to tell you things without you constantly thinking about how it's going to impact record sales."

"You are unbelievable. You know that? After everything that I have sacrificed for you? After I have given my heart and soul to you and your career? I can't believe I raised someone who would turn her back on her family. First, you betray your sister and now your own mother. This is really unbelieveable."

I stand up and try to get her to listen to me. "I am not turning my back on you. All I'm asking is for you to let me handle my own life. Be my mom and let me worry about my career."

"You want to worry about your career all by yourself? Fine! Fine, Isabella! Go ahead, worry about it. Alone!" She shoves me out of the way, and I fall back onto the seat. She's out the door and off the bus before I can get back on my feet.

I guess that's what I expected would happen. I sit back down and put my hands on my stomach. I didn't get a chance to tell her everything, though. Maybe I shouldn't have led with _you're fired._

My mother hates me.

My sister hates me.

"What do you want to do, Miss Swan?" Peter asks. There's a schedule to keep and my mother's temper tantrum doesn't fit into it.

"She isn't coming back. Radio to make sure she gets on another bus and then let's get going." With seven tour buses and sixteen trucks moving this production from location to location, she's got plenty of options.

I'm alone. But I'm heading to Cincinnati where Edward will be waiting. We'll face the next part of this together.

Edward loves me.

This baby will love me.

Like Edward said earlier, there are worse things.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4. I tweaked it after her, so all mistakes are most def mine. I love you all and thank you for being one of the best parts of 2012 for me. My Twific family is more than I could ever ask for. **

**Happy holidays from the Trouble family to yours. Enjoy your time with family and friends! Probably won't update again until the new year. **

**xoxo,**  
**TF**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I need to do a pre-chapter note, sorry. Two things. One - it's Jo FicFreak's (aka FictionFreak95) birthday tomorrow. This is my gift. Lame, I know, but she loves me, so I hope it will do. Love you, Jo! Happy birthday! Two - the lyrics to the song Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran are in this chapter. I obviously do not claim to own them or be talented enough to write them. Only copy them. Feel free to listen to it on repeat while reading this one...**

* * *

NOW

I learned very early in life that people leave. They can physically leave you or they can emotionally leave you. My mother died when I was eight, on my eighth birthday to be exact. The big number seven was the last birthday I ever celebrated. My dad's heart died right along with my mom, and the shell of a man who remained barely remembered to get out of bed most days. Baking birthday cakes and throwing birthday parties on the anniversary of the worst day of his life wasn't high on his priority list.

It's probably why I was such a pain in the ass growing up. Angry, rebellious. Getting in trouble was pretty much the only thing that got my dad's attention, so I did it. A lot. It didn't make him actually give a shit, though. Luckily, Jasper's mom tried to watch out for me, cooked me a couple meals a week, tried to remind me there were normal parents in the world. Heartless as he was, my dad died from a heart attack four months before my eighteenth birthday.

Somehow I managed to bury my rage and disappointment with him. I don't know how or why. Maybe I realized being pissed off wasn't going to get me anywhere in life and I had to take care of myself because there was truly no one else who would. And I did take care of myself. I worked my ass off day and night so I would never need to need someone again.

Music had always been an escape, but when my dad died, I decided to make it more than that. No one could ever take the music away. I could be anything, do anything, feel anything in a song. I could tell the world to fuck off or I could dream about making love to the most beautiful woman in the world. Music let me be whoever I needed to be. And through the music, I met some amazing people. I have great friends, loyal friends who always have my back.

I didn't think I would ever need anything more than the music and my friends. I taught myself long ago not to need. Until I met Bella. I need her. I've never needed anything or anyone as much as I need her. She understood me. She knew me. We may have been a secret, but when we were together, she loved me with a fierceness that consumed us both. I can't function without her. I _need_ her. I think it's because she needs me. She needed me to save her when we first met and she needs me now.

Bella has a 9AM appointment with Dr. Volturi tomorrow in LA. For some reason, this is not easing my fear. So, much to Renee's dismay, I have resolved to watch Bella like a hawk. She's made it easy on me. Exhausted and on painkillers, my wife fell asleep backstage almost as soon as we got to the venue. Her head rests on a pillow on my lap. I stroke her hair and think about how much has changed in such a short time. Renee glares at me from across the room.

Two weeks ago, Bella wouldn't let me near her. Divorce papers were being forced down my throat. She thought I had played her and her sister against one another. She finally sees that's not true. She knows the things she's been feeling and remembering about us are real. Divorce is finally off the table. She wants me to hold her and touch her. She fucking needs me.

Touching her is all I want to do. I brush my fingers against her cheek. She's warm again. They had brought her fever down some at the hospital, but it's on the rise again. That feeling in my gut returns.

_Why does she have a temperature? _

It's bugging me because this isn't related to the injury, so it's all the more concerning. Is it affecting the memory issues? Did whatever is causing the fever cause the gap she had this morning? I hate thinking we might have to start over again and again.

"I'm not having a hundred babies," Bella mumbles in her sleep, and it stops me cold. She's smiling and my heart is clenching.

That happened. The day she told me she was pregnant. The day we got married. I told her I wanted a hundred babies. In truth, I would father as many as she wanted. I would do anything she wanted. Except give her up.

"I love you," she says clear as a bell. This Bella is asleep, but my Bella is in there. She's still alive and still needs me.

My hand shakes before it rests on her head. "God, I love you too, Baby. Come back to me."

"Everyone get out of here and let her rest," Renee says with all her self-appointed authority. "Out!"

All of Renee's lackeys scatter like bugs under a lifted rock. Bella stirs but doesn't wake.

"Shout all you want. I'm not going anywhere," I say as firmly as I can. Renee and I are caught in an old-fashioned showdown. I can almost hear the music in my head like I'm in one of those westerns. All that's missing is the dusty street, a rolling tumbleweed, and a couple cowboy hats. Our eyes are locked and I'm just waiting for her to draw a gun.

"She's not going to remember you when she wakes up, if that's what you're thinking. She suffered _traumatic brain injury_." Renee emphasizes each word as if I'm brain damaged as well. "She's never going to remember you."

"Who are you really worried about her remembering? Me or herself? We both know pre-accident Bella was ready to kick you to the curb."

Renee flinches. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh really?" I challenge because I'm nothing if not up for a challenge. "You don't think Bella and I had this all worked out? You don't think I listened to her tell me night after night how overbearing you were and how she was beginning to resent everything you did?"

Renee vibrates with anger. "You manipulated her! You're the reason she wanted to push me away! You are the reason she was in that accident in the first place! If you hadn't exploded at that lunch with Alec, if you hadn't been seen with her in public, the press would have been none the wiser. We wouldn't have left Detroit in the middle of the night. The accident never would have happened!"

She thinks she's telling me something I haven't already wanted to kick my own ass over. "And I'm the one suffering for it, aren't I?"

"Go away." Her desperation is almost sad. I could feel sorry for her. She needs Bella. Not the same way I do, but Renee's need is palpable.

"Never."

"She's _not_ going to remember."

"Maybe you should spend more time thinking about what you're going to do when she does."

Renee doesn't reply. She doesn't need to. I know what will happen when Bella remembers. She will send her mother packing and take her life back. Renee will be the one who has to go away. She'll be the one on the outside looking in. Bella will love me like she did and nothing will ever come between us again.

"Stop fighting," Bella says with her eyes still closed. I'm not sure if she's awake or still dreaming. Renee and I exchange a look.

"Awake?" Renee mouths.

I shrug. Bella hasn't opened her eyes or moved even. "I think she's still asleep," I whisper.

"No, I'm not. I'm awake." Bella rubs both eyes with the heels of her hands. "My head hurts. And you two just love arguing with each other, don't you?"

I apologize to Bella (not to Renee) and help her sit up. She looks pale and it makes me more worried. I start to get up and she grabs my arm.

"Don't go," she says, those big eyes doing more pleading than her words.

I try to reassure. "I'm just getting you a water bottle."

Her smile gives away her embarrassment. She never needs to be embarrassed about wanting me to stay. Never. Those two words just stitched up a big hole in my ravaged heart.

"Maybe we should get you cleaned up." Renee butts in. "Edward probably needs to get ready for his show, too."

I snatch a water and plop back down on the couch next to Bella. "I'm not going anywhere." I hand her the water and lean forward to grab her meds off the table in front of us.

"She can't have any more of those. She'll be too drowsy to perform," Renee says, snatching them away from me.

"Bullshit." I fucking hate Renee and her need to dominate everything. "Her head is hurting. Her fever is back. She needs to take something."

"She needs to perform in a couple hours. She needs to be awake."

"Then let's cancel."

"We can't cancel."

"We can do whatever Bella wants to do."

"Bella wants to perform."

"You always act like you speak for her. You don't!"

"Neither do you!"

"Stop!" Bella shouts, silencing both of us. "Just stop it. Can someone give me some Advil or something that isn't going to knock me on my ass? That's all I need."

Renee smiles like she's the victor. I've never wanted to hit a woman until I met her. "Here, I have something." She reaches in her bag of tricks and hands Bella two Tylenol.

Tylenol. As if that's going to fix all of Bella's problems. I'm ready to explode.

Bella swallows down the pills and caps up her water. "I'd like to be alone with Edward."

I'm not sure who's more surprised, me or Renee. "I don't think that's a good idea," Renee tries.

Bella's head is in her hands. She doesn't even look at her mother. "I don't really care what you think, Mother. Just go."

"But-"

"Go!" Bella shouts, pointing at the door. I resist the urge to rise and give my wife a standing ovation, but I sit back and throw my arm behind Bella. My smirk does a good enough job of making Renee ragey.

"I'll go check and see when Alec plans on getting here. He's going to want some time with you before the show. Maybe while Edward is performing." It's her weak attempt to bait me. But she's leaving and I'm staying. I'm not going to worry about Alec. Yet.

Renee leaves and Bella sinks back, resting her head on my shoulder. "I hope you aren't sticking around just to fight with my mother. Sometimes I wonder."

I let out a breath that sounds like a laugh. "She wishes."

"Did you kiss my stomach when you heard I was pregnant?"

"Do you remember that?"

"I think so."

"I did. I had to show you I was excited about the baby. You thought I was leaving you, but I was trying to get dressed so I could get us a marriage license."

"I kind of remember that, feeling like you were leaving," she admits.

I want to cry. I'm a fucking grown man who wants to cry for joy because my girl remembers thinking I was going to walk out on her and our baby. She remembers.

I sit up and hold her face in my hands so she looks at me. "I would never leave you. I _will _never leave you."

She leans into me and our lips collide. My hand wraps around the back of her too warm neck. Her fever is not good but her mouth is. I could kiss her forever if she'd let me.

"I love kissing you," she says between kisses. She climbs on my lap and wraps herself around me. "Did we kiss the first day we met?"

I place a few kisses along her too hot throat. She shouldn't be this feverish even though she's setting me on fire. "We did. We kissed a lot the day we met."

"Under the stage?"

I stop and stare up at her. "Do you remember that?"

"Sort of. It's mixed up with Rosalie saying she was going to make you fall in love with her. So it's confusing since you and Rose ..."

"Me and Rose nothing. There was no me and Rose. Don't you remember that at all?"

Bella closes her eyes and puts a hand on her forehead. "My head hurts."

"Let's cancel this show. Let's go back to the hospital. I really think we should have those tests run tonight."

She gets off my lap and the absence of her touch is felt immediately deep in the center of my chest. "I know you think my mom is crazy, but she's right. There are a lot of people who depend on me, Edward. People who depend on this tour. My accident affected the livelihoods of a lot of people. I can't call in sick every time my head hurts."

I'm on my feet and holding her in my arms because I feel like I'm going to lose her. She's putting herself at risk and my heart can't take anymore. "If you aren't well, you aren't well. Everyone will understand. Shit happens. People get other jobs. You do not have to carry the weight of it all. Everyone on this tour wants you to take care of yourself first and foremost. Don't you know that?"

"I'm fine. I always have a headache. Maybe I caught some virus that's making me feverish. We'll do the show tonight and tomorrow I'll get the tests. It's probably nothing."

"And if it's not nothing? If you do the show and something happens to you, how am I supposed to deal with that? What about everyone's livelihood then?"

She squeezes me tighter. "Were you always this overprotective?"

I'm not amused. "Bella …"

"Edward." Her tone scolds me. "Kiss me. Don't worry and just kiss me. I need you to kiss me. It helps me remember."

She's so fucking stubborn. I want to strangle her, but I kiss her instead. Six months of not be able to kiss her has been torture. I want her to remember everything so badly. It seems to be coming back. Little bits here and there. It's like a giant jigsaw puzzle. She's got all the pieces, she needs help putting them together in a meaningful way. If kissing helps, then that's what we'll do.

We don't stop kissing until I have to go on stage. Leah shakes her head and laughs at me when I join them in our dressing room.

"Holy shit, Batman," she starts in. "You gonna be able to sing with lips that swollen?"

"Bite me, Little Drummer Girl."

"No seriously, you trying to look like Mick Jagger? Because you are much too pretty even with those puffy lips."

I flick her off and Jasper takes over. "He's more a Steven Tyler wannabe. He used to sing Dream On in the shower." He proceeds to massacre the high notes in the chorus of said song. Brady and Leah fall into a fit of laughter.

I shake my head. "Why did I even come in here?"

"I guess Bella's feeling better?" Jasper asks a little more seriously.

"She's able to stand upright, but I'm not sure I would say she's feeling any better. I don't know how she's going to get through this show."

Jasper gives me a sympathetic look. "She's tough."

Tough enough, I hope. We take the stage and do our thing. I'm not as good as I should be. My mind is elsewhere, backstage with my wife, wondering how she's doing now that I'm not looking out for her. We finish and I head back to Bella's dressing room instead of the showers.

Felix doesn't bother to stop me as I reach for the doorknob. Bella has given me access to her unconditionally regardless of what Renee has to say about it. I push the door in only to be greeted by Alec.

"Cullen."

"Asshole."

"I see some things never change, do they?" His smile makes my stomach churn and my hands clench into fists. I should have punched him that day in Detroit.

I'm done with our small talk and shove past him. Bella is all made up and Irina is putting the final touches on her hair.

"Hey," she says when she sees me in the mirror.

"How's the headache?"

She shakes her head at me like I'm ridiculous for asking. "It's fine," she lies. I know she's lying because I can see the tension. I hate that she thinks her pain is necessary.

"Did you cut a couple songs from the set?" We talked about this before the show. It was my one brilliant idea she didn't shoot down immediately.

"Two. But I want to add one." She's smiling like the cat who caught the canary.

"What?"

"I want you to sing with me."

"Sing what with you?"

"I bet you'll think of something." She winks and that damn twinkle in her eye is all too familiar.

I don't dare hope for too much. I have to be careful because I don't want to mistake this Bella for the old one too soon. I don't want to scare her away by freaking out over something I might only be imagining is true. "I'm not sure I can come up with something with no notice."

She turns in her chair and waves me closer. She pulls me down so she can whisper in my ear. "Kiss me."

My heart skips a beat. I look at her to see if I'm reading this all wrong or not. "Do you remember that?"

She says nothing, but tugs me down again so our lips connect. Then she tells me to go take a shower so I don't stink up her stage.

I leave feeling confused but excited. Kiss Me. The song we wrote together was called Kiss Me. But she'd been telling me to kiss her all night. Maybe I misunderstood. There was only one way to find out.

I watch Bella's show from the sideline, trying to stay out of the crew's way as they hand off different instruments to the band and move some props around. About halfway through, Bella asks the light tech to give her a spotlight. Then I hear her say, "Did you all enjoy Edward Cullen this evening?"

The crowd screams a little louder than the constant noise they seem to make when she's onstage.

"He's pretty cute, isn't he girls?" This wins her a nice loud response. "What do you say we bring him back out here? Would you guys mind if he joins me for a song?" The whole place erupts. Apparently they like this idea.

I head out with my acoustic guitar in hand and pray I'm not about to sing alone. The crowd's cheers fill my ears and all I can think is it's too loud for Bella. Her head has to be killing her.

"Oh my, he's more than cute close up, ladies." Bella fans herself and makes everyone scream again. I feel like I'm dreaming. This is the moment I've been waiting for for almost a year. This was what was supposed to happen in Cincinnati.

She's flirting with me in front of thousands of people. Thousands of people who have their phones out and are recording every second of our exchange. Thousands of people who will go home and upload it to their Twitter and their Facebook. Soon, everyone with a computer or a smartphone will be retweeting and reblogging and sharing the link. The world will know Isabella Swan doesn't dislike her husband as much as they've been led to believe by Renee's PR people.

"You aren't so bad yourself," I say into the mic, earning me my own howls of approval.

"Oh, Mr. Cullen, aren't you a charmer?" Bella gives me a wink and then turns to the crowd. "I think that's why I married him. Well, that and he's an excellent kisser." The crowd goes wild at this little tidbit she's chosen to share. She looks back at me. "You ready?"

I nod, fascinated with this version of the girl I love. I start the song, strumming the guitar like I had once taught her. She watches me with those eyes. Eyes so full of everything I want her to say. I sing to her, hoping her heart remembers we put these words on paper together.

"Settle down with me. Cover me up. Cuddle me in." I smile at that line. She wanted the word cuddle in there and I couldn't refuse her. "Lie down with me and hold me in your arms."

The crowd fades from my mind and Bella is all I see. I remember her, sitting cross-legged on the bed, writing lines to this song with me. I remember her giggles when something didn't fit right and her smile when we came up with something magical.

"Your heart's against my chest. Your lips pressed to my neck. I've fallen for your eyes, but they don't know me yet. With this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now."

The words hit so close to home I almost stop. I never realized how much the lyrics fit us now and then. It was like she knew she'd forget and this song would be what could remind her.

That's when Bella steps up to the mic and sings the chorus with me. "Kiss me like you wanna be loved, you wanna be loved, you wanna be loved. This feels like falling in love. Falling in love. Falling in love."

She fucking remembers and I'm not sure how I'm still standing. I want to throw my guitar down and pick her up in my arms, but I keep singing. "Settle down with me and I'll be your safety and you'll be my lady." She smiles and it takes everything not to stop. "I was made to keep your body warm."

Bella takes over just like she's supposed to. "But I'm cold as the wind blows, so hold me in your arms. My heart's against your chest. Your lips pressed to my neck. I've fallen for your eyes, but they don't know me yet. I have this feeling I'll forget I'm in love now."

We sing together as the tears fill both of our eyes. "Kiss me like you wanna be loved. You wanna be loved. You wanna be loved. This feels like falling in love. Falling in love. Falling in love."

Tears fall down my face and hers. It's good I just have to play and not sing for a few seconds because I'm so choked up, nothing could come out if I tried. She fucking remembers. She remembers the song, our song. I wait to see if she keeps going and she does.

"I've been feeling everything from hate to love from love to lust from lust to truth. I guess that's how I know you. So I hold you … close … to help you give it up."

I jump back in with her. "So kiss me like you wanna be loved. You wanna be loved. You wanna be loved. This feels like falling in love. Falling in love. I'm falling in love."

I let go of the guitar and grab her face, kissing her with every ounce of love I hold in my heart. She kisses me back, and everything inside me relaxes. _She remembers. _

Our PDA has worked the crowd into a frenzy. The screaming hits decibel levels that cannot be safe for any of the people in this place.

"I love you so fucking much," I try to shout in her good ear.

Her smile is glorious. She wraps her too skinny arms around my neck and puts her lips to my ear. "I love you. I remember loving you."

She remembers. She remembers more than I realized. This has just gone from best to worst to best day since the accident. This is the day I have been dreaming about. This is the day I get my wife back.

She kisses me one more time before collapsing lifelessly in my arms.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight**

**Thanks to momof4 for her help and eagle eye. **

**Um, hopefully Jo still loves me. One more time - Happy birthday, JO! Go read her new story, Stay. It's got a CEOward and a kickass Bella. You won't be disappointed. **

**Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2013 is good to all of you. **

**Now and Then won second place in the RobAttack's Best of 2012 WIP Recs. Thank you to everyone who voted for it! **

**Oh and there's this AMAZING duet of that song by a guy and girl, who sing it just like I imagined Bella and Edward singing it in this chapter. Go here - /aUnGNLVZPzU**


	14. Chapter 14

**THEN**

"Anyone have Queen Ravenna on their bus?" Peter asks over the radio.

"Ravenna?"

"She's not evil. She's just …" I sigh, not knowing why I'm defending her.

I look at Peter and his mustache like my dad's. My dad was so laidback and easy going. He wore way too much flannel and told bad jokes because they made my mom laugh. Every year on their anniversary, he wrote a letter to her instead of getting her a card. She never let Rose and I read them, but I know she still has them and reads them every year on their anniversary with a box of Kleenex at her side. He loved her like no one else ever will. I know how that feels. I know what it's like to be loved so completely that the world would cease to exist without it. If Edward died …

"She's not evil. She's lost."

Another driver on another bus replies he has the royal cargo. "Guess she's not so lost anymore," Peter says before replying he's ready to head out then.

"_Hold up,"_ another bus driver says over the radio. _"Mirror, Mirror wants to join Snow White."_

"Mirror, mirror?"

Peter pretends to flip imaginary hair over his shoulder while looking at himself in the rearview mirror. "Come on, who loves to look at herself in the mirror?"

_My sister, of course._ I can't help but laugh. "She'd love that nickname."

Peter opens the door when Rose raps on it. I don't even say anything, I just attack her with a hug and cry on her shoulder. And I know I'm forgiven because she lets me.

* * *

Rose and I lay in the bed in the back of the bus. She'd filled me in on how Emmett talked her off the ledge and made her realize that it's time she start being Rosalie Swan and not Isabella Swan's sister. He also helped her realize the music business was not the place for her to do that. He told her she needs to make a name for herself somewhere I won't follow.

"Emmett sounds pretty smart … for a football player."

Rosalie almost shoves me off the bed and we giggle as I almost pull her off with me. She saves us both. She always does.

"He's really smart. And hot. And he cares about me." She has that look on her face, the one she never gets when she talks about boys. This is the real thing.

"So if you aren't going to be a singer like me, what are you going to do, sister dear?"

She sighs and stretches her arms above her head. "I don't know. I think I'm going to go back to school. I kind of want to learn how to write children's books."

I roll over on my side and prop my head up on my hand, scrunching my nose. "What? Children's books?" Never in our entire lives has she ever shown any interest in writing nonetheless writing books for children.

"You don't know everything about me, _sister dear._ I have dreams I've kept to myself because I didn't want anyone to look at me like you're looking at me right now, like I'm an idiot for thinking I could do that."

I roll on top of her and give her a hug. I roll back on my side, facing her. "I'm not looking at you like you're an idiot. That was my surprised look. I'm surprised. I didn't know you liked to write."

"Dad loved to tell stories." Rosalie rolls to her side so we're nose to nose, a perfectly imperfect reflection of one another. Her blonde to my brunette. Her blue eyes to my brown. "Remember when he used to make up our bedtime stories instead of reading the books like Mom?"

I did remember. Dad would lay in between our two twin beds on the pile of pillows and stuffed animals we couldn't sleep with. He'd make up wild stories about giraffes who wanted to fly and two princesses who slayed the dragon without the help of any smelly knights. "I'll never forget."

"He was creative. I think I might be too. I want to try."

I push some of her pretty blonde hair from her face. I feel really proud of my sister. She's stepping up to the plate. She's taking care of herself. "You should. I want you to. I bet you'll be amazing."

"I was thinking the first book should be The Adventures of Teddy Eddie. It'll be about this ridiculously adorable bear with horrific anger management issues."

We both giggled like the children we used to be. "Oh, Edward will love that."

"So what did you tell Mom about first? Edward, the baby, or Alice Brandon?"

"I made the mistake of telling her about Alice first. Never got to the Edward and baby part."

"Bell! She walked out on you and doesn't even know the half of it?"

"Once I said, 'You're fired,' she wasn't really in the mood to hear anything else I had to say."

"Honey." Rose looks at me like I fail the mission. "I thought the worst was over, but you've barely begun!"

"I suspect she's got the Edward part almost figured out. I mean, she thinks he's been cheating on you with me. But she's pretty clear about him and I being together."

"Well, at least we'll have our men there to console us when we tell her the rest."

"Oh shit!" I pull my phone out of my back pocket and text Edward. I totally forgot to let him know I was okay. I wasn't, until Rosalie came aboard.

**Fired my mom but found my sister. In the middle of making up. See you when we get to Cincinnati.**

He replies almost immediately. **Tell Rose I said welcome back. Tell Renee it's all going to be OK. If she's nice to me, I'll let her see her grandbaby.**

I squeeze my eyes shut and curse under my breath. He thinks I told my mom everything. My phone beeps.

**KIDDING**

He makes me laugh when I need it most. "I have to call him. He's confused," I explain to Rose.

"Shocking."

I scowl at her and dial Edward. He picks up on the first ring. "I would never keep our baby from his or her only grandparent. That was terrible of me to say. I am so sorry."

"I didn't tell her about the baby yet. She took off as soon as I told her she was fired."

He's silent on the other end. I can imagine the look on his face. He wanted this to be over and even though it pretty much is, it isn't.

"I will tell her," I assure him. "As soon as I can get her in the same room. I swear."

"I've been sitting here, thinking she's giving you a hundred and ten reasons to get an annulment and she doesn't even know about that either, does she?"

"I wanted to tell her as much as you wanted me to tell her, but she walked out. What was I supposed to do?"

"Whatever." He's tired and angry. Not a good combination. "Nothing."

"Don't be like that."

"Like what? Disappointed? Frustrated? Sorry, Bella. It pisses me off. You know I can't stand it anymore."

I roll away from Rosalie as if that will help exclude her from this conversation. She's already asking me to hand over my phone. "Well, I'm sorry that dealing with my family is so complicated. Sorry I can't handle this exactly like you want. I'm trying. Sorry it's not good enough."

"Hey, don't make me the bad guy in this!"

"No, I have to be the bad guy, Edward. I'm the one who had to break my mom's heart tonight. I'm the one who has to tell her about my lies and hope she wants anything to do with me after that. I'm the only bad guy obviously." I swipe at the tears sliding down my face and over my nose as I lay on my side.

"Dammit, Bella," Edward says in a sigh.

"Give me the phone," Rose demands from behind me. She wrestles it away. "Listen here, Edward Cullen, our mother might be a bitch, but she's our bitch. You're getting what you want. What does it matter if it happens tonight or tomorrow morning?"

"Rose!" I chase her around the very tight quarters to get my phone back.

"She's pregnant and exhausted and scared and in love with you. What more do you need?"

"Rose, please!" I tackle her on the bed.

"Tell her that, asshole. That's all she needs to hear."

I grab my phone away and begin to apologize.

"Stop. I'm sorry. I shouldn't make you feel bad. I know this is hard on you. I fucking love you. I will wait for you forever, okay? Forever."

This time he makes me cry for a completely different reason. I fucking love him too. "You won't have to wait forever."

"I know, baby. I know. I'm an impatient asshole and you are going to be the mother of my children. I think we know who's getting the better deal here."

He must know how ludicrous that sounds. "You are greatest thing that ever happened to me."

"That's my line."

"I'll see you in a few hours."

"Too long. Impatient asshole, remember?" he jokes.

A few hours does suddenly seem like a million years. I want to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. "I love you."

"I love you both. And I don't mean you and Rose."

I laugh and say goodbye. I feel like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last few months. The ride is almost over, though. Once the truth is out, we'll all be okay. Even my mom.

I lay back down with Rose, who agrees to stop calling my husband mean names.

"I can't believe I missed your Donald Trump moment," she says, tugging on a lock of my hair.

"It wasn't as great as I hoped it would be."

Rose twines her fingers with mine. "I should have been here with you. I'll be here when you tell her about Edward and the baby. I promise."

"Thanks. Considering how badly the firing went, I can't imagine the whole I'm married and with child reveal will go much better."

"She loves you. She just doesn't know what she's doing anymore."

"I think she misses Dad."

"We all do."

"Yeah, but it's not the same." I get it now. I understand what it's like to be in love with someone.

"It's been years. You can't blame her bad moods on Dad."

"I'm not blaming Dad, but I do think Dad's death screwed everything up. You find the love of your life, get married, and have kids. You love your kids, but they grow up, they go away. They find their own love of their lives and have their own families. But the love of your life is still there, to grow old with. She was supposed to have Dad. He's gone, so she won't let us go. Otherwise, she'll be alone. I think that scares her more than anything."

"I think you're right," Rose concedes. "I feel bad for her. Wow, you must feel like a real jerk for firing her."

I let go of her hand and shove my sister's shoulder. "Firing her is the best way to get her to move on. We all need to move on."

A smile plays at Rosalie's lips as her hand touches my belly. "We do, Little Mama."

My twin and I talk about babies and books, love and careers, how to be a good mom and how important dads are until we fall fast asleep. I love my sister and she loves me.

That's the last thing I remember.

.

.

.

.

My head hurts. It hurts so bad. I can't even open my eyes. They have never felt so heavy, almost like they're sewn shut. I want to scream out but no sound escapes my lips.

"I think she's in pain. Can you do something for her pain?" There's a man near. His voice is filled with concern and so much sadness that makes my chest hurt. "Please," he begs. And before long the world goes black again.

.

.

.

.

Darkness is my friend. In the darkness, it doesn't hurt so much. I'm numb and it feels like I'm floating in space. I have no idea how much time passes. Time doesn't exist in the darkness. There is no beginning or end, there just is.

When I sense the bed under my body and see the glow of light on the other side of my eyelids, I feel the pain. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, it hurts to be still. It's in my head and in my ribs. My leg hurts and my arm hurts. Everything feels so heavy. It's like there is no way I could float. Not even in water. I'd sink like a rock. Until _he _tells them I'm in pain and the darkness makes it all go away. _He _always knows. _ He_ always takes care of me.

.

.

.

.

My mouth is so dry and, for the first time in forever, I want to open my eyes. _He _is reading to me. His voice low and melodic, almost like he's singing. _He_ has a beautiful voice. It never fails to calm me. I've wondered if I'm alive or dead. If he's real or some kind of angel. Sometimes I'm sure he's an angel. I bet he's beautiful. I wonder if I can't open my eyes because he's too much for my human eyes to handle. The darkness takes over before I can test my theory.

.

.

.

.

"You never leave. She's my daughter. I want some time with her without you here."

"I'm not leaving until she wakes up."

"I'm sure you have other women out there waiting for your attention. You can leave me and my daughter alone."

Why is my mother arguing with _him_? I don't think it's very smart to argue with an angel. They probably don't like that. Plus, I don't want him to go. He watches out for me.

"There is no one but Bella. How many times do we have to go over this?"

They sound like they're underwater. Their voices aren't as clear as I'd like.

"Just go."

"Don't go," I try to say. I try to say it loud, but it barely comes out a whisper. I'm not even sure I said those words. It was more of a grunt. My body doesn't do what I tell it anymore. My eyes won't open, my mouth won't work, my head won't stop hurting.

"Bella?" _He_ sounds so happy.

"Isabella? Baby?" So does Mom. "Someone get the nurse."

I try to open my eyes, but it's so hard. Marathon running would be easier. Climbing Mt. Everest would be simpler. Finally, my lids do what I ask and flutter a bit. The lights sting a little; it takes me a minute to adjust.

But then I see Mom. She got tears in her eyes. "Baby, can you hear me?"

"Mom." My voice sounds weird. Like it's not mine.

"Bella." _He _sounds overwhelmed and overjoyed at the same time. I turn my head so I can see him, he stands on the other side of the bed from Mom.

He's more beautiful than I imagined. A coppery halo of hair surrounds his head. I pictured him a clean shaven angel, but he's got scruff on top of scruff. It still looks good on him. His jaw clenches. It's a nice jaw under that beard, I bet. His lips are perfect and pink. His nose is a little crooked, but it gives him character. But it's his eyes that do it for me. His eyes look at me like they know me. They're green like the trees back home. That's what they make me think of - _home. _

I can't wait to find out who he is. Maybe Rosalie knows. She always knows the cute ones.

"Rose?" I manage. I'm not sure they understand. Mom looks at the angel and the angel looks back. They have some kind of silent conversation until he shakes his head.

Mom went from teary-eyed happy to teary-eyed sad instantly. "Baby, there was an accident. You two were in a terrible accident. You were hurt very badly."

I figured that much. I hurt. I hurt everywhere.

"Rose?" I just want my sister. She says silly things and makes me smile. I also want her to tell me this angel guy is for real.

"Honey, Rosalie …" Mom is wiping the trail of tears running down her face when the nurse comes in, interrupting us. She starts poking at me. She messes with the things attached to me and looks at the monitors to which I didn't realize I was connected. Then she starts asking me all these questions. They make my head hurt more.

Do I know who I am?

Do I know _where_ I am?

Do I know what year it is?

Do I know my birthday?

I'm Bella Swan, but I can't make my mouth say that. It just sounds like I'm saying the letter B. I have no idea where I am. I should know what year it is but nothing is coming to me. Same thing happens when I try to think of my birthday. September. September something. My mouth won't work right, though.

"Rose?" It's the only word that sounds like I want it to. "Rose."

Mom and the angel have their heads together and I think they're arguing again. Why is she fighting with him so much? Maybe he's my doctor. He's a good doctor. I try to remember where I was and how I got hurt, but nothing makes any sense. I can't remember what I was doing before I woke up here. We were in a terrible accident. _We. _Rose and I. It starts to get hard to breathe. The breaths come too fast and my chest aches.

"Rose," I say, trying to get Mom's attention. _Oh God, where is Rose?_ The machines start to beep and the nurse puts a mask over my nose and mouth.

"Relax, Miss Swan. Relax. Slow it down. Breathe in. Breathe out."

I shake my head. "Rose." I try to lift my arm, try to swat the mask off my face. My eyes start to fill with watery fear. "Rose!"

Mom and the angel come to my side. "Please, Bella. Please calm down," the angel says.

I think he took Rose. I think he took her and he wants to take me. That's why Mom is fighting him. I'm dying. I can't breathe.

The nurse leaves and comes back. She injects something into the tube attached to my arm. I must be dying. I know what this pain in my heart means. I know what's wrong. My eyelids are heavy again. I can't keep them open. I close them and push the tears out. The darkness is coming.

My sister is dead.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4 for her eyes and her ears. She is wise, wise, wise. **

**Sorry to all of you who were hoping Rosalie was just a raging bitch like her mom, especially my dear bellalove72! Unfortunately, she is not. Almost done here. Only one or two more. Then an epi. Thanks for all your love and support. Thanks for reading and reviewing and brightening my day. I really mean it. **

**And to Rosalie and Memphis Lamb's Fighting Irish - RIP. **

**xoxo,**  
**TF**


	15. Chapter 15

**NOW**

I hate hospitals. No, that's not right. I _despise_ them. But I refuse to leave, and surprisingly Renee hasn't asked me to. She didn't even pull the "I have power of attorney and power over all medical decisions" card. She has left me alone. So we both sit in the ER, waiting.

I catch her looking at me every so often. Not like she used to, like I was no better than the dirt under her feet. She looks at me like she's trying to solve a puzzle. Maybe I'm that puzzle. Maybe I don't care what she thinks. My anxiety causes my leg to bounce. It's probably bothering her. I definitely don't care.

"She loves you."

I look up because she can't possibly be talking to me. She stares down at her hands and spins the gold band on her left ring finger.

"Almost as much as I love her," I choke out. The words so true they cling to my skin after I let them out.

Her eyes find mine again. "I could see that. Tonight on stage."

I'm too shocked to speak. My sarcasm threatens to take over as my defenses don't know what else to do with what she's saying. I press my lips together. No reason to start something that would only make her kick me out.

"Did you write that song?" She leans forward and continues to stare. It seems like she genuinely wants to know.

"We wrote it together." The thought of Bella not remembering again creeps up and threatens to tear me apart. "Before the accident."

"She remembered," she says, sadly resigned.

I nod and swallow down the fucking lump that's been lodge in my throat since Bella started singing with me on stage. We sit engulfed in another long stretch of silence.

"It was there before the accident." Renee says. "I didn't want to believe it."

"I've loved your daughter since the first day I met her. I don't know what more I can do to prove it to you, but I'm never giving up because I love her too much."

"Of course you love her. Everybody does. It was never your love I questioned."

That's news to me. All she's done since she learned about my relationship with Bella is question my motives and sincerity. I bite my lip before my sarcasm ruins the moment we're having.

"She's all I got in this whole damn world and I put her in here." Renee starts to break down. "I've been trying so hard to prove I'm indispensable. Make her need me again." She shakes her head. "But I screwed up. I screwed it all up."

I don't know how to respond. She did fuck it up. Her over-controlling, manic way of handling everything put Bella in the fucking hospital _again_. A tired-looking nurse with a messy ponytail appears before I can let Renee have it.

"Mrs. Swan? Mr. Cullen? We're ready for you to come back."

We follow the nurse through hallways and up an elevator, down another hallway toward a room that holds the only living person Renee Swan and I both love.

"The doctor will be coming to talk to you in a minute. You can wait here," the nurse says directing us to yet another waiting area.

"Is Bella okay?" I ask.

She gives me a weary smile. "The doctor will be along any minute with your update."

_Why does that make me think the answer is no? _ I fall into one of the chairs and resume the torture of waiting. It's after midnight. Twenty-four hours ago, I was making love to my wife, connected to her in a way I feared we would never be again. I don't know how I am going to deal with starting over again if she doesn't remember when she wakes up. I'm so exhausted, physically and emotionally. I am so tired of being the only one who knows she and I are supposed to be together.

"She doesn't really care if RCA re-signs her or not," Renee says. I'm not sure if she's talking to me or herself. "She'd be happy singing in front of ten people as she would be in front of ten thousand."

"Then why have you been riding her ass so much?" I have to ask because it bugs me. It bugs me more than anything. Bella should never have been on this tour. She should have taken a year off, maybe two. She should have been given time to recover, to get strong, to _remember._

Something that looks almost like guilt comes over Renee. "I wanted to get this tour over and get away from you. I thought the sooner we got done with this, the quicker we could move on."

"You can't get rid of me."

"Apparently."

I laugh because I don't think she means it in a nasty way. "I never wanted to be your enemy. I'm not competing for Bella. We can both love her."

"You wanted her to get rid of me."

"I'll admit I wanted her to fire you because I thought you were a bitch. But she fired you because she loves you and wants you to be her mom. I know you probably don't believe me, but it was never her intention to have nothing to do with you."

"I'm a terrible mother." Renee's fingers comb through her hair. She slouches in her chair, so unlike the uppity priss she always is around me. There's something different about her tonight. She's not the same woman who fought to get Bella out of here earlier today.

"When did her career become more important to you than she did?"

"Never!" she asserts, but I shake my head.

"You're either lying to me or yourself. Because at some point, you let the desire to make her Isabella Swan the Pop Star override your instincts to protect Bella Swan Your Daughter from the business."

She doesn't say anything as the accusation fills the space between us. I'm right and she knows it. She's coming to her senses, but she's not ready to concede to me just yet. The doctor approaches and I stand up, unable to sit still for this news.

He introduces himself to both of us. He makes it clear that it was extremely unwise of Bella to go AMA earlier today. I prepare myself for the worst. Her brain injury has somehow created a new problem, I'm sure of it. He rattles off her ailments.

Dehydration, exhaustion, anemia. All not surprising.

Ear infection. This was the reason for the fever and partly to blame for the excessive pain she's been experiencing.

These are all things I can handle. These are all things a little R&R and some antibiotics can fix. These can't be her only issues.

"And?" I ask, prepared and resigned to hear the horror that awaits us.

"That's it," he says with a shrug. "Her CT came back fine. I believe the migraine and the fever mixed with the extreme noise and bright lights resulted in her loss of consciousness."

That's it. I can't believe it. I seriously cannot believe that's all there is.

"What about the memory loss this morning?"

"Probably due to a combination of stress and fever. I'm not an expert on Miss Swan's brain injury, but I can tell you that TBI is something she is going to be living with the rest of her life. Her recovery is going to be measured in years not months. I have to believe someone talked to you about this and the things she really should avoid when she suffered the injury."

They did. Renee knew all of this and still pushed Bella to go on tour. She gets it now but at what cost?

"How is she? Can I see her?" Renee asks, but screw her if she thinks I'm letting her anywhere near Bella. I plan on fighting to get all my rights as her husband returned to me. Renee has proven that she is incapable of making good and safe decisions. She has put my wife's health in danger for the last time.

"She's sleeping," the doctor says, "and I suggest you both leave until visiting hours tomorrow at ten. If there's anything that girl needs, it's a good night's sleep."

Arms crossed, I make my stand. "I'm not leaving."

Renee sighs. "Of course you're not."

"You put her here, Renee. Throw your fucking rights in my face and I swear to God I will take you down."

A spark of the Renee I know and hate flashes in her eyes but quickly extinguishes. She looks to the doctor for a bit more information. "Did she regain consciousness? Did she ask for her sister?"

"She was conscious once we got her up here. She could identify herself and where she was. She knew the year and month but not the day. Didn't ask about her sister. More than anything, she wanted to make sure Mr. Cullen would be informed about how she was doing."

She remembers. She still remembers. The two ton weight of fear and insecurity lifts off my chest and I'm able to take a real deep breath. She hasn't forgotten me.

"I'm staying," I reiterate. Renee is not. She agrees to go back to the hotel and wait until the morning to see Bella. She knows I am the one Bella will be asking for when she wakes. The doctor points me in the right direction and gives me the room number. I slip in the room and take in the sight of my broken angel.

It's not nearly as bad as the very first time I had to see her like this. Back then, she was bandaged, bruised, and almost unrecognizable. She was hooked up to machines that hummed and beeped, monitoring her heart and who knows what else. They made sure she kept breathing while her brain rested and healed.

Tonight, she's hooked up to a simple IV and looks as beautiful as ever. She has an ear infection. I'd laugh out loud if I wasn't so afraid of waking her. A fucking ear infection knocked her out. She isn't dying. This isn't the beginning of another nightmare. I am going to take my wife home as soon as they'll let me, and I am going to pamper the hell out of her. She's going to be so relaxed, she isn't going to know what the word stress even means anymore. Maybe I'll forget too.

Sleeping sitting up has never been so easy …

"No, no. It's for him not me. Don't wake him, please," Bella whispers as someone gently drapes a fuzzy blanket over me. "Thank you so much."

I want to open my eyes and see my sweet wife, but I can tell she'd be disappointed if she thought she had allowed me to be disturbed. I fake sleep while I listen to the nurse and Bella share information in hushed voices. Her pain is only a four. Her temperature is normal. Breakfast will be here soon. No, she cannot order me something. If I'm hungry when I wake up, I have to get it myself.

I almost smile and ruin everything. We're going to take good care of one another when we get out of here. I don't doubt it for a second.

The nurse leaves and the room goes silent for a minute or so. I contemplate opening my eyes, wondering how long I should pretend so she doesn't know she woke me. I hear the low hum of her hospital bed as she changes it's incline. She moves and pats her pillow, trying to find her comfort zone. I wait another minute after the silence resumes, the anticipation of seeing her nearly kills me.

She coughs, and I'm thwarted again.

I wait two minutes … maybe … at least I count to 120, shift, and roll my stiff neck. Time to wake up. I open one eye slowly only to find her lying on her side, facing me. She's staring, taking me all in.

I stare back. "Hi."

"Hi," she says with a smile that warms me better than any blanket ever could. Her hands are tucked under her cheek. "You sleep like the dead. I would've been up all night if I had to sleep in that chair."

I stretch and try to find some relief in the cracks and pops of my joints. "I've slept in worse places." I offer her my own smile. "How are you?"

"Tired."

"How's the head?"

She doesn't move except for the slow fluttering of her eyes. "It's fine. It doesn't hurt as bad as it usually does in the morning."

"Hospitals always have the best drugs."

Her eyes close for a couple seconds and then open. "Yeah they do."

"You scared me," I admit, ruining the lightness of the moment. "You sang with me and I thought I was going to die. Then you passed out and made me think you were going to die. That's so not cool, baby."

Bella keeps it from getting too heavy. "Sorry 'bout that, Teddy Eddie."

I lean forward, my elbows on my knees, stretching my back out. "Don't you start with that. I should never have told you she called me that."

"I remember. I remember Rose calling you that on our wedding day."

My heart stops for a second and I choke out a laugh. "You remember our wedding day?"

"I remember some of it. It's like our love story is written on swiss cheese. I can make out some parts but not all. It's better than nothing, though."

Better than nothing is an understatement. "Tell me something else you remember."

"Umm." She closes her eyes and thinks. When she opens them, she's got some more for me. "I remember making out at the Playboy Mansion on Grammy night. I remember making out under the stage. I remember making out on the bus. I remember making out in lots of different hotel beds."

I'm laughing again. It feels so damn good to laugh with her. "So basically you remember kissing me. That's it?"

"You are the best kisser on the planet. Kinda unforgettable."

_Ah, but there was a time._ But I don't mention it. "My kissing skills are exemplary. Good to know."

"You are so good at kissing I passed out last night."

"Oh, it's my fault you passed out, huh? Is that what you took away from your chat with the doctor last night?"

Her smile widens as her blinking slows. "You are ... _that _good."

"Just so we're perfectly clear, I will be taking you home when they okay you to leave here. This tour is officially over." I'm going to show her exactly how good I am at kissing. Every single fucking day of the rest of our lives.

"I won't fight you." Her eyelids droop, her need for rest overtaking her. "I can't do this anymore."

"Good."

Bella's eyes close and just when I think she's asleep she says, "I'm going to fire my mom today, so be nice to her."

I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face. She'd never believe me if I told her I was nic_er_ to her mom last night. "I don't think she's going to be too surprised. She knows you remember what happened before the accident. She knows you fired her."

Bella's eyes pop all the way open. "I fired her?"

"You don't remember that part?"

"Swiss cheese remember?" She rolls over on her back and tugs on her hair. "When did I fire her?"

Wishful thinking that she'd remember what happened the night of the accident. That stuff is probably gone for good. "The same night as the bus accident. That's why she wasn't on the bus with you and Rose. You fired her and she stormed off."

She turns her head in my direction. I don't think I'm helping with the stress reduction plan we have going on here. "Seriously? She knew and didn't -" Bella stops and stares back up at the ceiling.

"Let's be honest here. Your mom doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. She wants you to need her and it scares the shit out of her to think you don't. It makes her do things she shouldn't. But the reality is she does it because it's her fucked up way of loving you. If anyone can understand how crazy loving you can make a person, it's me."

Bella pats her cheeks with her hands. "Can you get the nurse in here?"

I'm on my feet, ready to run for the door. "What's the matter? Your head?"

Bella drags her hands down her face. "I think I just heard you empathize with my mother. I must be hallucinating."

I stop moving toward the exit and glare at her. She can't mess with me like that, but her smile makes me want to jump in bed with her and live up to my Best Kisser title. "Killing me, woman. You are _killing_ me." I sit back down as she laughs at me.

"Well, what do you expect from me when you don't jump at the chance to tell me I should kick her to the curb?"

"Oh, I still think you should fire her. I just get that she wants to be important to you."

Bella takes a deep breath and rolls back on her side. "It's times like these I miss Rose the most. She knew how to handle Mom better than I do."

"You're doing just fine." Now. _Finally._

She shakes her head. "I miss Rose so much."

I scootch my chair closer to the bed so I can touch her. I will never go another day without touching her. I cup her cheek with my hand. "She was crazy, but she was a good sister. She loved the hell out of you."

Bella's tears appear and break my heart. After all the laughter and smiles, I hate the tears even more. I know they're necessary though. It's the only way to heal sometimes.

"I had a dream about her last night," she tells me through the tears. "She was behind this glass wall and I could see her, but I couldn't hear her. She was playing with a baby, holding her up over her head and making her laugh."

My wife is trying to kill me. The date inked on my chest starts to burn; it feels like it's singeing my skin. My baby and my sister-in-law died the same day. I'll never know if we were having a boy or a girl. I wanted it to be a girl though. I always wanted it to be a girl.

"I knocked on the glass to get her attention, to get her to help me find a way in so I could be with her and the baby." Bella puts her hand over mine. "She looked up, shook her head, and mouthed, 'Not yet.'"

I send up a silent thank you to Rosalie. From beyond the grave she still managed to encourage her sister to fight, to live.

"I was so pissed at her," Bella continues. "So I banged harder, trying to break the glass or something, but nothing happened. Rose walked over, shaking her head and rolling her eyes." Bella sniffs. "So Rose, right?"

I nod. I'm pretty sure that was the look I got from my fake girlfriend daily when she was alive.

Bella looks sad until she touches my lips with her fingertips. A smile peeks through. "My sister looked at me through the glass and said, 'Wake up.' And I did. I woke up and there you were, sleeping in that chair. Here you are, reminding me why I need to still be here, why I need to be stronger."

I kiss her fingers. "You _are_ strong. You are so strong."

"You make me strong. My mom might need me, but I need you. I need you, Edward. I'll always need you."

Our lips find each other and our tears mix. And in that moment I know with every fiber of my being that everything is going to be alright. Rosalie is taking care of our daughter in heaven and Renee will find a way to be Bella's mom instead of her keeper. But most importantly, my wife is never going to forget me ever again.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to momof4 for catching some mistakes although I tweak this to the very end so any mistakes are totally mine. Thanks to JoFicFreak for talking me down. She is a rock star. Thanks to everyone who voted for this story over at The Lemonade Stand. Jo FicFreak also wrote a very lovely review of it. I've noticed lots of new readers have said that's where they found this. Thank you! **

**All that's left is the epi! I can't believe this is the end. I know there are things that have been talked about in the THEN that we won't cover. That's just the way it is. Guess it leaves me with some outtake material! **

**Thanks for reading xoxo**

**TF **


	16. Chapter 16

**LATER**

My mental To Do list is short today.

1. Drink coffee to wake my ass up

2. Read the newspaper so I can say I know what the fuck is happening outside this house.

3. Write out the song that's been rolling around my head for the last couple days.

4. Play that song for my girl when she wakes up.

5. Be nice when Renee comes over for lunch.

Not a bad day. It would be better if Renee wasn't coming over, but sometimes I have to grin and bear it. She isn't nearly as bad as she used to be. Time and distance did us all wonders. Her relationship with Bella is a million times better. It makes Bella so fucking happy, and there is nothing better than seeing my wife happy.

I shuffle my feet to the kitchen and switch on the coffee maker. Bella bought this contraption that makes one cup at a time. It kinda annoys the hell out of me. I can drink a whole pot. Now I have to make each cup separately. Seems like a waste of my time. I spin the holder thing that houses all the little cups, past all of Bella's teas and chai lattes, until I spot my Donut Shop coffee. Only two cups left. I'm in trouble. _Big trouble._ Two cups of coffee are not going to cut it. Not when my girl had me up twice last night. Sometimes, I swear she is insatiable.

One side of my mouth quirks up. Because I'm not complaining. I will never complain. I am blessed and I know it.

While the fancy machine makes my one cup of coffee, I head to the front door to grab my newspaper. Bella's dog lies in the way, the entire length of its body pressed against the width of the door like he was a living draft guard. I call him Bella's dog because he only loves her. I guess he's supposed to since he's her therapy dog and all. The yellow lab wears a baby blue collar with a shiny silver name tag that clearly says Riley, a name he responds to anytime Bella calls it. He's the canine version of Jessica. He makes sure she remembers to shut off the iron and helps her find her keys. He provides her with a few of the things TBI took away.

"Up, Riley."

He doesn't even bother to lift his head to look at me.

"Riley, up," I command, only to be greeted by one wag of his tail. Did I mention he's got a thing about manners? "Excuse me, Riley. Up. _Please._"

The damn dog rolls over on his belly and gives me a long yawn before scrambling to his feet and moving out of the way. _Death of me._

"Thanks," I huff, opening the door and snatching the paper off the front porch. Slipping it under my arm, I wonder if the Lakers played last night. I'm a guy, I should know these things. I stop by the bedroom and push the door open just a crack. My girl is still fast asleep, her lips slightly parted, her cheeks the most perfect shade of pink I have ever seen. She's beautiful and mine. Always and forever.

I snag my coffee and push open the french doors to the patio. The sun is shining brightly, the water in the pool sparkles under its glow. I love sitting out here in the morning. We've got the most amazing view and the only sounds I hear come from the pool's waterfall and the birds in the trees that surround the property. It's my own private piece of serenity. I deserve it.

Lakers did not play. Economy still sucks. Politics still bore me to death. It's going to be sunny and 74 today. Not much has changed. I flip to the arts and entertainment section and there she is - my girl. My fingers curl into fists, crumpling the paper as I scan the article. Fucking paps. She and I took the dog for a walk the other day and some bastard couldn't stop himself from taking our picture. I can't believe I didn't see him. Maybe it's better I didn't. Bella would have been upset if I beat down some asshole taking a picture of my girl.

I need to get used to this. Bella's getting ready to record a new album and our life is going to change once more. She's been out of the spotlight for awhile now; we both have until a couple months ago. After the insanity that followed her collapse and subsequent announcement that she would be canceling the rest of her tour, we managed to find some peace and quiet by basically going into hiding. We didn't eat out, we didn't see movies, we didn't go anywhere really. We spent a lot of time in bed. Laughing, loving, _sleeping_. I love sleeping.

After six months of that, we started making some music. Bella spent the last year writing her little heart out, making this the first record she's both singer and songwriter. I know she's nervous because I know what it feels like to put your words out there and hope someone appreciates them, feels them, relates.

The time off was exactly what we needed, though. Bella rested; she healed. She ate and gained some weight. She and I started over. We were allowed to love less desperately and more deeply. No more fear. No more drowning. Instead of feeling like we were going to break into a million pieces at any moment, we've been given the chance to grow strong and sturdy like a tree with roots buried so deep there's no way anything can ever bring it down.

It's still intense. Just thinking about her makes my pulse race. I love that woman more than words. She makes my blood sing, only this time without the constant burn that threatened to consume me. It's more like pure adrenaline, a perfect runner's high. It's better. So much better.

"There you are." Renee's voice spoils the peace and quiet. It can't possibly be time for her to be here. "You haven't even showered yet?" she questions, hands on hips and head cocked to the side.

_I love my mother in law. I love my mother in law. I love my mother in law. _

Who am I kidding? I can't even lie to myself.

"Good morning to you, too, Renee."

"It's almost _noon_, Edward."

I stand and stretch my arms above my head. How the hell did it get so late? "Did you have fun this morning?" I slip past her and into the house. I need to see Bella. Maybe there is still a little desperation left inside me.

"The kitchen is a mess. You couldn't clean up a little? There are bottles everywhere." Renee is still my biggest critic. She doesn't manage my wife anymore, but she likes to comment on how unmanaged things are around here when she visits. "And how exactly did you plan on hearing her from outside?"

"Is she awake?"

"She was crying."

_Oh shit. _I jog back to the bedroom and open the door. My girl isn't crying now. She's safe and sound in her mother's arms. Bella rocks her and places little kisses on her bald head as she feeds her a bottle.

"Sorry, I was reading the paper on the patio. I should've brought the monitor out with me."

Bella gives me the crook eye, but it's quickly followed by that smile I love so much. "I don't think she'd been up very long. Riley would have been barking." I swear the dog at Bella's feet gives me a smug look and is thinking, _"Yeah, jackass, I got this covered."_

Charlotte Rose Cullen aka Charlie Rose was born eight weeks, two days ago. She still wakes up twice a night to eat or to get a clean diaper or to just get rocked. My girl loves attention. She was born to be the child of famous people. In fact, I'm a little surprised she wasn't hamming it up for the paps when we took Riley for that walk the other day. She loves smiling for the camera. It's her new trick.

She is my greatest creation. Ever.

I plant a kiss on the lips of my wife and my daughter gets one on her forehead. They are the reason I never gave up. This was what I knew I would be rewarded with if I held on.

"How was your morning at the spa?"

Bella lets her head fall back and closes her eyes. "It was heaven. I'm so sleep deprived, I woke myself up snoring during my massage."

Charlie Rose is not a lover of sleep now that she's discovered there's this thing called the world all around her. Bella and I have spent the last two months trying to string enough hours of sleep together to function like normal people. The fact that I'm in pajama pants and shirtless at noon on a … hell, I don't even know what day it is. Well, it's a testament to how well that's working for us.

"You gonna shower?" she asks, taking the bottle out of the mouth of our now satisfied daughter.

"Can I just throw on a shirt? Or is that going to offend your mother?"

Bella laughs and it makes Charlie Rose smile like it does me. "Everything you do offends my mother."

"No shit," I mumble, scratching my head. I think I took a shower yesterday. There should be some kind of 24-hour rule.

"She offered to take Charlie for the night."

I must have fallen asleep standing up. There is no way she just said that. "Come again?"

Bella pats the baby's back until she burps. "My mom said she'd take Charlie home with her so I can get a good night's sleep before I head to the studio tomorrow." She looks as giddy as I feel at this prospect.

"A whole night?" I ask, and Bella nods. "Of uninterrupted sleep?" She nods again. "All night long?" She's still nodding. "I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick."

No reason to offend Renee anymore than I already do. Not when there is a full night of sleep hanging in the balance.

_I love my mother in law. I love my mother in law. I _love_ my mother in law._

….

….

….

Edward runs out of the nursery so fast, he's almost a blur. I laugh and shake my head. Lack of sleep has made both of us kind of crazy the last couple months. Not that I'm complaining. The sweet baby girl in my arms is worth every second of lost shut-eye.

"Daddy loves you even though he's excited for your sleepover at Grandma's, I promise."

Charlie Rose gives me the biggest smile as she reaches for my hair and gives it a big tug. I'm madly in love with this little devil. She stole my heart before I knew who she was. The more I get to know her, the more I fall head over heels. Every award, ovation, accolade I have ever been given is nothing compared to the gift of this child. She is the best thing I have ever created. No song could ever compete.

We planned her. Worked for her. Getting pregnant the second time wasn't as easy as the first. There were several doctor appointments and consultations. Making sure I _could_ do it was just as important as my wanting it. Edward was a nervous, overbearing mess the entire pregnancy. I have the best husband that ever lived. He doesn't know how to wash dishes or fold laundry, but he massages feet like no one else. And no one loves me more ferociously.

I am blessed.

My mother is busy cleaning all the dirty baby bottles when we join her in the kitchen. "There's my happy girl!" Mom quickly wipes her hands on the dishtowel and holds them out for her granddaughter. Charlie Rose smiles brightly and I feel the heart in my chest expand and warm my insides. Every time I see them together, it's better than the last.

My mom is just that - my mom. Nothing more. But it's everything. She's not perfect but who is? She always gives Edward a hard time, she tries to hire nannies and cleaning ladies without our blessing, and she loves to roll her eyes everytime I mention the name of my new manager, Alice. At the same time, she's learning to live her own life. She met someone, a guy named Phil, who treats her pretty damn good if you ask me. She's got a job that has nothing to do with me or my career. And she is a fantastic grandmother.

I plunge my hands into the soapy water in the sink and finish the dishes. I may not be that great at washing dishes either. It's a good thing we rarely cook. I'm not too good at that either.

"Edward really appreciates you giving us the night off."

"I'm doing it for you not him." Mom's voice is sing songy, making Charlie Rose smile and make noise.

"He still appreciates it and so do I."

"Charlie and Grandma need some time alone. We're going to have so much fun. Aren't we? Aren't we?" Mom wins herself a few more smiles from my sweet girl.

A half hour later, we're all sitting on the patio, eating lunch. Edward not only showered but shaved. He looks and smells like heaven. Mom and Charlie can't leave soon enough. Our conversation is light. Edward is all polite words and soft smiles. He avoids all the eye rolling and cringing even when my mom says something annoying. I'm guessing he's not really listening to a word she's saying, he's only thinking about the sleep he's going to be indulging in soon enough.

I can't stop staring at my husband. Edward is beautiful. Full lips, long eyelashes, strong jaw, rockstar smirk. To think I almost pushed him away. I almost let my fear and guilt win and keep my mind from remembering. I believe it was my survivor's guilt that acted as the biggest memory block. Not only did I feel bad for being the only one to survive the accident, but I believed I had been cheating with my sister's boyfriend. And when I found out I had been pregnant, I assumed I had trapped him into a marriage.

I got it all wrong and I almost didn't let Edward make it right. But he never gave up. He never let me go. He held on with both hands until I let myself hear him. We belong to one another. We always will.

Edward's hand finds my knee under the table. His fingers grip and squeeze and then he slides his warm palm up my thigh. He stops before things cross the line, but it's been so long since I've felt him between my legs I wish he didn't. _ Soon_, his eyes say and his smile teases. _Soon. _

I grab some plates to take inside and inform everyone I'm going to pack the baby's bag for her sleepover. I'm ready to be alone with my husband - much sooner than later.

"Remember she likes to sleep with the purple blanket but don't wrap her up in it. And don't let her fall asleep before she finishes her nine o'clock bottle or else she'll be up at eleven and one-"

"And three," Edward adds.

"And three," I confirm.

Mom waves her hand dismissively. "I managed two babies at the same time. I got this." My mother has no fear. But she's never spent the night with Charlie Rose. She's me and Rosalie and Edward all rolled into one human. That is quite the combination if you ask me.

I give my daughter one more kiss and remind her to be good to Grandma. Edward checks the straps on her carseat for the third time. Once he's certain she's absolutely secure, he turns to my mom. "Thanks again, Renee."

"You make sure she gets a good night's rest. She's got a big day tomorrow."

"I promise Bella will be in bed _extremely _early." As in about one minute after she leaves this house with our child.

"Edward will come pick her up around ten," I say. Mom's already half out the door. "Make sure you keep the lights off when you feed her at night or else she won't fall back asleep." I learned that one the hard way. "And don't talk to her because she loves it and will want you to keep doing it."

"Got it, Isabella. Goodbye. Say bye to Mama," she says to Charlie. I want to sleep but knowing my daughter isn't going to be under my roof is a little unnerving.

"She's going to be fine." Edward's hands are on my shoulders and his lips are at my ear.

"I know," I say in a breath. _I know. _ It's still difficult to watch her go.

"I'm going to massage all the parts of you that the spa wasn't allowed to touch," Edward whispers before gently tugging on my earlobe with his teeth. I lean back into him. His body is my comfort, my home. His hands move down and his arms encircle me. I want to crawl inside him and never leave.

One minute we're on the front porch, watching my mother and Charlie leave and the next we're naked in our bed. I don't even remember taking off my clothes or him taking off his. His hands haven't left my body and his lips barely lift as he kisses me everywhere. They skim the surface of my skin and leave each spot jealous of the next.

"I love you," I say as my fingers rake through the hair on the back of his head. He's kissing down my stomach, along my C-section scar. Another imperfection to add to the long list, but I feel nothing but pride about this one. Edward doesn't mind it. He always treats all my scars with reverence, thanking each one for not being the death of me.

"You amaze me." Green eyes framed in those lashes my daughter luckily inherited look up at me. He says that a lot, like he can't believe I'm here or that I made it through everything that's happened. Giving birth wasn't that impressive, women do it all the time, but I guess for a guy who can't do it, it's a big deal.

His big hands wrap around my thighs and spread me open. He spends a moment staring, admiring the parts of me I haven't been able to share with him in over two months. He licks his lips and smiles up at me. The man could send me over the edge with just a look sometimes. Of course, his fingers always do the job. Those fingers glide down my bikini line. "Thought you said anyone who puts hot wax down here is insane?"

My turn to smile. "Maybe lack of sleep has made me a little crazy." Maybe as soon as I heard my mom would be taking Charlie Rose, I knew I needed some landscaping done before I let Edward take a trip down Bella Lane.

"Thank God I jacked off in the shower," he says like a real prayer. I join in thanking God as his mouth joins his fingers in making me fall apart for the first time in forever.

I'm still floating off the bed when he positions himself over me. Our eyes are locked as he gently pushes inside, slow and controlled. The last thing Edward will ever allow is anything that will hurt me. He watches me for any sign that I'm not ready for this. It's been long enough and I'm more than ready. I need him. My need is as great, if not greater, than it's ever been. The heat between us is still red hot. Even after all this time. Sometimes I wonder if there's something in our chemical makeup that causes us to need one another as much as we do because it's physical as much as it is emotional.

I push on him on his back. He's being too cautious, too careful. We're good and we need to kick this up a notch. "Haven't you learned you can't break me?" I straddle his hips. It's my turn to run this show.

Edward lets out the best kind of groan as I put us back together. His hands grip my hips hard just as I start to roll them in that way I know he likes. "Jesus, you know you can break me. Slow down, woman."

One side of my mouth quirks up. "This is only round one. We've got all night."

I grab his hands and place them on my breasts instead of where they can hold me back. I run my fingers over the newly inked date just below the one that marks the accident. Charlie's birthday was added soon after she was born. When he got it, I teased him that I thought I should have those hundred babies he wanted and we'd fill his chest with dates he holds close to his heart. He countered with that cocky grin and a dare to try. A hundred babies meant a whole lot of sex and that was a win for him.

Edward's hand slides up my neck and he pulls me down for one more kiss. He's trying to slow me down and stop me from setting him off. But he struck the match, I'm just sharing the burn.

Edward is beautiful all the time, but when he breaks wide open and loses himself in me, he's the angel I mistook him for after the accident. Perfect and mine. It sends me to heaven right along with him.

We spend the rest of the afternoon like we used to before Charlie Rose came into our lives. We nap. We eat in bed. Edward plays his guitar and sings me a new song he's been working on.

Before Charlie Rose was born, we made a deal - only one of us is going to work at a time. The other will give their full attention to our daughter. She'll never have to deal with both of us being gone at the same time. I drew the short straw that night, so I'm recording first. I'll do a small world tour, part of which Edward and Charlie can join me. Then it's Edward's turn. It makes sense and hopefully will work. Sometimes I worry what getting back into this lifestyle will do to me. But I know my limits better now and Edward and Charlie mean too much to me to ever push those limits too far.

Watching and listening to Edward play makes me fall in love all over. I'm pretty sure it was watching him at sound check that did me in the very first time we met. The memories before the accident are still pretty hazy, but that one is the strongest yet.

I climb up on my knees and get behind him as he plays. I plant kisses along the tops of his shoulders and back.

"You're messing me up. No touching until I'm done."

"You playing guitar does me in every time. You _naked_ and playing guitar is evil and I can't stop myself."

He laughs at me, but I know if I was sitting there, strumming my guitar in nothing but these pink panties I'm currently wearing, he wouldn't be able to stop touching me either. The thought of me and a guitar causes me to pause. I'm walking into a recording studio tomorrow and planning on sharing music I've only let Edward hear. Music I wrote. Music I can play on that guitar sitting in the corner of our room. I'm not a great guitar player, my hands sometimes stutter, but Edward has done a really good job of helping me relearn what I knew before the accident.

I flop back on the bed. "Am I crazy for thinking I can write songs like you do? Maybe I should just sing what the songwriters write for me." I cover my face with my hands because I'm sure my self-doubt looks as unattractive as it feels.

Edward puts his guitar down and lies beside me. He extracts both hands from my face and kisses me twice. "Was I crazy for thinking I could get you to remember me?"

"Yes."

He laughs. "Probably but look how that paid off for me. The bigger the risk, the bigger the payoff. What's the worst that can happen?"

"Um, no one likes it and the record fails. I'm mocked by everyone in the business. The record label drops me and VH1 does a Behind the Music special on me before I'm thirty."

My husband's laughter fills the room and tears spill from his eyes. I punch him as hard as I can while flat on my back. "The good news is you can go into acting because your drama skills are pretty damn good."

"Ha ha. I'm serious."

Edward wipes his eyes and props his head up on his hand. "So am I. You are the most talented woman I know. And when you put your mind to something, no one stops you. I'm not kidding when I say you amaze me because you do. If the music world turns its back on you, all that means is Charlie Rose and I get more of you to ourselves. It's not going to happen, because I know I'm cursed to have to share you, but really, that's the worst of it."

I love how he loves me. I love that he knows his love is all I need. I'd sing to an audience of one for the rest of my life and it would be okay as long as he was that one.

His free hand slides under my panties. "Could you live with one fan?"

_Yessssssssssssss._

"Woof!" Riley nudges the door open and makes his presence known. It's time for him to go out before bedtime.

Edward removes his hand and I'm not sure who's more disappointed. "I'll be right back," I promise, kissing him on his pretty lips. "Round two begins as soon as I return."

He throws his arms over his head and closes his eyes. "Next time your mom takes the baby, we should ask her if she wants the dog too."

That's never happening, but I won't burst his bubble. I lead Riley out of the room and let him out the back door, finally flopping down on the couch while he does his business. I notice the large square envelope on the coffee table underneath the other mail Edward brought in earlier.

I run my fingers over our names, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen, written in fancy, swirly calligraphy. I don't need to read the return address to know who this is from. I open the envelope and pull out the cream-colored wedding invitation. Emmett McCarty is marrying Gianna Petrov. Her parents and his parents request our presence. That familiar tug at my heart is a little stronger than normal.

Rosalie probably would have picked out the same exact invitation. It's simple and beautiful with a pale pink border. I'm guessing Emmett had no say in the wedding colors. I'll admit, I truly like Em. He reached out to me after my tour ended and we've kind of become friends, I guess. Emmett and Rose knew each other for such a short time and were only physically together for one night, but had my sister survived the accident, I don't doubt the two of them would be happily married today. But my sister's life was cut short and Emmett found closure in connecting with me and Edward. He met Gianna about a year after Rose died and I'm happy for them. I think Rosalie is too.

She's most definitely going to see to it that it rains on their wedding day, but I believe she wants him to have a full and happy life.

I stand up and drop the invitation back on the table. I move over to the mantel and look at the pictures we have there. One is of our wedding day. Edward says Elvis took it so Jasper could be in it. It's of the four of us and we're all looking quite spectacular. My sister and Edward's best friend aren't looking at the camera, they're looking at the newlyweds. We are beaming for the camera because it was the first best day of our lives together. I can tell my sister was happy for me. I remember bits and pieces of that day and they're mixed with the things Edward has told me. I know I had my sister's full support and she is looking down on us now and giving me that same look I bet.

The second picture is of Charlie Rose. I smile every time I even think her name. Probably because I imagine Rose and Dad smiling every time they hear it. The picture is of her fast asleep the first day we brought her home - this ranks as the fourth best day of our lives together, just below the day she was born. It's funny to see her sleeping since, currently, she does it so rarely.

She is my everything. My past, my present, and my future all rolled into one tiny person. Having a child makes me understand why it was so hard for Mom to let go. But I have promised myself, I will _never _be my mother. I will not repeat her mistakes. I've learned from them and will only make my own.

The last picture is of me and Edward singing on stage the day my memory came back and I fainted in front of thousands of traumatized fans. Pictures of our impromptu duet were plastered all over the news and internet for weeks after. Most of pictures were of me collapsing, of course, but this one was of us singing. Second best day of our life together. You'd have to be an idiot to look at this picture and not see two people madly in love. We look like we don't even realize there's a stadium full of people surrounding us. I'm certain we didn't.

I've learned a lot of things over the last three years - about myself, about loss and pain, about love. I learned accidents happen. And they like to happen to me. I found out the brain is seriously the most complicated blob of cells ever. Some parts can fix themselves and others stay permanently jacked up. I know that there are no guarantees and what it really means to not take things for granted. But the one thing I realized above all others is that even though a shared history is what usually binds us to others, something more powerful can connect two people to one another. Call it fate or destiny. Call it being soulmates. I don't know. All I do know is my mind may have forgotten, but my heart always knew who it belonged to.

Riley's at the back door, barking to let me know he's ready to come in. I let him inside and head back to the bedroom to madly love my husband some more. What I find is my sweet man fast asleep - his colorful arms still flung over his head. His snores are louder than usual because he's on his back.

I'd be disappointed if he wasn't so adorable or I didn't know how badly we need the rest.

I head for the bathroom to brush my teeth. Looks like round two will have to wait until tomorrow. Now or then - it doesn't matter really. I climb into bed and watch Edward sleep for a few minutes before it finds me as well.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thank you momof4 for your help and support. Much love always goes to her for her willingness to drop everything she's got going on to take care of my business. **

**Thanks to all of you who read, reviewed, pimped, talked amongst yourselves about this story. I hope I gave you something satisfying. **

**Hopefully this isn't goodbye, but I am going to be putting more time and effort into writing something that I might actually make into a real book. We'll see. Sometimes that seems like a really silly dream, but you never know if you don't try, right? **

**Much love to all of you!**

**xoxo,  
TF**


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